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Sometimes we pray<\/strong> things we don\u2019t want to mean, and prayers we don\u2019t want to pray, especially when they are prayed in the moments it feels like peace has been taken from us. Though we pray them because we know we need to mean them and need to want to pray them.<\/span><\/p>\n For the last eight days and seven nights, our family escaped to the Dewey Beach<\/a> area of Delaware for a much-needed family vacation. The breakaway from normalcy was needed and beautiful. We rented a house that we have used for the past three years, which overlooks the bay. The bay, ocean, and coastal beauty were a daily sight. We spent four of those days at the beach, swimming and sinking into Sabbath provided by the rhythm of sea, surf, sand, and seabreeze. This year, my mother also joined us, which made it even more meaningful. In addition to a needed break from the everyday pressures of life, I was able to start and complete three books for my doctoral research.<\/span><\/p>\n Let me take a sidetrack for a minute and share that as I grow older\u2014and more worn from carrying the weight of dual roles in ministry and family pressures\u2014I am more convinced than ever that Sabbath is not a luxury or an option, but rather a necessity of ministry and life. You and I are not machines. We are not endless on our own, with self-sustaining power like God. Humanity has been created with the need to create space to breathe, to reimagine, to remember who we are.<\/span><\/p>\n I wish I had the finances to make these getaways a more regular part of life. If you are not taking these getaways for re-creation (recreation), you need to be taking them. These moments are an investment in our souls, marriages, in our girls\u2019 childhood memories, and in my ability to keep showing up for others in a world that rarely respects boundaries. Life will take from you, the more you get away and invest in your spiritual and personal wellbeing, the more prepared and restored you will be in those moments.<\/span><\/p>\n Of course, returning from vacation brings its own set of stressors. There is the fighting through weekend traffic. Packing at the house, cleaning the house, and unpacking at home. There is catching up on the mail and bills. Returning from vacation means cleaning the house and picking up our dog from the Doggie Hotel. We were finally settling back into the rhythm of being \u201chome\u201d when Katie<\/a> looked out the window and said, \u201cOur tree is broken.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n A few weeks before we left, we had planted a small tree in our yard. It was about the fifth tree we\u2019ve tried to plant around in that same spot in the ten years we have lived here. Our house is at the end of a row in a townhouse community here in Lancaster, and our yard has unfortunately become a popular shortcut.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n Over the years, kids, lawnmowers, and passersby regularly cut through our yard, despite our repeated efforts to make it clear that this is a private space. Our garden has been trampled, snapped, or crushed. Our yard, situated at the end of a townhouse row, has become a shortcut for neighborhood kids, teenagers, and even adults. We\u2019ve seen people sledding in the winter, digging in our garden beds, climbing our trees, and even getting into our vehicles and jumping on our closed pop-up camper. A neighbor even drove a car through! Once, we watched a group of kids throw balls against our siding, leaving visible dents. We\u2019ve kindly asked people to stay out. We\u2019ve talked with parents (who accused us of being racist). We\u2019ve filed police reports. We even installed outdoor cameras to monitor the property and discourage further intrusion. Still, the trespassing continues. It\u2019s disheartening, and what I have felt stolen from me is a safe and quiet place to rest.<\/p>\n Because each of our previous trees had been crushed\u2014sometimes by accident, but mostly by the carelessness of others- this time, we did it right. We braced the tree with stakes. We placed logs around it to block off the area. The garden was extended to include the tree. Still, we returned to find the tree snapped in two.<\/span><\/p>\n As I scrolled through the security footage of our backyard, I counted about a dozen individuals\u2014children, adults, even seniors\u2014who had entered our backyard while we were away. All dozen (or so) walked through our garden beds rather than around them. Three guys just walked through looking in our trees and garden for who knows what reason.<\/span><\/p>\n Watching that footage, I found myself stressed and angry. Not just irritated, but emotionally tired. Tired of feeling like my home is not a safe place or a sanctuary. I was trespassed. When I am tired from working two jobs\u2014pastoring at River Corner Church<\/a> and walking alongside the homeless at Water Street Mission<\/a>\u2014I come home and find that even here, peace is disturbed. Not just disturbed, but feeling stolen from since damage was done to my property. Investments I have made in my yard, trashed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n All I wanted was to plant something lasting. Something that might grow shade and beauty long after we\u2019re gone. But here I was, holding the broken twig again.<\/span><\/p>\n It is in moments like these that the line from the Lord\u2019s Prayer haunts me, \u201cAnd forgive us our debts, as we also have forgiven our debtors\u201d (Matthew 6:12<\/a>, NRSVUE). Some of us grew up learning this line of the Lord\u2019s Prayer by using trespasses, or sins, rather than debts.\u00a0<\/span>Most translations say debt\u2014and in the Greek, I believe that this may be closer to the intended meaning. My doctoral research even leans into this nuance: sin is a debt we incur with God and others. That being stated, I\u2019ve always had an affinity for the word trespass. Maybe because it\u2019s easier to spot or understand in our world. Here in this moment, this line haunts me, because I can name the literal brokenness, the footsteps in my garden, the violation of a boundary, the peace stolen, and the debt incurred to the investments of my yard.<\/span><\/p>\n I am not dumb. We all trespass. I know I\u2019ve trespassed against others in my life, too\u2014emotionally, relationally, even spiritually. It\u2019s always easier to remember the trespasses of others than yourself, harder to hold on to grace, in those moments when you\u2019re staring at the shattered branches of your good intentions.<\/span><\/p>\nA Reminder To Rest<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Coming Home to Chaos<\/strong><\/h2>\n
The Weight of Repeated Trespass<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Wrestling with the Prayer<\/strong><\/h2>\n
When Prayer Becomes Resistance<\/strong><\/h2>\n