{"id":19443,"date":"2013-12-12T07:11:02","date_gmt":"2013-12-12T11:11:02","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=19443"},"modified":"2013-12-12T07:11:56","modified_gmt":"2013-12-12T11:11:56","slug":"finding-my-cohort","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html","title":{"rendered":"Finding My Cohort"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Darcy recently wrote a blog post called Of Homeschooling and Cohort Effect<\/a>. I\u2019m going to quote from it at length, but I\u2019m going to start with some thoughts of my own, because Darcy got me thinking once again.<\/p>\n

I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans\u2014where you thought you were the only American, and when you hadn\u2019t seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.<\/p>\n

Natalie and I sat on the couch in her apartment and threw names back and forth. Vision Forum. Summit. AWANA. A Beka. Doug Wilson. Our husbands looked on askance at the swirl of wonder that was taking place. They didn\u2019t know the words we were throwing out. It was like these words were a secret language, a language native to us and us alone, but we knew. We understood. \u201cDid you wear skirts?\u201d \u201cDid you read I Kissed Dating Goodbye?\u201d On and on we went, swept up in a world all our own. What happened that day was magical, though at the time I didn\u2019t completely understand it. While I\u2019ve had this moment many times over now, I will always remember that first time.<\/p>\n

Darcy puts into words what happened that day\u2014and why.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I feel like I\u2019m from another country. Or maybe another era. I\u2019m a child of the 80\u2019s, yet I know nothing about being a child of the 80\u2019s. I can\u2019t relate to pop-culture references and feel awkward when people my age laugh about something I\u2019m supposed to know about but don\u2019t. I see funny posts entitled \u201cYou Know You Grew up in the 80\u2019s and 90\u2019s When\u2026.\u201d and I get maybe 2 references in the entire article. Sometimes it\u2019s funny and I laugh at myself. Sometimes it\u2019s frustrating. Sometimes I sit in a group of people and wish I knew what they were talking about, wish I had that camaraderie they all seem to have, wish I didn\u2019t feel like an oddball, like I will\u00a0always<\/em>\u00a0be an oddball. Sometimes I like being an oddball, when it\u2019s of my own choosing. Sometimes I wish I had a choice in the matter.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m studying all kinds of fascinating things as I\u2019m finishing the last half of my BA in liberal studies. The psychology and sociology-related classes are my favorite. I came across this word and concept a few weeks back:\u00a0Cohort<\/em><\/strong>. And suddenly, things started falling into place in my head; ideas with a lot of gaps and holes and flashes of pictures started forming and making sense, like pieces of a puzzle that were missing but aren\u2019t anymore.\u00a0Cohorts\u2026..cohort effects<\/em>\u2026\u2026and it hit me:<\/p>\n

Homeschoolers are basically their own cohort.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

No matter what part of the country we are from or how old we are, we experience a cohort effect that other people in our age group do not. Even though all people from our generation are technically in the same age cohort, homeschoolers are actually in their own cohort with their own sociocultural-graded influences that the rest of our culture did not experience. We often joke among us that we were our own sub-culture. But I think it\u2019s deeper than that.<\/p>\n

I was asked as an essay question for a class to write a couple paragraphs on how cohort effects have shaped my worldview on things like politics, gender, science, and religion. And I thought,\u00a0where do I even start?<\/em>\u00a0I\u2019m not just in the cohort that was born in middle class white America in the 80\u2019s. Matter of fact, I have very little relatability with anyone in my birth\/generational cohort because\u00a0I basically grew up in a completely different cohort.<\/em><\/p>\n

. . .<\/p>\n

Those of us who were part of the pioneer Christian homeschooling movement, no matter how extreme or not, no matter where on the spectrum of conservative to liberal we were, we relate to each other in ways we cannot relate to the rest of our age cohort.<\/em>\u00a0In reality,we experienced history differently<\/em>. We had our own culture and our own leaders and our own historical events that the rest of America knew nothing about, but that were very important to us. They defined us and we were proud of that. It\u2019s not the fact that we were all home educated that creates this dynamic.\u00a0It\u2019s the fact that we were all part of a home education movement that was not just counter-cultural, but *anti* cultural.<\/strong>We were raised in a movement with varying degrees of the same teachings and varying degrees of sheltering, for all the same reasons. We were, most of us, raised under the influence of the same leaders.<\/p>\n

Find me a religious homeschooler from the 80\u2019s and 90\u2019s that doesn\u2019t know who Josh Harris is. Or has never heard of courtship. Or HSLDA. If you don\u2019t, you are the exception and your parents were probably hippies that didn\u2019t want government interference in their families so they homeschooled you in a bus on a mountain somewhere (like my husband. Heh.) Think about these concepts for minute and the pictures and memories they conjure up: Ken Ham, Abeka, Rod and Staff, homeschool conventions, the Pearls, modesty, denim jumpers, fear of going outside before 2PM, Bill Gothard, courtship, parental rights, I Kissed Dating Goodbye, evils of rock music, submission, Saxon math, biblical manhood and womanhood, women\u2019s roles, keeper at home, \u201cwhat grade are you in?\u201d \u201cI have no idea\u201d, Creationism, ATI (either you were in, or you thought that at least you weren\u2019t as weird as the people that were), R.C. Sproul, Howard Phillips, quiverfull\/huge families\/ \u201care they all yours?!\u201d, Mike Farris, government brainwash centers (aka public schools), evils of dating, head coverings, fear of child-snatching CPS, evils of feminism, evils of sex ed, evils of Halloween, evils of pagan Christmas, evils of kissing before the alter, evils of peer pressure, homeschool co-ops, culottes, endless questions about how you get socialization and whether you do school in your PJs, skirts-only, Biblical Worldview, Republican conventions, government conspiracy theories, 15 passenger vans, no TV, Mary Pride, family bands with matching clothes, and King James vs. NIV. To name a few.<\/p>\n

Not included in that list are the major historical events that we *didn\u2019t* know about or experience the way that most people in our age cohort did. The killing of John Lennon, the Challenger disaster (which I didn\u2019t know about until I was an adult), the fall of the Berlin wall, the massacre of Tiananmen Square, the Rodney King trial, Princess Diana. Not to mention the lack of knowledge of entire segments of history such as the Civil Rights Movement or the Suffragette Movement. We knew nothing of pop culture: music, movies, art, except that they were \u201cworldly\u201d. These were deemed contemporary, products of a relativistic worldview, and thus worthless, while we studied the Reformation period or the Founding Fathers or the Civil War instead.<\/p>\n

We are the products of a pioneer movement; the good, bad, and ugly. A movement many of us have grown up and left behind, some of us floundering in the world we are trying to be a part of now but were never prepared for because we were told we were not supposed to be \u201cof this world\u201d. We have similar memories, both positive and negative. We look back on our own lives and we relate to one another, even if we\u2019ve never met in person. Thanks to the internet age, we who thought we were alone and weird and oddballs have found each other, found people that are as oddball in all the same ways as we are. We have found that we are not alone in a culture we don\u2019t understand but pretend to anyway. We may be in similar or vastly different places in life right now.\u00a0But no matter where we are in life, and what we believe now, we have a shared experience that no one else in our generation has.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

This can be a difficult concept to share with other people. Last night I was out with some new friends and they were exchanging stories of their first kiss and getting in trouble for sneaking out or smoking or drinking or playing hooky, and when it was my turn, I said \u201cWell, I got in trouble for wearing pants\u201d. The silence and stares were deafening. Had I said that in a group of ex-homeschoolers, there would\u2019ve been laughter and rolling eyes and sympathy. Because we *know*. We get it. We lived it. We can laugh about it together.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I have little to add but YES. This.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans—where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn’t seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[48],"tags":[379,188],"class_list":["post-19443","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-homeschool","tag-cohort","tag-cultural-disconnection"],"yoast_head":"\nFinding My Cohort<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding My Cohort\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-12-12T11:11:02+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-12-12T11:11:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"7 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html\",\"name\":\"Finding My Cohort\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2013-12-12T11:11:02+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-12-12T11:11:56+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Finding My Cohort\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the \\\"purity culture,\\\" the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/author\/libby\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Finding My Cohort","description":"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Finding My Cohort","og_description":"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html","og_site_name":"Love, Joy, Feminism","article_published_time":"2013-12-12T11:11:02+00:00","article_modified_time":"2013-12-12T11:11:56+00:00","author":"Libby Anne","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Libby Anne","Est. reading time":"7 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html","name":"Finding My Cohort","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website"},"datePublished":"2013-12-12T11:11:02+00:00","dateModified":"2013-12-12T11:11:56+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2"},"description":"I remember the first time I met someone else who was homeschooled but had similarly left that world, daring to think for herself and marry without approval. I met Natalie when I was newly married, and it was earth shattering. It was like meeting another American while abroad in an area infrequently traveled by Americans---where you thought you were the only American there, and when you hadn't seen another American for months or even years. My memory of the moment we realized that both of us spoke the same first language is so clear, and I think many of us have had this same experience.","breadcrumb":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html#breadcrumb"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html"]}]},{"@type":"BreadcrumbList","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2013\/12\/finding-my-cohort.html#breadcrumb","itemListElement":[{"@type":"ListItem","position":1,"name":"Home","item":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism"},{"@type":"ListItem","position":2,"name":"Finding My Cohort"}]},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/","name":"Love, Joy, Feminism","description":"","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":"required name=search_term_string"}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2","name":"Libby Anne","description":"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. College turned her world upside down, and she is today an atheist, a feminist, and a progressive. She blogs about leaving religion, her experience with the Christian Patriarchy and Quiverfull movements, the detrimental effects of the \"purity culture,\" the contradictions of conservative politics, and the importance of feminism.","sameAs":["http:\/\/patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism"],"url":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/author\/libby"}]}},"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19443","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/845"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=19443"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/19443\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=19443"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=19443"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=19443"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}