{"id":216,"date":"2011-11-15T21:43:00","date_gmt":"2011-11-15T21:43:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/11\/gender-blind-spots\/"},"modified":"2012-08-07T21:59:51","modified_gmt":"2012-08-08T01:59:51","slug":"gender-blind-spots","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/11\/gender-blind-spots.html","title":{"rendered":"Gender Blind Spots"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
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Sometimes I think that being raised the way I was I notice things that others don\u2019t. Sometimes it seems like I see mainstream American society miming the beliefs of Christian Patriarchy in uncomfortable ways. It\u2019s like there are these damaging gender blind spots that no one notices and everyone buys into. Take, for example, Michelle Obama\u2019s recent email promoting her campaign group, Women for Obama. <\/span><\/div>\n
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As I have traveled across the country, I have had the privilege of meeting incredible women from all walks of life. From young women paying their own way through college, to moms working the extra shift to keep food on the table, to women struggling to make ends meet during retirement.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

So far so good, but brace yourself for what\u2019s coming.<\/span>
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We talk about their bills, their children \u2014 how they\u2019re constantly striving to strike that balance between work and family. And no matter what kind of challenges they\u2019re facing, they don\u2019t complain. They just work harder.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Oh my word. Women don\u2019t complain. No, sorry, this is one woman who absolutely does complain. When things are unjust, I complain. When I see discrimination or someone being hurt, I complain. I don\u2019t just suck it up and \u201cwork harder.\u201d I\u2019m tired of being told I\u2019m not supposed to complain and I\u2019m tired of being told to just put a smile on whatever life hands me and keep on going! But unfortunately, the next section isn\u2019t any better.<\/span>
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This is what we do as women. We persevere. Because no matter our ages, backgrounds, or stations in life, we are determined to leave a better world for our children and give them opportunities we never even dreamed of.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n<\/div>\n

Wut. Not \u201cno matter what, we are determined to achieve female equality.\u201d Not \u201cno matter what, we are determined to lead fulfilling lives.\u201d Not \u201cno matter what, we are determined to make this world a better place for humanity.\u201d No. Instead we get \u201cno matter what, we are determined to leave the world a better place for our children and give them opportunities we never even dreamed of.\u201d Because, you know, apparently all women ever do is sacrifice for their children (which, apparently, every woman has). <\/span>Do you have any idea how tired I am of being reduced to an appendage of my (present and future) children? Do you have any idea how tired I am of the idea that I should exist solely to give my daughter a good life? How about, instead of simply giving my daughter \u201copportunities I never even dreamed of,\u201d I go out and grab those opportunities and dreams for myself? Because that\u2019s what I\u2019m working my butt off trying to do! If every generation of women spends all of their energy making their kids\u2019 lives better than there own are, which generation of women gets to actually start living? Life isn\u2019t about the future, it\u2019s about now. <\/span>\n

I realize that I\u2019m being a bit nit picky, but like I said, I think growing up the way I did makes it so that I see things others generally just gloss over and don\u2019t notice. I think Michelle Obama is a wonderful, strong woman and I admire her, but I think she has some of the same gender blind spots that many other (most?) Americans have: <\/span><\/p>\n

1. Women shouldn\u2019t complain even when things are bad. <\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

2. Women exist to fulfill the needs of their children. <\/span><\/strong>
\n<\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n

I got these messages loud and clear growing up. <\/em><\/span>Don\u2019t complain about having to do more chores or about<\/span> having to watch your siblings instead of spending time with friends; just work harder.<\/span>When your father dictates your love life, don\u2019t complain; trust him. <\/span>Your duty as a woman is to be a wife and mother. <\/span>The more children you have, the more you are to be praised. <\/span><\/div>\n

\u00a0<\/p>\n

These blind spots are not just wrong, they\u2019re damaging. They may seem innocuous, but they have served over the years to dehumanize women and rob them of true equality. <\/span>You see, if something is wrong or unfair, I will complain, and so should every other woman out there. This idea that women shouldn\u2019t complain has been used for centuries and longer to oppress women. Because you know what? If people never complain, things will never change. Complaining is the first step to making things better. And you know what? If women had never complained, we\u2019d still be little more than property. The truth is, if we don\u2019t dump this \u201cwomen don\u2019t complain\u201d meme we can\u2019t achieve complete equality. <\/span>\n

Furthermore, I love my daughter Sally dearly, but I do not exist simply to fulfill her needs \u2013 or anyone else\u2019s. I am my own person with my own hopes, dreams, longings, and desires. I reject that meme of the self-sacrificing woman who puts everyone else before herself and works until she drops. It\u2019s not that I wouldn\u2019t jump in front of a bus for Sally, it\u2019s just that I want to live too. I have needs too. I\u2019m a person too. I exist, I didn\u2019t just disappear when Sally was born and become sort of extension of her. If we really want to achieve equality, we\u2019re going to have to drop the self-sacrificing woman meme. <\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s weird that something as simple as a campaign email from a progressive woman could bring all this up for me again, but it has. Am I the only one who sees these things? How can we hope to dismantle things like Christian Patriarchy when mainstream society jumps up and down to parrot its main tenets? <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Sometimes I think that being raised the way I was I notice things that others don\u2019t. Sometimes it seems like I see mainstream American society miming the beliefs of Christian Patriarchy in uncomfortable ways. It\u2019s like there are these damaging gender blind spots that no one notices and everyone buys into. Take, for example, Michelle […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[135],"class_list":["post-216","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-feminism","tag-gender"],"yoast_head":"\nGender Blind Spots<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Sometimes I think that being raised the way I was I notice things that others don't. 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