{"id":1301,"date":"2012-03-05T10:48:34","date_gmt":"2012-03-05T14:48:34","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/freethoughtblogs.com\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=1301"},"modified":"2012-03-20T22:52:52","modified_gmt":"2012-03-21T02:52:52","slug":"on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html","title":{"rendered":"On closet atheists and the atheist “out” campaign"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

After I wrote my post explaining that I blog anonymously and why<\/a>, and a subsequent post on the journey of coming out<\/a>,I received a number of comments from atheists, agnostics, and skeptics who are not fully \u201cout\u201d either.<\/p>\n

The Timid Atheist explained her reasons for not coming out as follows:<\/p>\n

The biggest reason I don\u2019t come out is because I\u2019m a single mother living in a state that absolutely looks at religion as something required for children to have a happy, healthy, well-rounded home life. And I\u201dm in the middle of a custody battle for my child. If it were to get out during this time that I\u2019m an atheist, I know without a doubt it would be a strike against me. and I can\u2019t risk that, not now. Perhaps that\u2019s selfish, but truly, my daughter sees me rarely enough as it is and to make that happen even less because I don\u2019t believe in God seems even more selfish on my part.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

ScottInOH\u2019s story was only more heartbreaking.<\/p>\n

Another permutation of this is when you are married to someone who is religious, you are raising your kids in the faith, and then you start to have questions. As hard as it would be to come out to my parents (and, honestly, I doubt I would do it), it would be harder to come out to my wife and kids. I don\u2019t consider myself an atheist\u2013probably more or a doubter or a questioner\u2013but I don\u2019t feel like I can share even those doubts with my family.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Lane explains as follows:<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t bear the idea of my mom losing sleep over the idea of me suffering eternal damnation in hell. I love my mom more than pretty much anyone else in the world, and to bring her that much pain would be nearly unbearable. I don\u2019t want to cause her that much anguish, and I don\u2019t want her to waste her time praying over my \u201csoul\u201d.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And Rookie Atheist offers similar reasons:<\/p>\n

I fear that coming out to my mom will cause her to sink further into her militant Catholicism. She might also increase the number of days she fasts, a practice she undertakes to save help save her soul and those of her loved ones.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Just today I came upon a blog called Ex-Christian Mom<\/a>. The bio reads as follows:<\/p>\n

I live in suburbia\u2026 nice lawns, good schools, and lots and lots of churches. I was a sold-out Christian for ten years and I work in a Christian company.<\/p>\n

My friends and family don\u2019t know that I\u2019ve become a heathen \u2013 in fact, my kids are gung-ho for Jesus so I take them to church and youth group regularly. I\u2019m using this blog to keep myself from going bat-shit crazy all alone in this new godless (but not humorless!) land.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

And so I have to wonder, how many of us are there really? How many of us are atheists, agnostics, or simply doubters and yet not fully out about our questions or lack of belief? I know what the census numbers say, but is the number of those with questions actually much larger than acknowledged?<\/p>\n

But more than that, this makes me sad. Sad that we have to hide our unbelief and questions. Sad that we can only say anonymously on the internet what we\u2019re really thinking. Sad that religion and our culture has created a situation in which people must lie or hide their thoughts, sometimes even from those closest to them, in order to not harm relationships or cause others pain.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s almost like we\u2019re surrounded by a structure that holds those of us with religious families or religious upbringings or even simply living in highly religious communities in the closet. It\u2019s like a hand over our mouths, a door that only swings one way, or simply an irrepressible feeling of the need to stay muffled. It\u2019s a structure set up so that disbelief is punished and those who step out of line feel the consequences. And the weird thing is, it\u2019s an organic structure. It\u2019s not like there\u2019s a pope or bishop in charge waiting to excommunicate us or force us out of the community. But it\u2019s there nonetheless, as those of us who are entangled in it understand mroe than most.<\/p>\n

Now I\u2019m not saying that one\u2019s family always has to know everything about one\u2019s innermost life. I am not sad for those who choose to not reveal their atheism because it\u2019s personal and they don\u2019t want to. There\u2019s nothing wrong with that. I\u2019m sad, rather, for those of us who hold our questions and disbelief close because opening our hands and being honest would result in pain, heartache, and consequences we would rather not face.<\/p>\n

You may or may not have heard of the\u00a0Atheist Out<\/a> campaign. The idea is that the more atheists come out, the less they will feel alone, and the more atheists people know the more people will see that atheists are simply people like everyone else, not some sort of scary stereotype.\u00a0If we were all out, perhaps things would be easier \u2013 after all, we\u2019d see others around us with questions and our families would know others with questions.<\/p>\n

The Atheist Out campaign does not advocate outing anyone who does not want to come out, nor does it attempt to shame those who are not out. Everyone\u2019s circumstances are different. For some, remaining in the closet may be the only way to maintain precious relationships with family and friends, and keeping one\u2019s mouth shut may be an\u00a0acceptable\u00a0price to pay. Believe me, I know!<\/p>\n

I just wish that, for so many of us, it didn\u2019t have to be like this.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

After I wrote my post explaining that I blog anonymously and why, and a subsequent post on the journey of coming out,I received a number of comments from atheists, agnostics, and skeptics who are not fully \u201cout\u201d either. The Timid Atheist explained her reasons for not coming out as follows: The biggest reason I don\u2019t […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[20,43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1301","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-atheism","category-family"],"yoast_head":"\nOn closet atheists and the atheist "out" campaign<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"After I wrote my post explaining that I blog anonymously and why, and a subsequent post on the journey of coming out,I received a number of comments from\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"On closet atheists and the atheist "out" campaign\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"After I wrote my post explaining that I blog anonymously and why, and a subsequent post on the journey of coming out,I received a number of comments from\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-03-05T14:48:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-03-21T02:52:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html\",\"name\":\"On closet atheists and the atheist \\\"out\\\" campaign\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-03-05T14:48:34+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-03-21T02:52:52+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"After I wrote my post explaining that I blog anonymously and why, and a subsequent post on the journey of coming out,I received a number of comments from\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/03\/on-closet-atheists-and-the-atheist-out-campaign.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"On closet atheists and the atheist “out” campaign\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. 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