Being the Token Gay Christian<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I am glad my fianc\u00e9e and I represented ourselves and our love in a positive light. BUT\u2026 What if I had been having a bad day? I can be quite shy and sometimes I just don\u2019t feel like explaining myself to new people \u2013 so what if I had ignored my friend\u2019s father? What if my fianc\u00e9e and I had been arguing or experiencing a tense moment in our relationship? Would my friend\u2019s father have walked away with the same positive changes in his viewpoint or would we have confirmed every negative opinion he believed about LGBTQ people?\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/08\/being-the-token-gay-christian\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Being the Token Gay Christian\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I am glad my fianc\u00e9e and I represented ourselves and our love in a positive light. BUT\u2026 What if I had been having a bad day? I can be quite shy and sometimes I just don\u2019t feel like explaining myself to new people \u2013 so what if I had ignored my friend\u2019s father? 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{"id":7816,"date":"2014-08-22T09:22:28","date_gmt":"2014-08-22T14:22:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/?p=7816"},"modified":"2014-09-03T13:07:31","modified_gmt":"2014-09-03T18:07:31","slug":"being-the-token-gay-christian","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/08\/being-the-token-gay-christian\/","title":{"rendered":"Being the Token Gay Christian"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

The following post is from Laura Statesir, Director of Family and Youth at The Marin Foundation.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

$\"TMF_0276_laura_bw\"$ <\/a>A while ago my fianc\u00e9e and I attended a Christmas party at a friend\u2019s house. We stuffed ourselves with holiday themed snacks and drinks and chatted with the other guests. Our friend\u2019s parents were there and we talked with them as well. A good time was had by all\u2026<\/p>\n

A few weeks later our friend told us how glad she was we had been at that party and spoken with her parents. It turns out that her father, who didn\u2019t have the most loving perspective of the LGBTQ community, was greatly impacted by getting to know and observing me and my fianc\u00e9e.\u00a0 Apparently hearing about our lives and watching how we care for one another helped to change some beliefs that her father held about gay people.<\/p>\n

So this is great right? It\u2019s wonderful that another person\u2019s attitudes have been challenged by meeting a LGBTQ Christian person. Frankly all I remember discussing with my friend\u2019s father was sports but I am always incredibly grateful anytime the Lord moves in people\u2019s hearts. I am glad my fianc\u00e9e and I represented ourselves and our love in a positive light.<\/p>\n

BUT\u2026<\/p>\n

I live in fear of screwing up. If I mess up it\u2019s not \u201cLaura\u00a0did something wrong\u201d, it\u2019s \u201cthat lesbian Christian woman did something wrong,\u201d most likely followed by an \u201cI told you so.\u201d If I don\u2019t represent myself as a gay Christian in a favorable light then my conduct could damage someone\u2019s idea of what a gay Christian looks like. I don\u2019t mean to sound pompous or self-important, but it seems like my actions have the power to either confirm or confront stereotypes and therefore affect LGBTQ Christians\u2019 chances of being accepted, respected, and included.<\/p>\n

I have still spent much of my life outside of the majority. In college I was one of the only females in a student military organization known as the Corps of Cadets. Later, as an instructor for a wilderness therapy program that worked with adjudicated youth, I was one of the only Christian staff members. Then for five years I lived and worked in the Dominican Republic and was one of few foreigners. But none of those experiences prepared me for my journey as a LGBTQ Christian.<\/p>\n

In all of these experiences I had never truly felt such an imperative and momentous weight in representing a minority until I came out as a gay Christian. LGBTQ people are a minority in our country and LGBTQ Christians are an even smaller part of that larger gay community.<\/p>\n

Being a gay Christian there is an immense pressure to always do the right thing and always provide the best example. If I do something well I prove the validity of our existence. I show people you can be gay and still love and serve Jesus. My behavior could help break down negative stereotypes and create more grace-filled interactions. What an incredible honor and what a heavy, heavy burden.<\/p>\n

Even in my upcoming\u00a0marriage\u00a0I feel this same pressure to represent gay Christians well. (As if any\u00a0marriage\u00a0needs more pressure to succeed.) I love my fianc\u00e9e with all my heart and plan to stay committed to her for life, but what if our\u00a0marriage\u00a0didn\u2019t last? What message would that give to those who disagree with same-sex\u00a0marriages? That same-sex\u00a0marriages\u00a0won\u2019t last because they aren\u2019t blessed by God? (Because straight\u00a0marriages\u00a0NEVER end in divorce, right?) And what if we had kids and for whatever reason one of our kids turned out to be LGBTQ or not a believer? What would that say to those who think LGBTQ people should not be parents?<\/p>\n

It is an unjust burden that LGBTQ Christians have to be on their best behavior; that we are not allowed to be human because we must be more than. On a personal level, feeling such responsibility has at times made me bitter or feel like I\u2019m putting on a show. In trying to show the world that not all gay people are heavy drinkers and drug users, for example, I should be allowed to have a glass of wine. In trying to show the world that not all gay people are promiscuous, I should be allowed to have relationships that fail. In trying to show the world that not all gay people are atheists I should be allowed to ask questions and express my doubts.<\/p>\n

So on behalf of my LGBTQ brothers and sisters in Christ, I ask that you do not force us onto a pedestal. Do not judge or form opinions about our entire community based on your experiences with one person. Allow us to be human, to make mistakes, to err. Allow us to be who we truly are (including the messy parts), and extend to us the same grace that Christ has extended to you in your own life.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I am glad my fianc\u00e9e and I represented ourselves and our love in a positive light.<\/p>\n

BUT\u2026<\/p>\n