{"id":4132,"date":"2012-05-13T15:43:54","date_gmt":"2012-05-13T15:43:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenspearszacharias\/?p=4132"},"modified":"2012-05-13T15:47:19","modified_gmt":"2012-05-13T15:47:19","slug":"raised-by-lousy-moms","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/karenspearszacharias\/2012\/05\/13\/raised-by-lousy-moms\/","title":{"rendered":"Raised by Lousy Moms"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

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Dolores Aguilar<\/em><\/p>\n

1929 \u2013 Aug. 7, 2008
\nDolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.<\/em><\/p>\n

She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.<\/em><\/p>\n

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.<\/em><\/p>\n

Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.<\/em><\/p>\n

There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.<\/em><\/p>\n

***<\/p>\n

The ability to bear a child does not a mother make.<\/p>\n

Delores Aguilar was obviously a very fertile woman. She was able to squat out babies in rapid succession. But like far too many woman, Delores Aguilar lacked the ability to nurture.<\/p>\n

According to the testimony of her own children, Delores Aguilar spent a lifetime tearing her family apart.<\/p>\n

I didn\u2019t grow up with that sort of mother, thankfully, but I have several friends who were raised up by selfish mothers. Women who lacked affection for their own children.\u00a0They weren\u2019t necessarily bad women. Many of them have attained remarkable achievements in their professional lives.\u00a0They were just bad mothers.<\/p>\n

Mothering is a skill.<\/p>\n

A mother\u2019s love may or may not be natural, but the ability to nurture is a learned behavior.\u00a0Children will nurture one another if they have seen it modeled. They will also abuse one another, if they\u2019ve seen that modeled.<\/p>\n

A new study by the National Academy of Sciences reveals that children who had nurturing mothers in early childhood, actually have a larger hippocampus \u2014 that part of the brain that helps memory, learning and a child\u2019s ability to handle stress.<\/p>\n

There is a direct link between brain growth and maternal support.<\/p>\n

A mother\u2019s nurturing, or lack thereof, impacts a child\u2019s cognitive function and emotional regulation.<\/p>\n

\u201cFor years studies have underscored the importance of an early, nurturing environment for good, healthy outcomes for children,\u201d said study author and professor of child psychiatry Joan Luby<\/a>.\u00a0\u00a0\u201cThis study, to my knowledge, is the first that actually shows an anatomical change in the brain, which really provides validation for the very large body of early childhood development literature that had been highlighting the importance of early parenting and nurturing. Having a hippocampus that\u2019s almost 10% larger just provides concrete evidence of nurturing\u2019s powerful effect.\u201d<\/p>\n

In other words, maternal neglect \u2014 the leading form of child maltreatment\u2013 diminishes the hippocampus and makes children more subject to depression and other mental health issues.<\/p>\n

Children who grow up with mothers who neglect them often develop emotional, behavioral, and learning problems that can persist throughout their lifetime.<\/p>\n

Some of the specific long-term effects of abuse and neglect on a child\u2019s developing brain includes:<\/p>\n