{"id":21464,"date":"2014-04-27T05:00:50","date_gmt":"2014-04-27T09:00:50","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=21464"},"modified":"2014-04-25T02:15:59","modified_gmt":"2014-04-25T06:15:59","slug":"ctnahm-women-cant-have-a-personal-relationship-with-god","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2014\/04\/ctnahm-women-cant-have-a-personal-relationship-with-god.html","title":{"rendered":"CTNAHM: Women Can’t Have a Personal Relationship with God"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>A Guest Post by Aletha<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Originally posted on Yllom Mormon<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

Created To Be His Help Meet, pp. 161\u2014162<\/strong><\/p>\n

Last\u00a0section\u00a0we were enlightened as to how stains form on wives. The answer is, of course, sexual sins. Apparently sexual stains can be picked up from everything-public school, music, sexual abuse, even close friendships. Today we are discussing the deep stains that make a wife unclean.<\/p>\n

Washing Away Deep Stains<\/strong><\/p>\n

I know many of you want to tell me that your wife is, in fact, a believing Christian but still has latent guilt and insecurity hanging around from her past. I understand that some people have a difficult time letting go of deep scars even after God has forgiven them. I know it is our nature to form opinions about ourselves from past experiences and to interpret our present in terms of \u00a0a dead past.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Perhaps part of the reason for latent guilt is the continual insistence that people are sinners. I know one of the issues I had before I left the church was guilt. I would walk into church feeling guilty about things that I did that week. I would leaven feeling EVEN MORE guilty because it seemed everything about church was telling me how much I lacked. Didn\u2019t read enough, didn\u2019t pray, didn\u2019t serve, didn\u2019t clean my house enough so I was a failure.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m guessing it\u2019s the same with sexual sins. If chastity and purity are preached every Sunday, people with those issues in their past will be reminded of those issues every week. It\u2019s hard to let go of something that is constantly being brought up. Like trying not to think of elephants while listening to the soundtrack to Dumbo.<\/p>\n

Though he does have a good point about how easy it is to judge our present selves by our past selves.
\nBut the solution is the same. To the degree that we believe in the forgiveness and cleansing of the Lord Jesus Christ, our consciences are purged from dead works. Unregenerate sinners and saved, soiled souls alike need the same washing. Keep coming to the living well and the spots will disappear from the conscience.<\/p>\n

So the solution to dwelling on past mistakes is to dwell on Jesus cleansing said past mistakes. One question I always struggled with was: how do I know when I\u2019m forgiven? Is it instantly? Do I have to suffer in sackcloth and ashes for awhile? Is it case dependent? State dependent? Is there leeway for mental or physical or spiritual impairment? How long does one have to keep coming to the well before spots disappear, Michael? What does that look or feel like? And, most importantly, can a wife decide for herself that she\u2019s clean, or is that up to her husband?<\/p>\n

Here, Sir, is where you come in as her sanctifier and cleanser. God cleanses with his words and so must you. Your spotted wife needs to hear words of forgiveness and assurance.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well. That answered that, didn\u2019t it? Clearly, the husband decides the wife is spotted, how spotted, how long she is spotted, and when she is clean. I guess there\u2019s no room for the woman\u2019s opinion or feelings. I guess her lady hormonez would get in the way of clean, manly logic.<\/p>\n

I am not saying you need to forgive her. I assume you have already done that. If not, stop reading right now and go apologize for any part you had in her guilt and for failing to make it clear that you treasure her greatly.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Finally! The man accepting some part of his wife\u2019s staining. It\u2019s telling that the wife has to be cleansed from the sexual sin that has held her in Guiltland by both God and her husband, but the man that sinned with her gets by on an apology to his wife. Are the standards higher for women? Are men less guilty because of their natures? Why such a difference?<\/p>\n

One other thing Michael didn\u2019t cover is the husband forgiving the wife that was \u201cstained\u2019 before she met her husband. Something I noticed in Mormon culture<\/a> is a woman with sexual experience is more likely to settle for someone lower than her standards, because the \u201cgood\u201d guys are rarely interested in someone with a past. Does that make sense? Men in conservative cultures are more likely to believe they DESERVE a virigin, and can be cruel if they find out someone they are interested in is less than pure. I\u2019m guessing PearlWorld culture is similar, considering all the emphasis on female modesty.<\/p>\n

But if the air is clear between the two of you and her conscience is spotted in a very personal way, you should become a channel of assurance that \u00a0she is forgiven by God and is indeed a worthy human being.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Can\u2019t women talk to God on their own? Oh wait\u2026.nope, that\u2019s what the husband is for. I have been clear that there are plenty of things I dislike about Mormonism, but at least they allow for EVERYONE to have their own relationship with God. A woman (or child, or teenager, or anyone) can pray to God for forgiveness, and have it be between themselves and Deity. But I guess the right way to do it is the woman talks to the man who talks to God, who gives an answer to the man, who tells it to the woman. Yay, efficiency! Then again, monitoring a woman\u2019s access to God is a great way to keep in control. Because if it\u2019s secondhand revelation, it\u2019s a lot harder for the hearer to discern between \u201cGod\u2019s will\u201d and \u201cHusband\u2019s will\u201d.<\/p>\n

Oh, and in case you\u2019re curious. It\u2019s possible to enter a marriage less than snow white and still be a worthy human being. It\u2019s rhetoric like that, Michael, that causes people to continually dwell on their past sins. Thank you for causing the problem you sort of try to fix.<\/p>\n

We tend to form opinions about ourselves from the depths of other people\u2019s eyes. Just one rejection about or criticism from you can set her back six months. You must maintain an\u00a0atmosphere\u00a0of acceptance through the words\u00a0you speak. your tongue can be a world of iniquity or a fountain of peace. The power to remove your wife\u2019s spots is in your hands and it is your responsibility to do so. She will need more than your grace and opinion; you must also instruct her in the word of God so she knows God forgives her as well.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

While it\u2019s true that other\u2019s opinions shape how we view ourselves, if one rejection or criticism from your spouse sets you back six months, there is a problem somewhere. Because that kind of response is neither normal or healthy.<\/p>\n

Does anyone else get the feeling that in Michael\u2019s eyes, women are children? \u201cTeach her the word of God and let her know God forgives her! It\u2019s your job to fix your wife!\u201d Because clearly women can\u2019t read or understand the scriptures themselves. I would be irritated, but I think I\u2019m becoming jaded towards the crap Michael slings. I almost feel like saying \u201cYeah, wives are less than human. Move on, nothing to see.\u201d<\/p>\n

Which is sad on a few levels.<\/p>\n

Don\u2019t feel cheated for having a spotted wife. It is your opportunity to glorify God by emulating his role as sanctifier and savior. It is your calling as a husband. God has entrusted you with this task. She is his child and he wants her cleansed even more than you do. He died to make it\u00a0possible\u00a0and expects you to live to make it\u00a0practical.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

\u201cHey, old boy. Don\u2019t feel bad about your trampy wife. God wants you to fix her by being like GOD. How freakin\u2019 awesome is that?\u201d This kind of thinking makes me scared, because the potential for abuse is overwhelming. First, viewing one\u2019s wife as spotted or unclean makes the dynamic different. Second, going into the marriage expecting to fix the other is a recipe for unhappiness. Third, Michael insists that God wants men to cleanse their wives, without giving any instruction or limitation. Compound this with little to no authoritative oversight and the dogma of wifely submission, and it\u2019s a powder keg.<\/p>\n

And if God wants the woman cleansed even more than the man does, couldn\u2019t he just do it himself and call it a day?<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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