{"id":13619,"date":"2013-03-03T12:26:29","date_gmt":"2013-03-03T16:26:29","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=13619"},"modified":"2013-03-01T00:36:37","modified_gmt":"2013-03-01T04:36:37","slug":"purity-rings-marians-story","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/03\/purity-rings-marians-story.html","title":{"rendered":"Purity Rings: Marian’s Story"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>A Guest Post by Marian of<\/strong><\/em><\/span> <\/strong><\/em>Values from Scratch<\/a><\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

One day in 11th<\/sup> grade my English teacher assigned us a writing exercise in which we were to come up with five poems about everyday objects.\u00a0 I think we\u2019d been reading William Carlos Williams, specifically \u201cThe Red Wheelbarrow.\u201d\u00a0 I love to write, but I hate poetry, so it was difficult for me.\u00a0 As I cast my mind about for objects special enough to write poems on (completely missing the point of the assignment) my eyes fell on my purity ring, always sparkling on my left ring finger.\u00a0 So yes, I once wrote a poem about my purity ring.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t have it anymore, thank God.\u00a0 If I did, I\u2019d want to include it here, because it was probably too freaking hilarious.\u00a0 However, I\u2019m sure it would also be embarrassing beyond words.\u00a0 So on the whole; I\u2019m thankful I don\u2019t have to reveal it to the world.\u00a0 My poor English teacher though\u2026<\/p>\n

Anyway, the poem was about how the heart shape of the stone symbolized my heart (real original, huh?) and the whiteness of the stone symbolized my purity, and the brilliant, ever shifting colors symbolized my\u2026 inner fire? Passion? Something like that.\u00a0 The stone was an opal, hence both the whiteness and the colors.\u00a0 In reality, it symbolized no such thing; opal is my birthstone.\u00a0 But ret-conning symbolism into everyday things is standard practice for Evangelicals.<\/p>\n

My mom gave me that ring on the occasion of my first period, which at the time made me feel all wonderful and symbolic.\u00a0 \u201cShe\u2019s giving me my purity ring at the time when purity starts to really matter\u2026 now that I am a woman and capable of bearing a child.\u201d I crowed in my head.\u00a0 First of all, ICK! <\/em>\u00a0Second of all, though I may have started my period, a 12 year old child is NOT a woman and SHOULD NOT bear a child even if their body may technically be able to get pregnant.\u00a0 Third of all, that wasn\u2019t why she was giving it to me then.\u00a0 I had been asking for one for months, my 13th<\/sup> birthday was coming up, and she\u2019d found a great deal and had purchased it to lie in wait for my 13th<\/sup> birthday.\u00a0 But when my first period happened it was traumatic (I was at my dad\u2019s house when it started and was too embarrassed to tell him what had happened and he wouldn\u2019t let me go back to my mom\u2019s house unless I gave him a good reason so I ended up stuck there for like, two days with no pads or supplies of any kind. \u00a0I kept stuffing toilet paper in my panties and praying I wouldn\u2019t leak through) and my mom thought the purity ring would cheer me up.<\/p>\n

On the whole, my purity ring was a fairly innocuous thing.\u00a0 Sure, I had way<\/em> too much pride in it, but as far as I can remember, it really truly was my idea.\u00a0 I wanted the ring, my mom bought it for me; I wore it every day on my left ring finger until I got engaged.\u00a0 Then I moved it over to my right ring finger until I got married.\u00a0 For the ceremony I put it back on my left ring finger so that my husband would have to take it off to put my wedding ring on, but I didn\u2019t make a big announcement out of it, it was a private moment.\u00a0 And by the time I got married, the ring was getting too tight, so I had to twist it halfway off my finger so he could remove it, a fact that in retrospect I like because it symbolizes that I was giving him my sexuality rather than him taking it, though at the time I wasn\u2019t nearly egalitarian enough to think that way.\u00a0 Okay, maybe I still retroactively insert symbolism.<\/p>\n

So the ring is in my jewelry box drawer, and I don\u2019t know what to do with it next.\u00a0 I don\u2019t regret having it or wearing it.\u00a0 I really was a virgin on my wedding day, and so was my husband, and I still value that.\u00a0 I\u2019m happy that I will (probably) have only one sex partner my entire life.\u00a0 But, I\u2019m self-aware enough to know that that was partially because if monogamy could be a sexual orientation, that\u2019s the direction I\u2019d be oriented in, and partially because I was only 18 when I got married, and that if I\u2019d waited until I was in my mid-twenties, it would\u2019ve been a lot harder to stay \u201cpure.\u201d\u00a0 Only, I don\u2019t really think of it as \u201cpurity\u201d any more.\u00a0 I wasn\u2019t any more or less pure than a girl that had had sex\u2026 I made the choices that were right for me<\/em>.<\/p>\n

My original plan for my purity ring was that I\u2019d give it to my oldest daughter when she turned 13, and then she\u2019d give it to her oldest daughter, and she\u2019d give it to her<\/em> oldest daughter\u2026 and it would become this priceless heirloom thing that would get passed down through the generations.\u00a0 At the time, though, I fretted because \u201cwhat if one of them sullied the ring I worked so hard to keep pure<\/em>?\u201d\u00a0 Now my thoughts range more towards, first of all, ICK<\/em>! And secondly, though this was the right choice for me<\/em> and I still think it is a good choice for others, I don\u2019t want to impose my choices on my daughters and granddaughters.\u00a0 I want to teach them that their sexuality is theirs to own until they meet someone they want to share it with.\u00a0 I want to tell them that even if they choose to share it, they can take it back entirely to themselves at any time.\u00a0 I want to tell them that I hope the person they want to share it with will be their husband, but if it\u2019s their boyfriend or even (I hope I\u2019ll be open minded enough for this one) their one night stand that\u2019s okay as long as it is their <\/em>decision and as long as they are safe<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I think I have a healthier attitude now, but I still don\u2019t really know what to do with my ring.\u00a0 I value it but I have no use for it.\u00a0 So it sits\u2014a reminder of a different time and a different me\u2014in my jewelry box, and for all I know that is where it will remain.<\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/p>\n

This post is part of the Purity Rings project, in which young adults who had purity rings as teens and have since come to question the rationale behind them share their stories.\u00a0For more purity ring stories, click\u00a0here<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Guest Post by Marian.<\/i> My mom gave me that ring on the occasion of my first period, which at the time made me feel all wonderful and symbolic. \u201cShe\u2019s giving me my purity ring at the time when purity starts to really matter\u2026 now that I am a woman and capable of bearing a child.\u201d I crowed in my head. First of all, ICK! … [But] on the whole, my purity ring was a fairly innocuous thing. Sure, I had way too much pride in it, but as far as I can remember, it really truly was my idea. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[254],"class_list":["post-13619","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-purity-ring"],"yoast_head":"\nPurity Rings: Marian's Story<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A Guest Post by Marian. 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My mom gave me that ring on the occasion of my first period, which at the time made me feel all wonderful and symbolic. \u201cShe\u2019s giving me my purity ring at the time when purity starts to really matter\u2026 now that I am a woman and capable of bearing a child.\u201d I crowed in my head. First of all, ICK! ... on the whole, my purity ring was a fairly innocuous thing. 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