{"id":730,"date":"2016-06-22T10:22:04","date_gmt":"2016-06-22T14:22:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/?p=730"},"modified":"2016-06-24T10:00:16","modified_gmt":"2016-06-24T14:00:16","slug":"5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

By Amanda Rose<\/p>\n

As Catholics, we are instructed to treat\u00a0others charitably. Does that mean <\/em>you have\u00a0to just put up with attention that makes you uncomfortable?<\/em><\/p>\n

\"Photo<\/a>
Photo by Luke Chesser, Unsplash.Com, CC<\/figcaption><\/figure>\n

Are you feeling hounded by a former spouse, romantic partner, or casual date? Unwanted attention is contact of some type \u2013 in person, via phone or electronic communication \u2013 that continues even though you want it to stop.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019ve been through a\u00a0divorce, you may be carrying emotional wounds from your marriage that make it difficult to differentiate between appropriate and inappropriate attention.\u00a0You may think your uncomfortable feeling is \u201cjust me over-reacting.\u201d Or perhaps you feel sorry for the person showering the unwanted attention, even though that \u201cshower\u201d of attention has become more like a dark thunder storm rather than a gentle rain.\u00a0But also,\u00a0as Catholics, we are instructed to treat\u00a0others charitably, so does that mean you need to just put up with it<\/a>? No.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

No Life-Rights, Baby<\/strong><\/span>!<\/p>\n

Sometimes unrealistic feelings of guilt keep us conflicted and in denial about the situation. Just because you dated someone or were married to them doesn\u2019t mean they have life-rights to your attention! Unless you have children together, you have no obligation to continue communication or contact when the relationship is ended. You have every right to ask someone to stop contacting you.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not mean or uncharitable to assert this right. The other person is obligated to respect your request and stop calling, emailing, texting, popping by, sending you gifts, or whatever else they are doing.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re involved in a situation like this and need some help ending it, here are 5\u00a0steps you can take to end the unwelcome attention:<\/p>\n

1.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Don\u2019t gossip or complain to mutual friends<\/span>.<\/p>\n

This can incite anger in a person prone towards volatile behavior and it\u2019s just not Christian. Feel free to talk with non-mutual friends who will support you in taking these next steps in stopping the unwanted contact.<\/p>\n

2.\u00a0 \u00a0 Send an e<\/span><\/span>mail or text clearly stating you don\u2019t want further communication or contact<\/span>.<\/p>\n

Tell them to stop<\/em>. Keep it simple, keep it kind. Don\u2019t make threats. Save a copy of this dated request, as well as all further communication attempts received, in case you need it as evidence should their unwanted attention cross the line into harassment or stalking.<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Do not give a reason for your request<\/span>.<\/p>\n

Once you\u2019ve broken up, you don\u2019t need to give a reason for wanting contact to stop. In some circumstances this just adds more fuel to the fire by providing them with an objection to overcome, like a used car salesman trying to get you to pay top dollar for the ugliest car on the lot.<\/p>\n

4.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Do not apologize for your request<\/span>.<\/p>\n

You do not owe them an apology when you state your request simply and with respect. Apologizing may encourage further contact by giving an emotional manipulator<\/a> ammunition to try to make you feel guilty about not wanting to talk to them.<\/p>\n

5.\u00a0 \u00a0\u00a0<\/span>Do not respond to further communication<\/span>.<\/p>\n

Do not answer their calls, do not respond to their texts or emails, and do not react on social media. Responding, even to again ask to not be contacted, gives them the attention they want.<\/p>\n

Then What<\/span><\/strong>?<\/p>\n

These five\u00a0steps should extinguish the burning flames of desire in a normal person. If the person continues to attempt contact with you after a few days or so, especially if the contact increases in frequency or anger, then the behavior is moving towards harassment or stalking and not simply annoying behavior.<\/p>\n

Even if contact doesn\u2019t include threats or angry messages, frequent contact, as little as once a week in some states, may still constitute harassment, stalking, or menacing behavior in your state. Take action sooner rather than later to protect your peace of mind and possibly to protect your safety.<\/p>\n

Safety First<\/strong><\/span><\/p>\n

If at any time there are threats, violence, or other behaviors or communications that scare you then please contact your local law enforcement agency or call the National Domestic Violence Hotline<\/a> at 1-800-799-7233<\/span> for advice. They can help you assess possible safety concerns and guide in what your next steps should be if it is a dangerous situation. It is better to over-react and be safe than to under-react and leave yourself at risk.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2423,"featured_media":738,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[115,15,3,111,14,112,33,4,16,27,5,37,6,34],"class_list":["post-730","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage-and-divorce","tag-amanda-rose","tag-breakups","tag-catholic-annulment","tag-catholic-dating","tag-catholic-divorce","tag-dating-advice","tag-dating-after-divorce","tag-divorce","tag-divorce-recovery","tag-divorced-catholic","tag-how-to-heal-after-divorce","tag-lisa-duffy","tag-relationships","tag-the-catholic-guide-to-dating-after-divorce"],"yoast_head":"\n5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/\" \/>\n<link rel=\"next\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/2\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2016-06-22T14:22:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2016-06-24T14:00:16+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/586\/2016\/06\/Bad-Date-600x316.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"600\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"316\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Lisa Duffy\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Lisa Duffy\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/\",\"name\":\"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2016-06-22T14:22:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2016-06-24T14:00:16+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/09718436a9b47d81ab4f885dae7cc336\"},\"description\":\"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/\",\"name\":\"Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/09718436a9b47d81ab4f885dae7cc336\",\"name\":\"Lisa Duffy\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/83cd30e3ddac3dbe6844e51350d3b730?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/83cd30e3ddac3dbe6844e51350d3b730?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Lisa Duffy\"},\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/LisaDuffy.Com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/author\/lduffy\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date","description":"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/","next":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/2\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date","og_description":"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/","og_site_name":"Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls","article_published_time":"2016-06-22T14:22:04+00:00","article_modified_time":"2016-06-24T14:00:16+00:00","og_image":[{"width":600,"height":316,"url":"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/586\/2016\/06\/Bad-Date-600x316.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Lisa Duffy","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Lisa Duffy","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/","name":"5 Steps To End Unwanted Attention After a Bad Date","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#website"},"datePublished":"2016-06-22T14:22:04+00:00","dateModified":"2016-06-24T14:00:16+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/09718436a9b47d81ab4f885dae7cc336"},"description":"As Catholics, we are instructed to treat others charitably. Does that mean you have to just put up with unwanted attention?","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/2016\/06\/5-steps-to-end-unwanted-attention-after-a-bad-date\/"]}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/","name":"Lisa Duffy: A Million Unheard Souls","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/09718436a9b47d81ab4f885dae7cc336","name":"Lisa Duffy","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/83cd30e3ddac3dbe6844e51350d3b730?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/83cd30e3ddac3dbe6844e51350d3b730?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Lisa Duffy"},"sameAs":["http:\/\/LisaDuffy.Com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/author\/lduffy\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/730","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/2423"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=730"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/730\/revisions"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/738"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=730"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=730"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lisaduffy\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=730"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}