{"id":17069,"date":"2013-09-01T05:49:53","date_gmt":"2013-09-01T09:49:53","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=17069"},"modified":"2013-08-31T16:03:23","modified_gmt":"2013-08-31T20:03:23","slug":"then-why-didnt-you-tell-us-that-mom","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/09\/then-why-didnt-you-tell-us-that-mom.html","title":{"rendered":"Then Why Didn&#8217;t You Tell Us That, Mom?"},"content":{"rendered":"<!DOCTYPE html PUBLIC \"-\/\/W3C\/\/DTD HTML 4.0 Transitional\/\/EN\" \"http:\/\/www.w3.org\/TR\/REC-html40\/loose.dtd\">\n<html><head><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><meta http-equiv=\"content-type\" content=\"text\/html; charset=utf-8\"><\/head><body><p><a href=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2013\/08\/above-rubies.jpg\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" class=\"alignleft size-full wp-image-17072\" title=\"above rubies\" src=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2013\/08\/above-rubies.jpg\" alt=\"\" width=\"300\" height=\"407\"><\/a>\u201cI want you to know that I never actually believed everything in those Above Rubies magazines,\u201d my mom told me when I was visiting home a while back.<\/p>\n<p>\u201cThen why didn\u2019t you tell us that, mom?\u201d I asked. \u201cI read every issue of that magazine cover to cover, and I always thought it was completely approved material.\u201d<\/p>\n<p>I don\u2019t know why my mother made that admission to me when she did. It was before <a href=\"http:\/\/www.motherjones.com\/politics\/2013\/04\/christian-evangelical-adoption-liberia\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">the Mother Jones article about Kathryn Joyce\u2019s new book on evangelical adoption<\/a>, which sheds light on the Above Rubies\/Liberian adoption scandal. My mother knows I identify as a feminist and that I\u2019m critical of at least some aspects of the culture of the Christian homeschool movement, but that\u2019s about it. Beyond that, we have a strict Don\u2019t Ask Don\u2019t Tell policy. Except, I suppose, for the Pearls child training methods\u2014that we\u2019ve discussed on more than one occasion. But the Pearls don\u2019t run <a href=\"http:\/\/aboverubies.org\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Above Rubies magazine<\/a>. Nancy Campbell does.<\/p>\n<p>Regardless of what prompted my mother\u2019s admission, I think there is something incredibly important to be learned here. Kate and I were talking a few months ago, and she told me she doesn\u2019t think her parents realized quite how many extreme patriarchal\/purity ideas she picked up and took to heart through Christian homeschooling culture. Her parents, she said, were always quick to condemn reading material, organizations, and leaders they believed promoted ungodly ideas or false doctrine. Because of this, she always assumed that materials that entered the house under the banner of Christianity and without condemnation were things they approved and endorsed.<\/p>\n<p>My experience was very much the same.<\/p>\n<p>My mother subscribed to Above Rubies and read each issue thoroughly. The ideas contained within the magazine aligned at least generally with beliefs I heard my mother espouse. When my parents disagreed with a religious leader, they were quick to say so. In fact,\u00a0I grew up hearing James Dobson described as too wishy-washy and soft.\u00a0Yet, I never heard my mother call Nancy Campbell or her magazine into question, so I assumed that the messages contained therein were approved, and that it was something I should read, take to heart, and learn from. And read, take to heart, and learn I did.<\/p>\n<p>I\u2019ve talked to many homeschool graduates\u2014some I knew growing up, some I\u2019ve met in person since, and others I\u2019ve connected with over the internet or through facebook. This thing I\u2019m talking about? This thing is important. Once homeschool parents enter the Christian homeschool subculture, if they don\u2019t vocally and openly condemn, question, or contradict what that subculture teaches, their children will assume that the ideas and ideals of that subculture are approved\u2014something the should listen to, take seriously, and imbibe. I\u2019ve talked to more than my fair share of homeschool graduates who grew up in this culture and took to heart things they later found out their parents never even realized they were learning.<\/p>\n<p>Christian parents who choose to homeschool their children but do not ascribe to the ideals of the Christian homeschool subculture, especially things like Christian Patriarchy or Quiverfull, need to be on guard against this. It\u2019s not uncommon for homeschool parents who happen to be Christian to find themselves in the same homeschool circles with Christian parents who homeschool out of religious conviction. And it\u2019s also not uncommon for their children to find themselves in those circles whether their parents actively frequent them or not. In this kind of situation, parents may not realize the toxic ideologies their children taking in through osmosis from the Christian homeschooling culture around them.<\/p>\n<p>In my mother\u2019s case, it\u2019s not that she disagreed entirely with the Above Rubies magazine. My mother was more mainstream than many, but she definitely ascribed to the outer circles of Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull ideology. To be honest, I don\u2019t actually know what parts of what Above Rubies she takes issue with\u2014I was too surprised by her admission to think to ask. There is one thing I was not too shocked to make sure to tell her, though:<\/p>\n<p>\u201cYou need to tell the girls, mom,\u201d I said. \u201cThey read Above Rubies just as I did at their age. You need to tell them you don\u2019t agree with all of it, because if you don\u2019t, they\u2019ll think you do.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Once homeschool parents enter the Christian homeschool subculture, if they don&#8217;t vocally and openly condemn, question, or contradict what that subculture teaches, their children will assume that the ideas and ideals of that subculture are approved&#8212;something the should listen to, take seriously, and imbibe. I&#8217;ve talked to more than my fair share of homeschool graduates who grew up in this culture and took to heart things they later found out their parents never even realized they were learning.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48,25,57,1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-17069","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-homeschool","category-christian-patriarchy","category-quiverfull","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v21.1 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/wordpress\/plugins\/seo\/ -->\n<title>Then Why Didn&#039;t You Tell Us That, Mom?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Once homeschool parents enter the Christian homeschool subculture, if they don&#039;t vocally and openly condemn, question, or contradict what that subculture teaches, their children will assume that the ideas and ideals of that subculture are approved---something the should listen to, take seriously, and imbibe. 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