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<\/a>\u201cBlackbirds and Haunted Houses\u201d<\/p>\nWhen my kids were younger I used to enjoy taking them to haunted houses. Nowadays, they\u2019ve outgrown going to haunted houses with mom. I still string a few orange lights around the house and put a couple of pumpkins on the front porch, but it\u2019s not the same. I miss my visits to the Haunted House. In the Dallas Fort Worth area where I live the Haunted House industry thrives in October with such attractions as Thrillvania, The Boneyard and \u201cCutting Edge.\u201d<\/p>\n
In my imagination, they can\u2019t compare with the Haunted House in Pennsylvania we used to visit every year. It was an old farmhouse near Newtown, Pa., for those of you who know the state. Every year an acting company rented it out and set it up to scare the good citizens of Newtown and its environs silly.
\nOn the way in you had to write your name on a ticket and give it to them with your admission fee. You then began your tour of the rooms to a soundtrack of eerie howls and piercing screams. I won\u2019t go into great detail, but I simply pose the question, what is so scary about a Haunted House? You know to expected the unexpected, so why is it so scary? For one thing, the lighting is very poor. I like to be able to see where I\u2019m going. For another, there are some rooms with creepy scenes from horrors of the past: Marie Antoinette on the guillotine, Jack the Ripper, Chuckie, Freddie, Hannibal Lecter \u2013 plus other scenes I\u2019ve blocked from my memory. That\u2019s part of what makes it so creepy- it calls to mind scenes you\u2019ve blocked from your memory. In some of the rooms, people approach you you didn\u2019t know were even in the room. They remind me of unexpected, unwanted events that are a feature of everyone\u2019s life.<\/p>\n
Then there were the mirrors placed in unexpected spots. I remember creeping down a dark hall, seeing the image of a haggard, frumpy woman waiting at the end. And then, when I reached her, the realization, \u201cOh, it\u2019s me!\u201d My favorite was the polka dot room. It was dark with glowing white polka dots all over the walls and ceiling. Just as you thought you had gotten through it without incident a person would emerge from the walls, in a black and polka dot camouflage costume that had made them invisible up to that point. Then there was the foam room in which the walls exuded a soapy foam that gradually covered you and from which you could not wait to escape. Yeah, life can be like that.<\/p>\n
Finally, when you had toured all the rooms, howls and screams in your ears, you emerged and started through a mock graveyard and thought you were home free. All you had to do was tromp across the gravelly parking lot out back to the safety of your car. Just then you noticed that your name was emblazoned on one of the graves in the graveyard, and at that very moment, the 10 foot tall \u201ctree\u201d by the largest grave began to move. It was the Grim Reaper (a member of the local actors\u2019 guild on stilts) and chased you to your car.
\nWhen my son was younger he thought it very cool that his mom was the only mom willing to take him and his friends through the Haunted House. I acted like it was something I did because I was such a great mom, such a good sport. He didn\u2019t realize how much I looked forward to it. The reason I looked forward to it is because I just like creepy stuff. I can\u2019t explain it. But if I were to try to give an existentially profound rationale for why I like Haunted Houses I would say this. It\u2019s a metaphor for life. We walk in darkness. Unexpected, often frightening things happen. They surface unpleasant memories of past events, and at the same time, other, frightening things we don\u2019t anticipate are waiting to happen. As we move from one phase of life to the next, sustaining ourselves on the hope that at least there is an exit point, the Grim Reaper is waiting. I guess two questions could arise if we cared to ponder them. One is \u201cWhy would anyone pay money for such an experience and the second I\u2019ll leave to your imagination.<\/p>\n
One of my students, Amy Proctor, told this story in class recently and gave me permission to share it on the blog. Amy bears a striking resemblance to the actress who played in ER for years, Maura Tierney. About five years ago, Amy was on an airplane and a man who had had a little too much to drink, engaged her in conversation. \u201cYou\u2019re that actress, Maura Tierney, aren\u2019t you? I\u2019m surprised you\u2019re flying coach. May I have your autograph? My wife is a huge fan.\u201d
\n\u201cI get that a lot, but my name is Amy. I\u2019m not Maura Tierney.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m sick of you celebrities who think you can be rude to regular people. You\u2019d be nothing without us.\u201d
\nAfter another round or two of \u201cMy name is Amy;\u201d \u201cI know you\u2019re Maura Tierney,\u201d she finally said, \u201cOk, give me your napkin,\u201d and only then realized she didn\u2019t know how to spell her name. She wrote \u2018Myra Tierney.\u2019
\nYou\u2019re not responsible for spelling your name correctly if it\u2019s not your name.<\/p>\n
On a recent trip to the Napa Valley of California, I noticed a few tidbits that could enliven preaching and teaching. There is a saying in Napa, \u201cYou can\u2019t make good wine from bad grapes, but you can make bad wine from good grapes.\u201d I sometimes berate myself for being able to make the worst of a pretty good situation by negative thinking, so there is a sting in this saying for me. I\u2019m probably not alone.<\/p>\n
Here is a Q and A joke from a winery owner.
\nQuestion: \u201cDo you know how to make a small fortune from making wine?\u201d
\nAnswer: Start with a large fortune!\u201d<\/p>\n
In the vineyards, black birds are a big problem. So the grape growers put loudspeakers throughout the vineyards and play sounds of blackbirds in distress punctuated by sounds of hawks (who prey on blackbirds) to keep grape- eating blackbirds away.<\/p>\n
When your GPS is set on \u201cwalk\u201d rather than \u201cdrive,\u201d it tells you it will take 18 hours to get somewhere that\u2019s 72 miles away. After an initial shock, you realize the problem is with the calculator and not with the route or the car. But do our spiritual habits ever set us on \u201cwalk\u201d rather than \u201cdrive?\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
\u201cBlackbirds and Haunted Houses\u201d When my kids were younger I used to enjoy taking them to haunted houses. Nowadays, they\u2019ve outgrown going to haunted houses with mom. I still string a few orange lights around the house and put a couple of pumpkins on the front porch, but it\u2019s not the same. I miss my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":224,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-288","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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