{"id":103,"date":"2022-07-16T17:59:35","date_gmt":"2022-07-17T02:59:35","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/livingouttheology\/?p=103"},"modified":"2022-07-16T18:03:55","modified_gmt":"2022-07-17T03:03:55","slug":"can-christians-marry-non-christians","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/livingouttheology\/2022\/07\/can-christians-marry-non-christians\/","title":{"rendered":"Can Christians Marry Non-Christians"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/1469\/2022\/07\/20210526_094308-300x300.jpg\")
\u00a0 I got a question from a reader asking, \u201ccan Christians can marry non-Christians?\u201d You might shrug and say, \u201cwell why not?\u201d \u00a0Clearly, the person asking the question saw that it was not that simple. Now, you are saying, \u201cWell, why is it not so simple?\u201d This is great, you are feeding right into my article. Of course, I am controlling the narrative here, so it is a bit scripted on my part. Nonetheless, let\u2019s have a look at our favorite answer-book, the Bible.<\/p>\n
A\u00a0New Testament Answer<\/h1>\n
Paul, not me but the Apostle, wrote a letter to the Corinthians that appears to address this question almost directly. Undoubtedly it was asked by one of the people in the Corinthian church.<\/p>\n
12\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>To the rest I say (I, not the Lord) that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her. 13\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him. 14\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>For the unbelieving husband is made holy because of his wife, and the unbelieving wife is made holy because of her husband. Otherwise your children would be unclean, but as it is, they are holy. 15\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace. 16\u00a0<\/sup><\/strong>For how do you know, wife, whether you will save your husband? Or how do you know, husband, whether you will save your wife? (1 Cor 7:12-16 ESV)<\/p>\nNow hold on a second, let\u2019s not rush in saying, \u201cThere you go, it is okay.\u201d Let\u2019s walk through this so we really understand all that Paul is saying. First, Paul makes a very important notation in verse 12, \u201cI, not the Lord\u201d.\u00a0 This means that Paul in his understanding of scripture, which includes the Old and the New Testament, and his own relationship with Christ is performing an interpretation of the laws and behaviors that are expected of Christian believers. In other words, there is no edict within Christianity which specifically governs this, so Paul is making a judgement call. This does not mean that it is not \u2018scriptural\u2019.\u00a0 It only means that it is not specifically addressed. Paul, in his apostolical authority, makes his educated interpretation. Paul is interpreting all that he knows to apply it to a new situation.\u00a0 We do this every day. We take the information, ethics, morals, and context to develop responses to situations which we have not been previously confronted with. \u00a0Paul, as an Apostle, is perhaps in a better position than us here, so let\u2019s focus on his position.<\/p>\n
Consenting to Living with her\/him<\/h2>\n
In the v12-13, he says that if you have an unbelieving spouse but adds that they \u2018consent to live with him\/her\u2019.\u00a0 Why the condition? \u00a0The issue that Paul is addressing is that the Corinthians were married and then one of them was converted to Christianity. \u00a0This is a little different than marrying a non-believer, but I still think it applies. In this case, one thought he may have in mind is Matthew 10:34-36, where Jesus indicates, \u201cI did not come to bring peace but a sword\u2026your enemies will be the members of your own household.\u201d Sounds harsh, but Jesus is saying that a Christian should be prepared to meet opposition anywhere, including within their own household. Thus, Paul is acknowledging in one aspect, that the spouse may be directly opposed to Christianity and refuse to remain in the household or the marriage because of it. Second and very importantly, Paul is treating the marriage very much as a partnership. This may sound surprising to some based on other passages (e.g. the oft misinterpreted Eph 5:22-32 but contrast with Gal 3:28). However, reading Paul properly brings his stance of marriage as a partnership in a consistent way. He is indicating here that the spouse should not compel the other spouse to convert. Roy Ciampa in his commentary on 1 Corinthians (p296) echoes this same point noting that the Greco-Roman Patriarchal setting would have allowed such a compulsion of the husband on the wife to convert to whatever religion he was. Paul urges not to do this.<\/p>\n
One Making Both Holy<\/h2>\n
Paul then launches into how one spouse can make the other, and the children holy (v14). Paul is clear that the woman\u2019s faith as much as the man\u2019s can save the family. Sometimes it is the prince who needs saving by the princess. Further, Paul indicates that the children are holy as well. One must keep in mind that it is understood that the believing person in the relationship is a Christian in spirit and in action (James 1:22). The whole letter is about Christian behavior and character which the believing spouse is expected to display.<\/p>\n
Separation<\/h2>\n
Here Paul indicates that the unbelieving spouse may leave (v15-16). \u00a0The two verses combine to explain one another. The unbelieving spouse may leave if they simply cannot live with the situation and the remaining spouse should be okay with his, although certainly a level a sadness is expected. The verse 16, however, modifies the understanding. \u00a0I would agree with Mark Taylor in his commentary on 1 Corinthians that v16 is one that is optimistic in two ways. First, that the believing spouse has no way of knowing if his\/her behavior may impact the other sufficiently to encourage them to conversion. No one can know this but God. Even if you doubt the spouse will convert, God may nonetheless surprise you. Second, that the sanctity of marriage, signified in \u201cGod has called you to peace\u201d, should be upheld due to this optimism. Note that this optimism in marriage and spousal conversion is also seen in 1 Peter 3:1-6.<\/p>\n
Now the Issue with non-Christian Marriage According to the OT<\/h1>\n
It is not all good news I am afraid. The Old Testament, and yes it absolutely is important to consider it as even Jesus commented that \u201cnot one iota not one dot, will pass from the Law until all is accomplished.\u201d The OT is an important part of God\u2019s revelation to humankind and none of it should be ignored.<\/p>\n
In the Old Testament there are many passages about inter-marriage with people of other religious persuasion (Deut 7:3; Neh 13:25) and even the idea that the Israelites should divorce people not of Israel (Ezra 10:3;19). \u00a0Context is very important when interpreting biblical passages. It certainly is not the only consideration, but it is an important one. \u00a0Thus, we consider why such rules were in place and what it meant to the people of Israel, later the Christians, and us today.<\/p>\n
Apostasy is the Threat<\/h2>\n
In the cases of the Old Testament, the passages are all very concerned about Israel losing its identity (Ezra 10:3;19 certainly has this in view). \u00a0The people of Israel had married into pagan households resulting in them practicing as pagans, walking away from God. This is a serious concern in the Old Testament and a situation that is often played out with horrible consequences.\u00a0 Consider Solomon, the wisest man in the OT and son of David. He married many women.\u00a0 Polygamy is mentioned in the Bible, but any analysis of the consequences demonstrates that it always results in disaster of various levels. \u00a0Solomon\u2019s wives were not all Jewish.\u00a0 Many practiced pagan religions and religious rights.\u00a0 This resulted in Solomon defiling the land of Israel by erecting temples and statues to other gods at the bidding of his wives. He chooses to please his spouse as opposed to God. <\/strong>This is the fear that Paul expresses in 2 Corinthians 6:14-7:1 when he speaks of \u201cnot being yoked together with unbelievers\u2026\u201d \u00a0We, as humans and Christians, must live in the world but should not be of the world.\u00a0 When we are in relationships with non-Christians, we must be cautious about whom we are putting first.<\/p>\nThe Sin of Adam?<\/h2>\n
Yes, this is how we get to Adam\u2019s sin. Sure, Eve took the fruit from the snaky devil, but Adam was right there. It can be noted that it was Adam, before Eve was created, that was given the instructions about the tree and the fruit (Gen 2:15-17). In one interpretation you could consider it Adam\u2019s role to convey the word of the Lord and it was Eve\u2019s role to protect Adam, that is to ensure that he did his role. Funny isn\u2019t it that Eve would be considered the protector. I have discussed this in other contexts and hope to get around to explaining this further in another post someday. Eve ate the fruit first then she turned to her husband and gave the fruit to Adam\u2026.and he ate (Gen 3:6). \u00a0Adam knew better. The scripture does not say he was deceived by the snake, he was given the fruit by Eve. \u00a0He was not \u2018deceived\u2019 by Eve. He was faced with a choice, please his wife or please God. This was the issue with Abraham and Sarah, Israel during the time of Ezra, Solomon during his reign, what Paul was warning about to the Corinthians, and the danger we face when married to a non-believer. We will be faced with choosing whom to please.<\/p>\n
Application in the Modern World<\/h1>\n
So, can we marry non-Christian persons?\u00a0 Yes. There is a saving grace that may be conveyed to the spouse if you do. However, you will need to understand the challenge that this marriage will face and you as a believer will face. There are some items that make any marriage a challenge. Please do not consider this a listing of why NOT to marry the person you are considering. Instead, understand that you should know that the challenges are there, what they are, and to face them head-on. \u00a0The primary challenges from various books and sources appear to be level of education, cultural differences, language differences, and religious differences.\u00a0 The only one I have reviewed here is the religious difference. Certainly, none of these are insurmountable in a marriage, but all of them represent potential challenges for the longevity of the marriage. Each couple is unique. Some may be able to embrace the cultural differences without issues, others may struggle. Some may engage in the religious culture others may avoid it.<\/p>\n
For the religious one, you will face issues of holidays, religious practices, potential derision from in-laws, how the wedding is done, and importantly how the children are raised. These are serious questions that should be discussed openly and frankly. \u00a0Working together as a team you can even see this as an opportunity to come closer together. As the Christian, you will need to understand the choice as noted above.\u00a0 Where do you place God in your life and family? Pray for guidance and peace. Marriage is a special and sacred bond, despite self-centered-satisfaction common in the Western world. God created marriage with Adam and Eve and I have faith that he will it.<\/p>\n
For an excellent resource consider Timothy Keller\u2019s \u201cThe Meaning of Marriage: Facing the Complexities of Commitment with the Wisdom of God.\u201d I walked through this book with my college aged children and their cousins.\u00a0 It was a wonderful and enlightening journey which I would recommend to anyone before, considering, or in a marriage.<\/p>\n
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\u00a0 I got a question from a reader asking, \u201ccan Christians can marry non-Christians?\u201d You might shrug and say, \u201cwell why not?\u201d \u00a0Clearly, the person asking the question saw that it was not that simple. Now, you are saying, \u201cWell, why is it not so simple?\u201d This is great, you are feeding right into my […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":4632,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[12,9,18,21,6,28,26],"class_list":["post-103","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-bible","tag-biblicalidioms","tag-biblicalinterpretation","tag-christianlife","tag-livingouttheology","tag-marriage","tag-theology"],"yoast_head":"\n
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