{"id":7878,"date":"2014-09-29T11:55:31","date_gmt":"2014-09-29T16:55:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/?p=7878"},"modified":"2014-09-29T11:55:31","modified_gmt":"2014-09-29T16:55:31","slug":"labels","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/","title":{"rendered":"Labels"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"label\"<\/a><\/strong><\/p>\n

The following post is by Jason Bilbrey, our Director of Pastoral Care here at The Marin Foundation. \u00a0You can read more from Jason at his blog,\u00a0<\/a><\/span>www.jasonbilbrey.com<\/span><\/a>\u00a0or follow him on Twitter at @JasonBilbrey.<\/span><\/em><\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m not a big fan of\u2013you know\u2026labels.\u201d<\/strong> That was my mom\u2019s response a few weeks ago when I asked if she considered herself a feminist.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you mean?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

\u201cWell, I\u2019ve never been very comfortable with that term. For some people, especially of my generation, it seems to have some negative connotations that I\u2019m not sure I want to be associated with.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a certain irony in hearing the word \u201cfeminist\u201d rebuffed by the very woman who inspired my own adoption of it. What my mom sees as an unwelcomed and uncertain set of loyalties to a cause, I see as a basic acknowledgement of gender equality, illustrated everyday by billions of women like her (I\u2019m a proud feminist, but that\u2019s a post for another time).<\/p>\n

Labels are tricky.<\/strong> On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation.<\/strong> This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals.<\/p>\n

On the other hand, labels can be oppressive.<\/strong> My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.<\/p>\n

It really comes down to agency. When labels are used as a tool for self-identification, the agency remains entirely with the individual. When labels are used as a system of classification imposed on individuals by others, the agency is stripped from the individual.<\/p>\n

I remember talking with a guy a few months ago. When he and his wife were married a few years ago, both identified as lesbian women. Then, about a year into marriage, he transitioned to male. A big part of their journey was figuring out the right labels to adopt. For the guy I was talking to, identifying as a man meant that \u201clesbian\u201d didn\u2019t really fit anymore. He had never really felt like a lesbian, and after transitioning he finally felt the freedom to identify as \u201cstraight.\u201d That\u2019s what he had felt all along.<\/p>\n

His wife had a different perspective. She loved her partner and was fully supportive of his transition. But the term \u201cstraight\u201d didn\u2019t feel right. She didn\u2019t feel \u201cstraight.\u201d \u201cLesbian\u201d didn\u2019t seem right anymore either, but it\u2019s not as if her orientation had somehow changed since they were married. She settled on the term \u201cqueer,\u201d an umbrella term that acknowledged her not-straight orientation while also, she felt, keeping ties with the LGBTQ community, an important part of her life.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve talked with many people who identify as same-sex attracted and who are very uncomfortable with the term \u201cgay.\u201d I know many people who identify as gay and who despise the term \u201csame-sex attracted.\u201d Labels are often hard-won and in constant need of defense against misinterpretation.<\/strong> (Just look at Eliel\u2019s excellent post about bisexuality<\/a> last week.)<\/p>\n

The healthiest and most effective use of labels I\u2019ve ever seen was in the documentary \u201c(A)sexual.\u201d It\u2019s on Netflix. Find it. Watch it. It centers around a guy named David Jay who more or less invented the term in 2002 to describe his own lack of sexual attraction to anyone at all, ever. His website, AVEN (the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network) attracted thousands of people around the world whose own experience paralleled his. \u201cI thought I was the only one,\u201d one woman said in the documentary. \u201cFinding AVEN gave me a name for what I had always experienced but could never explain.\u201d<\/p>\n

We watched this documentary at one of The Marin Foundation\u2019s biweekly Living in the Tension gatherings. During the discussion afterward, I remember one individual, who identified as asexual, say that finding the term made him feel so validated. \u201cIt\u2019s like someone finally gave me permission to exist.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

I cannot imagine a more ringing endorsement for labels. At their best, they can catalyze communities, validate experience and define one\u2019s sense of self. How someone identifies is not up for debate. Ever.<\/strong> That\u2019s one of our guiding principles here at The Marin Foundation. It goes back to the cultural humility piece I talked about in my last blog post<\/a>. People are the experts of their own experience. We should let them be.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals.
\nOn the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1306,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-7878","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nLabels<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Labels\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love is an Orientation\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/files\/2014\/09\/label-300x168.jpg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Andrew Marin\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Andrew Marin\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/\",\"name\":\"Labels\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/f0ea2c5dcf314688ae571cb498de383f\"},\"description\":\"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Labels\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/\",\"name\":\"Love is an Orientation\",\"description\":\"Exploring the active engagement of bridging opposing worldviews\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/f0ea2c5dcf314688ae571cb498de383f\",\"name\":\"Andrew Marin\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fd31eb40136f158f531a79dad9c4ffd?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fd31eb40136f158f531a79dad9c4ffd?s=96&d=mm&r=pg\",\"caption\":\"Andrew Marin\"},\"description\":\"Andrew Marin is President and Founder of The Marin Foundation (www.themarinfoundation.org). He is the award winning author of two books and a DVD curriculum, and his new book Us Versus Us: The Untold Story of Religion & the LGBT Community, will release June 2016. Since 2010 Andrew has been asked by the United Nations to advise their various agencies on issues of bridging opposing worldviews, civic engagement, and Christian involvement in reconciliation. He is currently based St. Andrews, Scotland where he is researching and teaching at the University of St. Andrews, earning his PhD in Divinity. His research focuses on the theology and praxis of social reconciliation between victims and their perpetrators. Andrew is married to Brenda, and you can find him elsewhere on Twitter (@Andrew_Marin), Facebook (AndrewMarin01), and Instagram (@andrewmarin1).\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/author\/loveisanorientation\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Labels","description":"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Labels","og_description":"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/","og_site_name":"Love is an Orientation","article_published_time":"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00","og_image":[{"url":"http:\/\/wp.production.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/files\/2014\/09\/label-300x168.jpg"}],"author":"Andrew Marin","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Andrew Marin","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/","name":"Labels","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#website"},"datePublished":"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00","dateModified":"2014-09-29T16:55:31+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/f0ea2c5dcf314688ae571cb498de383f"},"description":"Labels are tricky. On the one hand, they can be incredibly useful as tool for self-definition and community-affiliation. This was my wife\u2019s attitude toward the word \u201cbisexual.\u201d Finally, she had a label that helped make sense of her experience and connect her to a community of like individuals. On the other hand, labels can be oppressive. My wife and I tend to feel this way about the term \u201cmixed-orientation couple\u201d or \u201cmixed-orientation marriage.\u201d Technically, my wife and I fit that description; she\u2019s bi and I\u2019m straight. But the term seems to imply a conflict of sexual orientations that is absent in our relationship. So it\u2019s not a particularly useful label for us.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/2014\/09\/labels\/#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Labels"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/","name":"Love is an Orientation","description":"Exploring the active engagement of bridging opposing worldviews","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/f0ea2c5dcf314688ae571cb498de383f","name":"Andrew Marin","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fd31eb40136f158f531a79dad9c4ffd?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/1fd31eb40136f158f531a79dad9c4ffd?s=96&d=mm&r=pg","caption":"Andrew Marin"},"description":"Andrew Marin is President and Founder of The Marin Foundation (www.themarinfoundation.org). He is the award winning author of two books and a DVD curriculum, and his new book Us Versus Us: The Untold Story of Religion & the LGBT Community, will release June 2016. Since 2010 Andrew has been asked by the United Nations to advise their various agencies on issues of bridging opposing worldviews, civic engagement, and Christian involvement in reconciliation. He is currently based St. Andrews, Scotland where he is researching and teaching at the University of St. Andrews, earning his PhD in Divinity. His research focuses on the theology and praxis of social reconciliation between victims and their perpetrators. Andrew is married to Brenda, and you can find him elsewhere on Twitter (@Andrew_Marin), Facebook (AndrewMarin01), and Instagram (@andrewmarin1).","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/author\/loveisanorientation\/"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7878","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1306"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=7878"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/7878\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=7878"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=7878"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/loveisanorientation\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=7878"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}