{"id":14037,"date":"2013-03-28T05:54:01","date_gmt":"2013-03-28T09:54:01","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=14037"},"modified":"2013-03-31T22:41:36","modified_gmt":"2013-04-01T02:41:36","slug":"the-three-weavers-part-iii-the-fathers-advice","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/03\/the-three-weavers-part-iii-the-fathers-advice.html","title":{"rendered":"The Three Weavers, Part III: The Fathers&#8217; Advice"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><blockquote><p>So with her father\u2019s blessing light upon her, she rode away beside the prince; and ever after, all her life was crowned with happiness as it had been written for her in the stars.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p><a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/03\/the-three-weavers-part-i-introducing-a-morality-tale.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">In part I of this series I gave some background<\/a> to Annie Fellows Johnston\u2019s 1904 short story\u00a0<em>The Three Weavers.<\/em>\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/03\/the-three-weavers-part-ii-how-the-story-begins.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">In part II, I posted the first part of the story<\/a>, in which three weavers\u2014Herthold, Hubert, and Hildgardmar\u2014who live side-by-side and have similar fortunes, had three infant daughters\u2014Hertha, Huberta, and Hildegard. At each girl\u2019s christening, a fairy appeared and declared that the girl would marry a prince\u2014if she could weave him a royal mantle. The three fathers rejoiced over the news before deciding to take three very different courses of action in introducing the magic looms and weaving\u2014here an analogy for love and sex\u2014to their daughters.<\/p>\n<p>And now, the three girls are starting to grow. In this section the girls learn about their looms and are given some initial advice by their fathers.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>One day Huberta said to the others, \u2018Come with me and I will show you a beautiful toy that Clotho left me at my christening. My father says she gave one to each of us, and that it is written in the stars that we are each to wed a prince if we can weave for him an ample cloak of cloth of gold. Already I have begun to weave mine.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>All silently, for fear of watchful eyes and forbidding voices, they stole into an inner room, and she showed them the loom of gold. But now no longer was it the tiny toy that had been left beside her cradle. It had grown with her growth. For every inch that had been added to her stature an inch had been added to the loom\u2019s. The warp was Clotho\u2019s gift, all thread of gold, and it, too, grew with the maiden\u2019s growth; but the thread the shuttle carried was of her own spinning\u2014rainbow hued and rose-coloured, from the airy dream-fleece of her own sweet fancies.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018See,\u2019 she whispered, \u2018I have begun the mantle for my prince\u2019s wearing.\u2019 Seizing the shuttle as she had seen her father do so many times, she crossed the golden warp with the woof-thread of a rosy day-dream. Hertha and Hildegarde looked on in silent envy, not so much for the loom as for the mirror which hung beside it, wherein, as in the Lady of Shalott\u2019s, moved the shadows of the world. The same pictures that flitted across hers, flitted across Huberta\u2019s.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018See!\u2019 she cried again, pointing to the mirror, \u2018That curly shepherd lad! Does he not look like a prince as he strides by with his head high, and his blue eyes smiling upon all the world? He carries his crook like a royal sceptre, forsooth. Well you may believe I am always at my mirror both at sunrise and sunset to see him pass gaily by.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Yon long-haired page in crimson clad is more to my liking,\u2019 said Hertha, timidly. \u2018Methinks he has a noble mien, as of one brought up in palaces.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>Let me interject here with a bit of background about the mirror, as it wasn\u2019t mentioned in section one. It is here described as being the same as the mirror owned by the Lady of Shalott. The Lady of Shalott was under a curse so that she had to spend her life in a tower weaving the images she saw in her mirror, and the mirror showed the people passing along the road to Camelot. <a href=\"http:\/\/www.lib.rochester.edu\/camelot\/shalott.htm\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">Here is the description<\/a>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<address>And moving thro\u2019 a mirror clear<\/address>\n<address>That hangs before her all the year,<\/address>\n<address>Shadows of the world appear.<\/address>\n<address>There she sees the highway near<\/address>\n<address style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Winding down to Camelot:<\/address>\n<address>There the river eddy whirls,<\/address>\n<address>And there the surly village-churls,<\/address>\n<address>And the red cloaks of market girls,<\/address>\n<address style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Pass onward from Shalott.<\/address>\n<address>\u00a0<\/address>\n<address>Sometimes a troop of damsels glad,<\/address>\n<address>An abbot on an ambling pad,<\/address>\n<address>Sometimes a curly shepherd-lad,<\/address>\n<address>Or long-hair\u2019d page in crimson clad,<\/address>\n<address style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">Goes by to tower\u2019d Camelot;<\/address>\n<address>And sometimes thro\u2019 the mirror blue<\/address>\n<address>The knights come riding two and two:<\/address>\n<address>She hath no loyal knight and true,<\/address>\n<address style=\"padding-left: 30px;\">The Lady of Shalott.<\/address>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p>So the mirror basically shows the girls what is passing on the road outside, and they can look in the mirror as the weave. While it wasn\u2019t mentioned before, it appears that the good fairy Clotho gave each girl a mirror of this sort, though for what purpose I have no idea.<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>\u2018I wonder why my father has never said aught to me of Clotho\u2019s gift,\u2019 Hertha added timidly. \u2018I, too, should be at my weaving, for I am as old as thou, Huberta.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>\u2018And I also,\u2019 added Hildegarde.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Ask him,\u2019 quoth Huberta. \u2018Mayhap he hath forgot.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>So when Hertha reached home, she went to her father Herthold, and said, timidly, with downcast eyes and blushes, \u2018Father\u2014where is my loom, like Huberta\u2019s? I, too, would be weaving as it is written in the stars.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>But Herthold glowered upon her grimly. \u2018Who told thee of aught that is written in the stars?\u2019 he demanded, so sternly that her heart quaked within her. \u2018Hear me! Never again must thou listen to such idle tales. When thou art a woman grown, thou mayst come to me, and I may talk to thee then of webs and weaving, but what hast thou to do with such things now? Thou! a silly child! Bah! I am ashamed that ever a daughter of mine should think such foolishness!\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Hertha, shamed and abashed, stole away to weep, that she had incurred her father\u2019s scorn. But next day, when they played in the garden, Huberta said, \u2018Thy father is an old tyrant to forbid thee the use of Clotho\u2019s gift. He cannot love thee as mine does me, or he would not deny thee such a pleasure. Come! I will help thee to find it.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>So hand in hand they stole into an inner room by a door that Herthold thought securely bolted, and there stood a loom like Huberta\u2019s, and over it a mirror in which the same shadows of the world were\u00a0repeated in passing. And as Hertha picked up the shuttle to send the thread of a rosy day-dream through the warp of gold, the long-haired page in crimson clad passed down the street outside, and she saw his image in the mirror.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018How like a prince he bears himself!\u2019 she murmured. \u2018My father is indeed a tyrant to deny me the pleasure of looking out upon the world and weaving sweet fancies about it. Henceforth I shall not obey him, but shall daily steal away in here, to weave in secret what he will not allow me to do openly.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>At the same time, Hildegarde stood before her father, saying, timidly, \u2018Is it true, my father, what Huberta says is written in the stars? To-day when I saw Huberta\u2019s loom I pushed back the bolt which has always barred the door leading into an inner room from mine, and there I found the loom of gold and a wonderful mirror. I fain would use them as Huberta does, but I have come to ask thee first, if all be well.\u2019<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<blockquote><p>A very tender smile lighted the face of old Hildgardmar. Taking the hand of the little Hildegarde in his, he led the way into the inner room. \u2018I have often looked forward to this day, my little one,\u2019 he exclaimed, \u2018although I did not think\u00a0thou wouldst come quite so soon with thy questions. It is indeed true, what Huberta hast told thee is written in the stars. On the right weaving of this web depends the happiness of all thy future, and not only thine but of those who may come after thee.<\/p>\n<p>\u201dTis a dangerous gift the good Clotho left thee, for looking in that mirror thou wilt be tempted to weave thy web to fit the shifting figures that flit therein. But listen to thy father who hath never yet deceived thee, and who has only thy good at heart. Keep always by thy side this sterling yardstick which I give thee, for it marks the inches and the ells to which the stature of a prince must measure. Not until the web doth fully equal it can it be safely taken from the loom.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018Thou art so young, \u2019tis but a little mantle thou couldst weave this year, at best. Fit but to clothe the shoulders of yon curly shepherd lad.\u2019 He pointed to the bright reflection passing in the mirror. \u2018But \u2019tis a magic loom that lengthens with thy growth, and each year shall the web grow longer, until at last, a woman grown, thou canst hold it up against the yardstick, and find that it doth measure to the last inch and ell the size demanded by a prince\u2019s noble stature.<\/p>\n<p>\u2018But thou wilt oft be dazzled by the mirror\u2019s sights, and youths will come to thee, one by one, each begging, \u201cGive\u00a0me\u00a0the royal mantle, Hildegarde.\u00a0I\u00a0am the prince the stars have destined for thee.\u201d And with honeyed words he\u2019ll show thee how the mantle in the loom is just the length to fit\u00a0his\u00a0shoulders. But let him not persuade thee to cut it loose and give it him, as thy young fingers will be fain to do. Weave on another year, and yet another, till thou, a woman grown, canst measure out a perfect web, more ample than these stripling youths could carry, but which will fit thy prince in faultlessness, as falcon\u2019s feathers fit the falcon.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>Hildegarde, awed by his solemn words of warning, took the silver yardstick and hung it by the mirror, and standing before old Hildgardmar with bowed head, said, \u2018You may trust me, father; I will not cut the golden warp from out the loom until I, a woman grown, have woven such a web as thou thyself shalt say is worthy of a prince\u2019s wearing.\u2019<\/p>\n<p>So Hildgardmar left her with his blessing, and went back to his work.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>I haven\u2019t read this story in ages, and rereading it I find that the course of action I plan to take with my own daughter\u2014and with my son as well\u2014actually most closely resembles that of Hildgardmar. I won\u2019t shame them for early\u00a0blossomings\u00a0of romance or sexual desire\u2014like Herthold\u2014but I also won\u2019t just laugh and tell them to do as they like\u2014like Hubert. Instead, I\u2019ll talk with each of them about these issues in a serious and respectful way, recognizing that they are no longer babies, but also that they still have much to learn in a complicated world. In other words, Hildgardmar does much right\u2014even own to calling his daughter\u2019s loom and weaving \u201ca dangerous gift,\u201d combining both that it is a good thing (not yucky or gross) but also something that should be\u00a0approached\u00a0seriously and carefully.<\/p>\n<p>Now let\u2019s get into some criticism.<\/p>\n<p>Let me set it up like this: If we each knew that a prince would come for us someday, and let\u2019s grant for the sake of this line of reasoning that we also knew that we would love this prince and live blissfully with him (or her), and let\u2019s also imagine that we have a magical silver yardstick that will identify the prince when he comes, then we could take one of two courses of action. We could simply wait for that person, remaining single in the meantime, or we could still date other people, knowing that any relationship formed would be only for a time, but enjoying ourselves in the meantime and forming better relationship skills (and, I would normally say, learning what qualities we want in a long-term partner, but in this case that role of dating around doesn\u2019t really apply). I honestly think either course of action is valid.<\/p>\n<p>But there are two problems with this analysis. First, we\u2019re informed later that each girl is only given a limited supply of magical thread for doing her weaving. In other words, if you form romantic relationships with any of the young men in your life, you\u2019re going to be out of thread before your prince comes. In this story, love is finite (Gee, where have I heard <em>that<\/em> before?) Let me just say it straight out: The idea that love is finite makes utterly no sense at all. Anyway, second, the princes will not deign to marry any girl who has not woven a mantle fit for a prince\u2014i.e., any girl who has not kept herself physically and emotionally \u201cpure.\u201d And so, once again, I\u2019m going to say it straight out: The princes in this story are jerks.<\/p>\n<p>And now let\u2019s talk about the silver yardstick for a moment. Hildegarde\u2019s father gives her a silver yardstick and tells her to make her web by that measurement, and that only a prince will fit the resulting mantle. I am reminded of all of the lists and lists I made as a teen\u2014lists of all the qualities I was looking for in a husband. If someone fit all of those qualifications, I figured, that is the person I would marry. But notice who it is who created the yardstick\u2014not Hildegarde, but <em>her father<\/em>. When my children grow, the advice I give them will run along the lines of \u201crespect yourself, be careful, make prudent choices.\u201d This is a far cry from handing my children a list an saying \u201canyone who doesn\u2019t fit this list isn\u2019t your prince (or princess), so wait until you find someone who fits this list.\u201d And besides, the simple reality is that there is no such think as a fail-safe test that will\u00a0guarantee\u00a0that person X is your match and perfect spouse. This story acts as though there is.<\/p>\n<p>But I think you can see why this story so appealed to me as a child growing up with the purity teachings embedded in modern evangelicalism. This story, written a century ago, encapsulated everything I was taught about emotional attachments and sexual purity, and did so in a way that actually appeared pretty healthy compared to much of what I was surrounded by\u2014after all, Hildegarde\u2019s father was approachable for questions and conversations on this issue and treated her like a person capable of understanding and being trusted rather than like a silly child.<\/p>\n<p>For more, continue to\u00a0<a href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/03\/the-three-weavers-part-iv-the-girls-weave-on.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\">Part IV<\/a>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>This story, written a century ago, encapsulated everything I was taught about emotional attachments and sexual purity, and did so in a way that actually appeared pretty healthy compared to much of what I was surrounded by&#8212;after all, Hildegarde&#8217;s father was approachable for questions and conversations on this issue and treated her like a person capable of understanding and being trusted rather than like a silly child.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[105,133,327],"class_list":["post-14037","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-sex-2","tag-sex-education","tag-the-three-weavers"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>The Three Weavers, Part III: The Fathers&#039; 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