President Trump Rewrites 5 Popular Bible Verses

President Trump Rewrites 5 Popular Bible Verses July 17, 2019

President Trump released his own translation of the Bible last April. Laughing in Disbelief reported the story:

The Donald Trump Version (DTV) Bible is on sale now in many retail stores and online. For $59.95 the faithful can own the holy book of Christians translated by President Trump.

The DTV contains 39 books of the Old Testament, 27 books of the New Testament, and the classic Trump: The Art of the Deal. 

Here are 5 popular Bible verses in their original form and then the Trumpian version.


Original: For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. John 3:16

Trumped: For God so loved ME that he gave ME Melania, my ex-wives, and Ivanka.


Original: In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. Genesis 1:1

Trumped: In the beginning God created NASCAR, the NRA, and the statute of limitations for rape.


Original: “Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest.” Mathew 11:28

Trumped: Go back and help fix the totally broken and crime infested places from which you came.


Original: Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. Phil 4:8

Trumped: Finally, bros, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—avoid those things like you would women who rate under 8.


Original: But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, Gal 5:22

Trumped: Trick a small bank to lend you tons of cash. Congratulations, you now own a bank. Better than fruit. 



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