{"id":48014,"date":"2020-11-04T14:46:02","date_gmt":"2020-11-04T18:46:02","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/laughingindisbelief\/?p=48014"},"modified":"2020-11-04T14:46:02","modified_gmt":"2020-11-04T18:46:02","slug":"president-trump-demanded-a-paternity-test-for-barron","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/laughingindisbelief\/2020\/11\/president-trump-demanded-a-paternity-test-for-barron\/","title":{"rendered":"President Trump Demanded A Paternity Test For Barron"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

<\/iframe><\/p>\n<hr>\nSources in the White House leaked information today Donald Trump demanded his son, Barron, get a paternity test to ensure that he is the boy\u2019s father. The process where the DNA of the father and the child in question was executed when the youngest Trump was a baby. Although the mother\u2019s DNA is not necessary, Donald bullied Melania into it.<\/p>\n<h1>The Paternity Fight<\/h1>\nWhen Melania gave birth to Barron, Donald Trump was riding high on terrible business decisions and borrowed money. The couple seemed stable. Even though Melania was not ecstatic with a husband who engaged in countless infidelities, she was happy. That happiness was destroyed when Donald insisted on their newborn child taking part in a paternity test.<\/p>\nFriends close to Melania whisper she lost her temper. How could\u00a0he<\/em> even question her? <\/em>Wasn\u2019t she the one who was a dutiful wife while he was the playboy? If anything Donald should get a vasectomy to make sure he didn\u2019t father any more kids with other women.<\/p>\nDonald explained that paternity tests were part of the prenuptial agreement she signed before they got married. In fact, his other children were also tested. This was simply the cost of doing business when you\u2019re a member of clan Trump.<\/p>\nMelania understood and relented.<\/p>\n<h1>Is Barron Trump Donald\u2019s Biological Son?<\/h1>\nDNA tests can easily be administered by swabbing the cheeks. Since Barron was only a baby, someone had to conduct the procedure. Not totally trusting Melania, Donald did it himself and brought the material to the lab.<\/p>\nWithin days a certified letter came to and announced\u00a0Barron is indeed the son of Donald J. Trump. There was a 99.9% reliability to the test. Not feeling that 99.9% was good enough, Donald insisted on the procedure being done again with another lab. Once again, Melania agreed and the same results occurred. Her husband seemed satisfied with the 99.9% figure, though there is always a chance he got distracted by a pornstar and became uninterested.<\/p>\nTo this day the letters of certification declaring all of his children are in fact his hang on the wall of the President\u2019s private study. Trump is known to show friends and visiting heads of state his \u201cwall of pride.\u201d<\/p>\n<h1>Evangelicals Support The President<\/h1>\nThis new scandal hasn\u2019t shaken the blind faith evangelical Christians have in Trump. Many men are following the lead and demanding their children take paternity tests.<a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/laughingindisbelief\/is-this-satire\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"> Andrew Canard<\/a> is a 19-year-old student enrolled at Miskatonic University and found out his father wants to make sure the budding academic is his. \u201cI can\u2019t help but think he saw the tuition bill and thought that this was the right time to check out if I\u2019m really his kid,\u201d Mr. Canard said. \u201cThis is going to make the holidays super awkward.\u201d<\/p>\nIn related news, <a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/laughingindisbelief\/2020\/10\/state-senator-says-sorry-science-this-is-a-jesus-only-zone\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">a politician announces that science isn\u2019t welcome in his community because it\u2019s a Jesus only zone<\/em>.<\/a><\/p>\n\u00a0<\/p>\n<hr>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/teespring.com\/this-reindeer-don-t-play-games?pid=328&cid=6276\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"aligncenter size-full wp-image-47966\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/563\/2020\/11\/Reindeer.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"480\" height=\"480\"><\/a><\/p>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/teespring.com\/this-reindeer-don-t-play-games?pid=328&cid=6276\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">This Reindeer Don\u2019t Play Games can be bought here!<\/a><\/p>\n<hr>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/buy-me-a-coffee-e83a14664223.intercom-mail.com\/via\/e?ob=boRWyFWyfBgVEKhCjAz984C1XORUGfhZRqNm4V2NnawQacx9gS25D7MqPI%2F8l%2Fox&h=1b64e608b88e38cc22087a87574e29983decdb10-23835750878\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Did you enjoy this post? How about buying the writer a cup of coffee!\u00a0<\/i><\/b><\/a><\/p>\n<a href=\"https:\/\/www.patreon.com\/AndrewHall\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Or becoming a Patron?<\/i><\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Sources in the White House leaked information today Donald Trump demanded his son, Barron, get a paternity test to ensure that he is the boy\u2019s father. The process where the DNA of the father and the child in question was executed when the youngest Trump was a baby. Although the mother\u2019s DNA is not necessary, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2302,"featured_media":48034,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[13],"tags":[9],"class_list":["post-48014","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-satire-2","tag-satire"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>President Trump Demanded A Paternity Test For Barron<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Melania Trump is the First Lady of the United States, but President Trump wanted a paternity test for their son Barron. 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