Today we\u2019re talking more about those \u201cfemale creatures\u201d. In an, I\u2019m sure, flattering and equalizing light. Oh wait. Wrong book. Nope; it\u2019s more of the sexism we\u2019ve come to know from Michael. Here goes!<\/p>\n
Drama, Drama, Drama<\/strong><\/p>\nAs a rule, women\u00a0occasionally\u00a0like to be stirred up. Visionaries and command men supply all the tension women can stand, but the Steady man provides only dull stability. If you are the steady and cautious type, and\u00a0your\u00a0wife has a little more of the impatient romantic in her, which most women do, then she may not see your value as clearly as do others. She may chafe at your\u00a0cautiousness\u00a0in taking authority.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
As a rule, I think more women want to be heard, than just sitting around, hoping for an argument. Since when is stability dull? I remember, when I was a child in a dysfunctional home, literally ALL I wanted was stability. I can\u2019t imagine why being stable is being insinuated as a bad thing.
\nAnd again, not all women are impatient romantics; though he does say \u201cmost women\u201d, so I guess that\u2019s an improvement over his blanket \u201cWomenz are teh craz0rz during their time o\u2019 the monthz.\u201d<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s a thought. If you don\u2019t think your spouse (partner, boss, co-worker\u2026)doesn\u2019t see your value, talk to them. You might have to phrase things differently, but tell them how you feel, and why you think what you\u2019ve done -and give examples-deserves respect. If they don\u2019t agree, then you might have a problem.<\/p>\n
Women like to fill a vacuum, and they will fill it in a hurry. But hurry is not in the tool kit of a Steady Man. When you appear to drag your feet at making decisions, it will agitate her. A dominant woman sees her husband\u2019s lack of hasty judgement and calls her Steady husband \u201cwishy-washy\u201d.\u00a0His\u00a0steadiness\u00a0makes\u00a0him the last to change, the last to react; he is seldom out front forming up the troops. The Steady Man is just too practical to understand his wife\u2019s aggressive need for excitement and immediate action. That is the great impasse.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Is it just me, or did any one else snicker at the double-entende \u201cWomen like to fill a vacuum.\u201d? Heh heh heh. \u00a0I have to admit, I sort of agree with Michael. My husband is mostly Steady, and sometimes it bugs the heck out of me that he takes AGES to make a decision. (That\u2019s what makes me the better disciplinarian to our foster kids). \u00a0I get the feeling that Michael uses the phrase \u201cdominant woman\u201d like it\u2019s a bad word.<\/p>\n
I think it\u2019s a lie that the Steady Man can\u2019t understand his wife\u2019s need for excitement. It might just take time. When my husband and I just started dating, I was always \u201cLet\u2019s do this! Let\u2019s go here! Let\u2019s talk about our FEELINGS!\u201d \u00a0He had no clue what hit him. But eventually, as we talked more to each other, and as time went on, I learned to slow down a bit, and he learned to speed up. There are very few impasses when there is good communication.<\/p>\n
Be assured, Mr. Steady, your wife will prod you to make up your mind and take a stand in church or business conflicts. She will whine that you seem to let people use you. Most of the time she will wish you would boldly tell her what to do so she would not have to carry all the burden of decision making. The pushing and pulling wears her out. These wives equate their husband\u2019s wise caution and lack of open passion as being unspiritual. Good Brother, you are in trouble, and it just doesn\u2019t come on the full moon.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
What\u2019s wrong about occasionally taking a stand? Sometimes sticking up for yourself, ideas, or family is actually a good thing. Perhaps it\u2019s wrong because the wife prods him to do it? \u00a0And those poor wives, having to shoulder the burden of decision-making all alone, because their husbands won\u2019t tell them what to do. \u00a0There are times when I\u2019m annoyed at my husband\u2019s lack of decision-making. So I talk to him, and tell him how I feel. I should be used to it by now, but I am continually irritated how Michael never councils communication or compromise.<\/p>\n
Not all wives equate their husband\u2019s wise caution (who decided it was was wise? just because it took long?) and lack of open passion with unspirituality. \u00a0I think there\u2019s a phrase for this, actually\u2026still waters run deep. While a man\u2019s stoicism will sometimes be aggravating, it does not always equal trouble.<\/p>\n
Oh, and thanks, Michael, for making another crazy-woman-period reference.<\/p>\n
To compound your problems, you may be married to the type of woman my wife calls a \u201cGo-to Gal\u201d. Other people have known to refer to them as bossy. Steady Men seem to be drawn to dominant women. I think in courtship Mr. Steady is not aggressive, so when some beautiful babe continually tries to get his attention, he is awed. Mr. Visionary would rebuke her, Mr. Command wouldn\u2019t even like her, for he is attracted to gentle, quiet girls that\u00a0posses\u00a0a natural desire to serve; whereas Mr. Steady enjoys her aggressive interest in him.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Stop the cows. Look! Not all women are the same! He doesn\u2019t actually say it, but he hints at it; which is a lot more than he\u2019s done the whole book. \u00a0And again, there is nothing inherently wrong with the woman being dominant. But maybe I\u2019m biased because I\u2019m bossy. Or a woman. Or something.<\/p>\n
I do think it\u2019s true, though, that mild people often find spicier partners. (Sorry for the analogy; I\u2019m blogging before breakfast) Perhaps that\u2019s why there\u2019s the phrase \u201copposites attract\u201d. \u00a0In fact, one of the things my husband says attracted him about me was \u201chow alive [I] was.\u201d<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t like the insinuation that every \u201cbossy\u201d woman is aggressively throwing themselves at men, apparently hoping to land a steady they can rule over. \u00a0And I really don\u2019t like the comparison Michael makes between the bossy, dominant woman, and Mr. Command\u2019s gentle serving girl. Please, Michael, show your biases; you\u2019re being far to subtle for us!<\/p>\n
But this is a book dealing with marriage, so what happens after you say \u201cI do\u201d? She is still the aggressor, and you are still the guy that finds in interesting just to watch her in action, but now that she has won her man she has no challenges, and is not as ready to settle down as are you. Trouble is brewing!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Are there that many men surprised that their wives personality mostly remains the same after the wedding? I know a few couples that have been shocked that the personality changed after they got the ring, but being blind-sighted by the same personality one enjoyed enough to propose sounds a bit\u2026silly. \u00a0And I\u2019ll say it again \u201cThere is nothing wrong with the woman being the aggressor!\u201d \u00a0Also, there is no correlation between a dominant wife and not wanting to settle down. I don\u2019t even know why he made that point, except as a possible scare tactic.<\/p>\n
In a tug-of-war between husband and wife, the Command Man commands his wife to\u00a0drop\u00a0her end of the rope and join him. The Visionary hooks his end of the rope to a tractor, and Mr. Steady just ties the rope to his butt and sits on it. Some women would much rather argue with a Command Man and pull against a tractor than to pull against a seemingly indifferent stationary object.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I honestly hope my husband doesn\u2019t consider our marriage a \u201ctug-of-war\u201d. Just because we have differing personalities doesn\u2019t mean that our entire relationship is a battle. And honestly, none of these rope scenarios sound happy for either party. Either the wife is being bullied, dragged, or ignored; and the husband is domineering, inconsiderate, or indifferent. Is this really the best way to paint pictures of marriage? I don\u2019t think so.<\/p>\n
In fact, I think coloring marriage and relationships as adversarial\u2014warlike even!\u2014is a great way to cause disharmony. It leads to the mentality that men and women are two different species that can\u2019t get along. Guess what? They can! It really happens. Despite differences in temperament, pasts, or lifestyles, people really can get along and have mutually fulfilling relationships-without the war.<\/p>\n
Because really, why be married if everything is a battle?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I honestly hope my husband doesn’t consider our marriage a “tug-of-war”. Just because we have differing personalities doesn’t mean that our entire relationship is a battle. And honestly, none of these rope scenarios sound happy for either party. Either the wife is being bullied, dragged, or ignored; and the husband is domineering, inconsiderate, or indifferent. Is this really the best way to paint pictures of marriage? I don’t think so.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[354],"class_list":["post-19337","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-created-to-need-a-help-meet"],"yoast_head":"\n
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![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2013\/12\/tug-of-war.jpg\" "\\"tug")
<\/a>Guest Post by Aletha<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n