Near the end of my pastoral tenure a shift happened I had never experienced in 20 years of ministry. After a sermon in which I addressed men and lust a woman approached me and asked, \u201cWhen are you going to start challenging women in this area? Don\u2019t you think we struggle with lust, too?\u201d<\/p>\n
I was very much taken about because, frankly, I had never considered it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
He had never considered it.He had never considered it.\u00a0Twenty years of ministry, twenty years of preaching modest, and he\u2019d never thought about the fact that women are also sexual beings. This alone is illustrative of a huge blind spot in the circles that preach modest, if you ask me.<\/p>\n
Not long after that I had occasion to sit with our middle and high\u00a0school\u00a0students to discuss summer activities. When talking over the annual \u201cone-piece suits or two-piece with a dark t-shirt over it\u201d rules, one high-school girl said, \u201cWhy don\u2019t the boys have to wear shirts? Don\u2019t you think girls have problems looking?\u201d A spirited discussion ensued in which the girls eventually backed down from their assertion that boys should wear shirts when swimming.<\/p>\n
After one lake outing I did hear a faithful girl say, \u201cWow! ________ looks\u00a0fiiiiine<\/em>\u00a0with those 6-pack abs!\u201d It was clear she was not talking about one of her female friends\u2026they were all wearing one-piece suits. No abs on display.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nWow. The girls told the leadership that they think the guys should have to cover up too, and they got pushback<\/em>. And they backed down<\/em>\u2014but in the end, they<\/em> were the ones who were right.<\/p>\nWithout speculating as to the cause or timing of this shift, let just sum it up this way: there are, even within the body of Christ, teenaged and adult females who struggle with lust. Their eyes betray their hearts in the same way most teen and adult males have experienced since puberty.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
You want to know what \u201cwithout speculating as to the cause or timing of this shift\u201d means? It means that this Christian pastor and modesty preacher thinks that women didn\u2019t used to think sexual thoughts about attractive guys, and that the fact that he\u2019s now aware that they do means there has to have been some change<\/em>. Um. Right. No.<\/p>\nI think the question is, \u201cAre women the only ones who need to be modest or are men also accountable?\u201d I think there is no question we are accountable. Male followers of Christ should take modesty as seriously as we want, hope and pray that our sisters in Christ would.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
While most of those teaching modesty do continue to uphold a double standard based on the idea that guys are more sexual and\/or more visually oriented than girls, not all do. I grew up on these modesty teachings, and at some point my parents began requiring my brothers to wear shirts, both when swimming and when just hanging out. One of my brothers didn\u2019t like shirts when he was a teenager, and wanted to go without around the house, but my parents put their foot down and that ended that. (\u201cThink of your sisters,\u201d they said.) Another thing about rejecting double standards\u2014in my family, it wasn\u2019t just the girls who got purity rings when they turned 13, it was the boys too.<\/p>\n
Still, I think the shock with which the author of the article quoted from above admitted that yes, girls are sexual beings who have sexual thoughts too, is very, very telling. There\u2019s too often a tendency in the purity culture to view girls as natural sexual innocents and boys as natural sexual deviants. For example, much of what girls are told deals with how to resist male advances, rather than with how to resist their own sexual impulses. There\u2019s another angle too\u2014I often heard that boys are visual<\/em> while girls are emotional<\/em>. There\u2019s this idea that women are turned on by reading romance novels but not by the sight of really nice pecks. This is wrong. In my experience, if women aren\u2019t equally as visual as men we\u2019re pretty darn close.<\/p>\nIt is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change\u2014not because of a shift in women\u2019s sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups\u2019 understandings of sex and gender relations.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change—not because of a shift in women’s sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups’ understandings of sex and gender relations.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[131],"class_list":["post-15698","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-modesty"],"yoast_head":"\n
Manly Modesty?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Manly Modesty?\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-06-12T09:23:13+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-06-12T03:33:34+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html\",\"name\":\"Manly Modesty?\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-06-12T09:23:13+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-06-12T03:33:34+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Manly Modesty?\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the \\\"purity culture,\\\" the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/author\/libby\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Manly Modesty?","description":"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Manly Modesty?","og_description":"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html","og_site_name":"Love, Joy, Feminism","article_published_time":"2013-06-12T09:23:13+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-06-12T03:33:34+00:00","author":"Libby Anne","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Libby Anne","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html","name":"Manly Modesty?","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website"},"datePublished":"2013-06-12T09:23:13+00:00","dateModified":"2013-06-12T03:33:34+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2"},"description":"It is possible that this modesty double standard may be starting to change---not because of a shift in women's sexual proclivities, however they may bill it, but because of an increasing understanding that women, too have sexual urges and desires and are, yes, visual creatures. This makes me wonder whether an eroding of the modesty double standard might at all affect the strong patriarchal nature of these groups' understandings of sex and gender relations.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/06\/manly-modesty.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Manly Modesty?"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/","name":"Love, Joy, Feminism","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2","name":"Libby Anne","description":"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the \"purity culture,\" the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.","sameAs":["http:\/\/patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/author\/libby"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15698","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/845"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=15698"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/15698\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=15698"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=15698"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=15698"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}