![\"\"](\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2014\/03\/Wedgits.jpg\" "\\"Wedgits\\"")
<\/a>This evening I was sitting with my laptop, working, when I vaguely noticed a commotion behind me. Sally was playing with WEDGiTS, and Bobby was butting in. He wasn\u2019t trying to be mean, he just wanted to play too, but the result was that he kept knocking over Sally\u2019s creations and she grew upset. She tried to elbow him out, to surround the toys with her body, but it didn\u2019t work. Bobby wouldn\u2019t be put off, and he couldn\u2019t play with the WEDGiTS with her without getting in her way. Finally, she ran off, angry and exasperated, and threw herself on her bed.<\/p>\nAll of this I picked up peripherally\u2014I was focused on the work I was doing on my laptop. But suddenly I realized Sally had gone off upset. I pulled my attention away from my laptop, a bit guiltily. I knew what had happened, I just hadn\u2019t given it my full attention or intervened. Bobby was now alone, playing with the WEDGiTS.<\/p>\n
And so I went and found Sally. She was laying on her bed, and had pulled the covers up around her. For several years now, Sally has coped with growing angry by \u201csleeping\u201d\u2014sometimes that means actually taking a nap, and other times it means just laying down, closing her eyes, and resting. This way of dealing\u2014of achieving a reset\u2014has headed off many a tantrum. \u201cSleeping helps me calm down,\u201d Sally has explained to me many a time.<\/p>\n
\u201cSally, I saw what happened,\u201d I told her. \u201cCome on, let\u2019s go find something else for your brother to play with, she that he doesn\u2019t mess up your tower.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cHow about his farm?\u201d Sally volunteered as she hopped out of bed.<\/p>\n
And so we got out Bobby\u2019s farm, with his toy cows and horses and barn, and set it up across the room from the WEDGiTS for him to play. Bobby immediately became engrossed in his farm, and Sally began to build with her WEDGiTS unimpeded. There was still one thing left to do.<\/p>\n
\u201cSally,\u201d I said as I sat down beside her, \u201cyou did a good job not hitting your brother when you got angry.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cOh, thanks!\u201d Sally replied with a smile.<\/p>\n
\u201cI\u2019m sorry I wasn\u2019t paying attention,\u201d I told her. \u201cNext time you can ask me for help, and I\u2019ll distract your brother so that you can build, okay?\u201d<\/p>\n
And that was that.<\/p>\n
One thing that has been interesting about parenting two children has been watching their relationship grow\u2014but also watching the ways they can try each other\u2019s patience. If Bobby hits Sally, I show him the correct way to touch his sister\u2014gently<\/em>\u2014and if Sally hits Bobby I have a productive with her about the proper way to interact with her brother (these conversations are generally very productive). But mostly this is unnecessary, because I also teach Sally to respect Bobby\u2019s space and not tickle or poke him when he\u2019s not interested, and protect Sally\u2019s space, ensuring that she can make projects or build creations without having to worry about having the results of her creativity destroyed at any moment.<\/p>\nSally understands that Bobby is younger than her, and that often when he gets in the way he\u2019s not doing it on purpose. \u201cHe doesn\u2019t know any better,\u201d she will say knowingly. I\u2019ve worked to foster empathy and understanding in her, so that she thinks about why others act as they do rather than imputing negative motives onto them. Of course, knowing that Bobby \u201cdoesn\u2019t know any better\u201d doesn\u2019t make it less annoying when he gets in her way. \u201cWe have to help him to learn to know better,\u201d she has insisted on more than one occasion.<\/p>\n
In the end, I\u2019ve found that parenting young children is about achieving a sort of balance\u2014teaching them that they can expect to have their possessions and their space protected, but also that they should be open to sharing as a part of being kind to others. If something belongs to specifically one or the other of them, I never force them to share. I may suggest it, I may encourage it, but I don\u2019t require it. If something is a communal possession, belong either to both of them or to the family as a whole, sharing is required. Sometimes this means having them both play with something together and other times it means having them take turns.<\/p>\n
If Sally and Bobby know that I can be trusted to be fair, both regarding how shared possessions are shared and regarding how personal possessions are protected, they are much more likely to share happily and without complaint. For Sally and Bobby, in other words, good sharing goes hand in hand with knowing that they will have fair treatment and that what\u2019s theirs is theirs.<\/p>\n
And now I have to go. Sally is pulling on my sleeve and reminding me that I promised to help her build a fort after supper. \ud83d\ude42<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
This evening I was sitting with my laptop, working, when I vaguely noticed a commotion behind me. Sally was playing with WEDGiTS, and Bobby was butting in. He wasn’t trying to be mean, he just wanted to play too, but the result was that he kept knocking over Sally’s creations and she grew upset. She tried to elbow him out, to surround the toys with her body, but it didn’t work. Finally, she ran off, angry and exasperated, and threw herself on her bed. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[108],"tags":[143],"class_list":["post-20622","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting","tag-positive-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
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