Trump News Today — Ministers Sell Bronzed Presidential Poo

Trump News Today — Ministers Sell Bronzed Presidential Poo July 23, 2019

Washington DC – Evangelical ministers are selling Trump’s Bronzed Presidential Poo to true believers. For $19.99 you too can own a bit of history with a lump of crap straight from President Trump’s butthole.

White House intern Andy Canard collects the poo. He reports President Trump’s diet of McDonald’s is quite conducive for poo formation. “The man creates a lot of crap,” Andy said. “Whenever I’m done processing a poo, it’s time to collect more.”

Even though there is an epic amount of Trump defecation, there is a shortage. The encased poo is selling like hotcakes. Supply cannot meet demand. Evangelical ministers wonder if it’s a wise decision to fly the poo to China for processing. However, they’ve put their faith in Donald Trump. Believers are sure he knows what’s best what to do with poo.

Buyers of the bronzed waste product of the commander-in-chief are ecstatic Trump’s Bronzed Presidential Poo is triggering the liberal elites. Who cares if they can’t afford health insurance or a good education for their kids? They have NASCAR Jesus and bronzed poo that will last until the end of days.

Here are a few online reviews for the product.

  • I prayed over Donald Trump’s poo, and now my pink eye is all cleared up!        – Robby “Skidmark” King
  • I keep mine above the fireplace. When that Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez shows up on the news, I look at that poo and my MAGA gets strong. – Becky Barbie
  • Every Sunday I bring the family Bible and bronzed poo to church. People love to touch it. – Scott Littlewit

Liberals are trying to counter the bronzed Trumpian poo with peer-reviewed research showing that most of the poo isn’t from Trump. Scientists at Miskatonic University published a paper showing that 85% of the poo is actually from howler monkeys. Only 15% of every bronzed Trump poo is from the Donald.

Trump fans are undeterred. Many say they don’t care if 104% of the turd is from howler monkeys. What’s essential is America is being made great again.

With poo.

 


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