The better to hide in the shadows with, my dear. <\/em><\/p>\nHe was handing out business cards at the bookstore in Olympia on Saturday.<\/p>\n
I sent Tim to the car to retrieve mine this morning.<\/p>\n
\u201cHoney, there\u2019s a black business card on the passenger seat could you run go get it for me? I\u2019m not dressed yet.\u201d<\/p>\n
Tim comes back holding the card at the full extension of his arm, like he used to do the really smelly diapers:\u00a0\u201cWhat is this? Hail Satan? I shouldn\u2019t even be touching this.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI met him at the bookstore in Olympia,\u201d I replied, laughing.<\/p>\n
Tim flipped the card over. \u201cSatanic Missionary Society?\u201d he asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. He\u2019s a missionary for Satan.\u201d<\/p>\n
That\u2019s what he told me when he approached me at my author\u2019s table. \u201cI\u2019m a missionary for Satan. We are holding a Satanic Prayer vigil on the Capital steps on Wednesday to protest the Westboro Baptist Church.\u201d<\/p>\n
(That\u2019s like the pot calling the kettle black, right?)<\/p>\n
\u201cWestboro is coming to Olympia?\u201d I asked Mr. Satanist. \u201cHow come?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThey are protesting our gay marriage law, I think.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cAhh. And what exactly is a Satan Missionary?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWe proselytize for Satan,\u201d he replied.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe way some people do for Jesus?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah. We promote more selfishness in people.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cReally? You don\u2019t think people are selfish enough?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cNo,\u201d he said. \u201cA lot of times people do what they do out of obligation. We are trying to free them from that guilt.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cDo you ever read the newspaper? Listen to the news?\u201d<\/p>\n
He handed me the black card. The one with the web address on the back. \u00a0I didn\u2019t know Satanists had any virtues but as it turns out they had a list of their virtues posted at their website:<\/p>\n
Selfishness<\/h3>\n
To be selfish is to ask \u201cWhat\u2019s in it for me?\u201d Satan rejects sacrifice and martyrdom. The greater good cannot be built on self-inflicted misery. Selfless sacrifice puts us all under the pressing shadow of death. We reject sacrifice and promote selfish indulgence.<\/p>\n
Laziness<\/h3>\n
To be lazy is to refuse to do what isn\u2019t working, to stop, to do nothing until we have a better idea, to try something else. When we feel like doing something, we will. If we work too hard, we won\u2019t stop to notice an easier way. We reject fruitless hard work.<\/p>\n
Insolence<\/h3>\n
Insolence means not accepting things on authority, refusing to be humble and degraded, refusing to grovel and show respect to superiors. To be insolent is to insist on dignity and freedom.<\/p>\n
Lustfulness<\/h3>\n
To be lustful is to embrace all the pleasures we can while we live, to follow our desires and passions wherever they lead us, to run to the devil that tempts us, to ask for more.<\/p>\n
Vanity<\/h3>\n
To be vain is to love and admire ourselves, to relish our own brilliance and magic, to see in ourselves what is beautiful and attractive, to build and nurture it. To be vain is to accept the forbidden fruit from the serpent in the garden. To be vain is to want to know more, to proudly leave the narcotic fog of delusion behind us.<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
Of course, \u00a0it\u2019s not as though I hadn\u2019t been warned:<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t be naive. There are difficult times ahead. As the end approaches, people are going to be self-absorbed, money-hungry, self-promoting, stuck-up, profane, contemptuous of parents, crude, coarse, dog-eat-dog, unbending, slanderers, impulsively wild, savage, cynical, treacherous, ruthless, bloated windbags, addicted to lust, and allergic to God. They\u2019ll make a show of religion, but behind the scenes they\u2019re animals. Stay clear of these people. 2 Timothy 3:2<\/em><\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u201cYou really don\u2019t think that the problem is that too many people are too selfish already?\u201d I pressed.<\/p>\n
\u201cWell, I\u2019m not really a Satanist,\u201d he said. \u201cI\u2019m an atheist. I\u2019m just doing this as part of a theatrical thing I do.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh. I see. You\u2019re sort of a Satanist hypocrite, then, right?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYeah.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n
\u00a0<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u00a0 He looked like Woody Allen with longer hair, albeit still balding on top. He wore all black, which seems to be the go-to color for Satanists of any era. \u00a0The better to hide in the shadows with, my dear. He was handing out business cards at the bookstore in Olympia on Saturday. I sent […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":90,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[3161,109,3158,311,344,3163,3109,1524,3159,3160,1867,3162],"class_list":["post-4253","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-2-timothy","tag-atheist","tag-capital","tag-christians","tag-community","tag-hypocrite","tag-olympia","tag-satan","tag-satanist","tag-satanist-missionary-society","tag-westboro-baptist-church","tag-zombie"],"yoast_head":"\n
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<\/a><\/p>\n