{"id":536,"date":"2012-01-12T09:00:19","date_gmt":"2012-01-12T17:00:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveinshallah\/?p=536"},"modified":"2014-11-03T11:19:11","modified_gmt":"2014-11-03T18:19:11","slug":"spotlight-tolu-adiba-peeking-out-of-the-closet-to-contribute-to-love-inshallah","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveinshallah\/2012\/01\/12\/spotlight-tolu-adiba-peeking-out-of-the-closet-to-contribute-to-love-inshallah\/","title":{"rendered":"Spotlight: Tolu Adiba, peeking out of the closet to contribute to Love InshAllah!"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"Tolu Adiba (pen name) is the daughter of Nigerian immigrants and converted to Islam as a teenager. She resides on the East Coast and has been involved in volunteering with a number of\u00a0prominent American Muslim initiatives and organizations over the years.<\/p>\n

An excerpt from Tolu\u2019s story, \u201cA Prayer Answered\u201d:<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI was drawn to Islam\u2019s simplicity. I set out on a path, like so\u00a0many lesbians and gays, trying to reconcile my faith and my sexuality,\u00a0both of which I believed stemmed from God. But I lived in a\u00a0state of fear, careful not to react externally to the harsh rhetoric I\u00a0heard from imams and Muslim friends about gays, while cringing\u00a0internally. I told myself that being gay was a test. This was the message\u00a0I kept hearing, sometimes from leaders whom I looked to for\u00a0guidance, even as they expressed a special revulsion reserved for\u00a0homosexuality\u2014or, more specifically, the thought of men having\u00a0sex with other men. I thought\u2014if my faith was strong enough\u2014I\u00a0could pray, fast, or marry my way out of my sexuality.<\/em><\/p>\n

I vowed to remain closeted and celibate and eventually submit\u00a0to marriage as a means of fulfilling my desire for companionship\u00a0and to have children. I tried to push the thought of sex with a\u00a0man out of my mind. I wouldn\u2019t be the first woman to grin and\u00a0bear it, and polygamy was becoming an attractive option. At least\u00a0I wouldn\u2019t have to fake it on the days reserved for the other wife.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

To read the rest of Tolu\u2019s story, order <\/a>Love InshAllah <\/em>today!<\/p>\n

Why were you drawn to this project?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Writing for Love, InshAllah, both excited and scared me. I\u2019ve never spoken openly about my personal life but I found the act of writing to be cathartic. The writing process made me really look deeply within and allowed emotions to surface that I had tried to forget or keep hidden. The support and encouragement from Ayesha and Nura as I struggled and went back and forth was invaluable.<\/p>\n

What was the most challenging part of sharing your story?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Deciding whether to write using my real name or under a pen name. I was very close to using my actual name and even now a part of me thinks I should have.<\/p>\n

If you\u2019re writing under a pen name, why?<\/strong><\/p>\n

Good question. Part of it is simply cowardice, I\u2019m not sure I\u2019m ready to deal with the reactions from family and friends related to my coming out story. Part of it has to do with protecting the privacy of my partners that are currently closeted. Another aspect revolves around my struggle to understand and balance my sexuality with my faith. I am well aware of the Prophetic traditions that discourage a person from disclosing certain behavior, which God has covered.<\/p>\n

It was a very hard decision to write under a pen name, one that I continue to struggle with each day. I often daydream about disclosing that Tolu Adiba\u2019s story is my own. Maybe, one day\u2026<\/p>\n

If there\u2019s one thing you hope that readers will take away from your story, what is it?<\/strong><\/p>\n

That there are a lot of religious gay Muslims who struggle, often alone, to reconcile their faith and their sexuality and that we need support and not condemnation from family, friends, and religious leaders.<\/p>\n

Anything else you want to share?<\/strong><\/p>\n

I love women and I view that as a gift from God. I have not been abused nor were my parents distant nor am I completely averse to men. It\u2019s just that I find women so much more interesting! I know some people may be shocked by the happy well-adjusted lesbian motif but writing my story has actually allowed me to let go of a lot of the anger and destructive emotions I had tried and failed miserably to keep bottled inside. Hiding is stressful. I\u2019m much happier now as I make my way however slowly and cautiously out of the closet.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Tolu Adiba (pen name) is the daughter of Nigerian immigrants and converted to Islam as a teenager. She resides on the East Coast and has been involved in volunteering with a number of\u00a0prominent American Muslim initiatives and organizations over the years. An excerpt from Tolu\u2019s story, \u201cA Prayer Answered\u201d: \u201cI was drawn to Islam\u2019s simplicity. […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":2101,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[11],"tags":[123,339,687,802,824,1007,1262,1575],"class_list":["post-536","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-love-inshallah-writers","tag-american-muslims","tag-dating","tag-islam","tag-love","tag-love-stories","tag-muslim-women","tag-relationships","tag-women-writers"],"yoast_head":"\nSpotlight: Tolu Adiba, peeking out of the closet to contribute to Love InshAllah!<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Tolu Adiba (pen name) is the daughter of Nigerian immigrants and converted to Islam as a teenager. 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