Washington DC – Security arrested President Trump and a handful of loyal lickspittles last night deep underneath the US Capitol building. It appears they were attempting to blow up the home of the House of Representatives and Senate.
Security was alerted to the plan by an anonymous phone call at 8:25 pm. By 8:35 pm security officers discovered President Trump, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, and Jared Kushner. They were arguing between themselves on why their bomb had not detonated.
Officer Andrew Canard was at the scene. ”It was an awful mess,” he stated. “ The President kept saying he hires only the best people. Ms. Sanders kept repeating it. And Little Jared seemed intent in getting the Mother of all Boogers out of his nose.”
Apparently, the *three placed 36 barrels of gunpowder in the Capitol Building’s basement. From police reports the plan was to detonate the bomb at 8:20 pm. However, something had gone wrong for the conspirators.
The barrels weren’t full of gunpowder. They were brimming with baby powder.
”Baby powder is a powerful weapon against diaper rash, but it doesn’t do a hoot as a weapon of domestic terror,” Officer Canard quipped.
President Trump immediately pardoned himself and Sarah Huckabee Sanders. Jared Kushner wasn’t so lucky. President Trump tweeted Jared was arrested by Hillary and Obama’s deep state. He asked all of his loyal fans to save his son-in-law by calling into AM sports radio shows and screaming about NFL players taking a knee.
It’s assumed President Trump was going to use the destruction of the Capitol Building as a reason to invoke martial law and force CNN to admit it is fake news.
Republicans insist they are still 100% loyal Americans and 100% support the President who attempted to destroy the legislative branch of government. One anonymous GOP lawmaker revealed, “I prayed on it. Jesus told me getting rid of Roe vs. Wade is worth risking the legislative AND judicial branches.”
Meanwhile, the mills of God and Robert Mueller grind slowly but exceedingly fine.
*Do I dream of a day where we have a holiday to burning effigies of Donald Trump? Sure, I admit it.
Andrew Hall is the author of Laughing in Disbelief. Besides writing a blog, co-hosting the Naked Diner, he wrote two books, Vampires, Lovers, and Other Strangers and God’s Diary: January 2017 Andrew is reading through the Bible and making videos about his journey on YouTube. He is a talented stand-up comedian. You can find him on Twitter, Instagram, and Facebook.