{"id":14358,"date":"2013-04-05T10:55:04","date_gmt":"2013-04-05T14:55:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=14358"},"modified":"2013-09-10T10:27:17","modified_gmt":"2013-09-10T14:27:17","slug":"ticking-time-bombs-of-atomic-hormones","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/04\/ticking-time-bombs-of-atomic-hormones.html","title":{"rendered":"Ticking Time Bombs of Atomic Hormones"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

I\u2019ve written a lot about my experiences being raised in what I call \u201cthe purity culture\u201d\u2014evangelicalism\u2019s obsession with the virginity and sexual ignorance of its young, an obsession that manifests itself in purity rings, purity balls, modesty teachings, and the rejection of dating. Some readers have asked what it\u2019s like for males growing up in the purity culture, and I\u2019ve had to say that while I could guess, I honestly didn\u2019t know. Most of those speaking out against the purity culture have been female. Today that changes.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>A Guest Post by Abel<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Growing up in my homeschool world, I heard constantly from everyone around me talk about the importance of modesty and purity. Women were supposed to dress up like Victorian-aged puritans because men are so susceptible to lust and we just can\u2019t control ourselves. I never understood this. But I accepted it because everyone else around me seemed to and I never felt I had the right to question it. If I tried to question it, wouldn\u2019t that just be the sexual freak inside me trying to fight God?<\/p>\n

Oh. Yeah. I kinda got ahead of myself.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a sexual freak inside of me. Or, well, there\u2019s a sexual freak inside of every male.\u00a0According to my culture, all males are sexual freaks waiting to happen.<\/strong><\/p>\n

We\u2019re like ticking time bombs of atomic hormones.<\/p>\n

You don\u2019t want to let those time bombs out until marriage. And it\u2019s really easy to let them out. That\u2019s why women should all dress so carefully. If a man happens to see a woman readjusting her bra strap, all hell could break loose and men could turn into savage beasts. There is a rapist inside of all men, including me.<\/p>\n

I never thought there was a rapist inside of me. I never felt a desire to force myself onto a woman when I accidentally saw a bra strap peaking out of a woman\u2019s denim jumper. But I still felt sick to my stomach when I caught myself looking one second too long at that bra strap. I felt that indicated my inherent dirtiness. I felt nothing but pure disgust for my body. I felt God staring at me from that bra strap, as if he was about to turn me into a pillar of salt, just like he turned Lot\u2019s wife into salt for looking back at Sodom.<\/p>\n

I\u2019d stay awake at night, begging God to forgive me.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m surprised there\u2019s not a whole generation of homeschooled males that have fetishes about bra straps.<\/p>\n

But really, what I took to heart from all this talk about how obsessed men were with sex was not just that there was a rapist inside of me. It was that apparently I had a broken rapist inside of me. Because, honestly, I never felt so overwhelmed by semi-exposed skin that I couldn\u2019t control myself.\u00a0I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me.<\/strong>\u00a0Men were supposed to \u201cstumble\u201d when they saw a midriff, or a shoulder, or too much leg. But I never \u201cstumbled\u201d like that \u2014 meaning, I never saw a midriff and went home and masturbated about it.<\/p>\n

So I decided when I was sixteen that I must be gay.<\/p>\n

In retrospect, that only made me feel worse.<\/p>\n

Because men never made me \u201cstumble,\u201d either.<\/p>\n

Because I\u2019m not gay.<\/p>\n

I was actually straight. And as far as straight people go, I was actually normal, too.\u00a0Apparently normal people \u2014 straight or gay or whatever you are \u2014 don\u2019t obsess about sex as much as homeschooling parents do.<\/strong><\/p>\n

I was conditioned by all these myths that pervade homeschooling that males are so overwhelmed by sex that they can\u2019t exercise any semblance of self-control. But you know what? We can. And we\u2019re not only hurting women by saying that women are responsible for mens\u2019 thoughts. We\u2019re also hurting men by making us all out to be monsters with uncontrollable sexual urges.<\/p>\n

Rape is a horrible thing that should be opposed by everyone. Normal human sexuality is completely different. And I am sad that I grew up in a world that saw no problems with blurring the lines between the two.<\/p>\n

It took me years to figure that out. What I used to think was me being gay eventually became me wondering if I just had a really low libido. But then I went to the doctor and found out, no, my libido is fine, too.<\/p>\n

Apparently my problem was that I\u2019m not a stereotype manufactured out of thin air by the\u00a0I Kissed Dating Goodbye<\/em>\u00a0courtship cult.<\/strong><\/p>\n

But after everything I\u2019ve gone through, that\u2019s a problem I am ok living with.<\/p>\n

\u2014\u2014\u2014<\/em><\/p>\n

Originally posted on Homeschoolers Anonymous<\/a>. Posted here with permission.<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A Guest Post by Abel<\/i>. But really, what I took to heart from all this talk about how obsessed men were with sex was not just that there was a rapist inside of me. It was that apparently I had a broken rapist inside of me. Because, honestly, I never felt so overwhelmed by semi-exposed skin that I couldn\u2019t control myself. I spent years thinking there was something wrong with me.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[135,131,105],"class_list":["post-14358","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-gender","tag-modesty","tag-sex-2"],"yoast_head":"\nTicking Time Bombs of Atomic Hormones<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A Guest Post by Abel. 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