{"id":7795,"date":"2014-08-18T09:02:19","date_gmt":"2014-08-18T14:02:19","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/?p=7795"},"modified":"2014-08-19T09:44:45","modified_gmt":"2014-08-19T14:44:45","slug":"what-if-they-think-im-gay-and-other-fears-that-keep-people-from-engaging","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/08\/what-if-they-think-im-gay-and-other-fears-that-keep-people-from-engaging\/","title":{"rendered":"“What If They Think I’m Gay?” And Other Fears that Keep People from Engaging"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

The following post is by Jason Bilbrey, our Director of Pastoral Care here at The Marin Foundation. \u00a0You can read more from Jason at his blog,\u00a0<\/a><\/span>www.jasonbilbrey.com<\/span><\/a>\u00a0or follow him on Twitter at @JasonBilbrey.<\/span><\/em>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n

\"1801113_834860833193130_1934268548437034059_o\"<\/a>\u201cBe Bold.\u201d This is the declaration splashed across our website and facebook page. It\u2019s The Marin Foundation\u2019s motto, although it\u2019s not one that I reflect on often. A need for boldness is not something I typically associate with the conversation surround faith and sexual orientation and gender identity. If anything, the tone of the conversation\u2013from both conservative and progressive voices\u2013often leads me to mutter to myself an opposite motto: \u201cC\u2019mon\u2026show some restraint.\u201d<\/p>\n

I often forget the value of boldness when it is demonstrated by moderate, thoughtful individuals who are just beginning to engage in this conversation. It takes courage to open oneself up to a wave of new questions and scrutiny.<\/p>\n

There are a whole host of \u201cwhat if\u2026\u201d questions that keep people from speaking up. Here are a few, and how to push past them:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if they think <\/b>I\u2019m<\/i><\/b> gay?\u201d<\/b> I have many straight friends whose first steps toward advocacy for the LGBTQ community were met with questions about their own sexual orientation. I think it\u2019s just part of the territory. And that\u2019s okay. It\u2019s okay that people speculate about your sexuality or falsely identify you as gay or bi when you\u2019re not. Even if it\u2019s an attempt to discredit you, being bold means embracing the possibility of being misunderstood. As I\u2019ve written before<\/a>, Jesus certainly wasn\u2019t afraid to allow his actions to be misinterpreted.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s also the possibility someone who actually is gay mistaking you for gay. And guess what? That\u2019s okay too. If you get hit on, it\u2019s a compliment\u2013no matter what that person\u2019s gender. Treat it as such, even as you politely set the record straight\u2013so to speak. Imagine if you were mistaken for, say, Italian and then you swore up and down that you weren\u2019t, that there was no way you were even a little<\/i> bit Italian. That kind of response would lead others to believe that you thought there was something shameful about being Italian. The same goes for being taken for gay.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I unintentionally say something offensive?\u201d <\/b>You will.\u00a0Probably. At some point. I\u2019ve written about certain words and phrases that we Christians should outright ban from our vocabulary (\u201cLove the Sinner, Hate the Sin<\/a>,\u201d \u201cHomosexual<\/a>,\u201d etc.), but the truth is, you\u2019re bound to say the wrong thing at some point. The most important thing is that you take a posture of a student, deferring to others as the expert of their own experience. You may learn that \u201cqueer\u201d can be a derogatory term, but then hear someone self-identify as \u201cqueer.\u201d You should allow your knowledge of what\u2019s appropriate and preferred language to be shaped by each LGBTQ individual you interact with. That\u2019s the difference between cultural competency and cultural humility. (More on that distinction in my next post).<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I don\u2019t have a watertight theology of same-sex relationships?\u201d<\/b> If \u201ccultural humility\u201d is a preferred perspective over \u201ccultural competency,\u201d perhaps there\u2019s a parallel to be made with our understanding of the Bible: \u201chermeneutical humility\u201d over \u201chermeneutical competency.\u201d That\u2019s a fancy way of saying it\u2019s all right if you don\u2019t have the most cogent analysis on these six verses, known as the \u201cclobber passages,\u201d that reference same-sex relationships. Your ability to love, honor and stand in solidarity with your LGBTQ brothers and sisters does not depend on you having all the most satisfactory answers. Allow God to teach you truth as you practice the truth.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat if I\u2019m asked to do something I\u2019m not comfortable with?\u201d<\/b> I\u2019ve written about attending a gay loved one\u2019s wedding<\/a> (with a few notes in the comment section about officiating one). And I think in nearly every case, the best thing to do is to go. Go in a spirit of celebration. Go without fear\u2013again\u2013of having your motivations misinterpreted. Go because Jesus would go.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cBe Bold.\u201d This is the declaration splashed across our website and facebook page. It\u2019s The Marin Foundation\u2019s motto, although it\u2019s not one that I reflect on often. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1306,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[127,141,1],"tags":[167,129],"class_list":["post-7795","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-lgbt","category-living-in-the-tension","category-uncategorized","tag-church","tag-faith-and-homosexuality"],"yoast_head":"\n"What If They Think I'm Gay?" And Other Fears that Keep People from Engaging<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"\u201cBe Bold.\u201d This is the declaration splashed across our website and facebook page. 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