{"id":22382,"date":"2014-07-13T05:00:59","date_gmt":"2014-07-13T09:00:59","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=22382"},"modified":"2014-06-29T01:20:03","modified_gmt":"2014-06-29T05:20:03","slug":"strong-willed-child-children-value-strength","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2014\/07\/strong-willed-child-children-value-strength.html","title":{"rendered":"Strong-Willed Child: Children Value Strength<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a>By Victoria<\/strong><\/em><\/span><\/p>\n

Originally posted on Healing Victoria Strong<\/em><\/a><\/p>\n

The Strong-Willed Child<\/a>, p. 15<\/strong><\/p>\n

The first paragraph of this section has left me shaking my head. We start this section by saying,<\/p>\n

\u201cEveryone knows that they (children) are lovers of justice and law and order and secure boundaries. The writer of the book of Hebrew in the Bible even said that an undisciplined child feels like an illegitimate son or daughter, not even belonging to his family.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Hoo boy. Where to begin\u2026 Yes, children do appreciate justice, law and order, and secure boundaries. It\u2019s called fairness and safety. You know what? Adults tend to like those things too. But apparently this PhD feels it is perfectly acceptable to offer the book of Hebrew as evidence for his broad assertion. Because the writer of Hebrew conducted studies of undisciplined children, interviewed them, compiled empirical evidence, and thus can tell us exactly how they feel. And this exemplifies one of the major problems I have with this book, and why I cannot fathom why so many people were taken in by it. Dobson offers no empirical evidence for anything he says. He just makes broad assertions and backs them up with \u201cevidence\u201d so flimsy and unconvincing as to be a joke, or not at all. I\u2019ve done tons of reading in social sciences, both for academics and for pleasure, and NO ONE in that field gets to write a book just saying, \u201cwell, I have a doctorate from a good university, so what I say is gospel truth and must be taken at face value and never questioned.\u201d It doesn\u2019t work that way!! You cite credible sources, you study the existing literature on your subject, and you back up what you say with evidence.<\/p>\n

Also, what did \u201cillegitimate child\u201d mean back in the days of the writing of Hebrews? Illegitimate child has several different colloquial definitions today (it could simply mean a child whose parents are happily together but don\u2019t happen to be married by law, or it could mean a secret child conceived by an illicit affair between already-married people, and many things in between), so you\u2019d think Dobson would find it necessary or at least important to go into some background here, to help us make sense of the point he\u2019s trying to convey. But no. Dobson offers no context for this statement, which renders it somewhat meaningless.<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy, then, can\u2019t parents resolve all conflicts by the use of quiet discussions and explanations and gentle pats on the head?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well, if you are patting your kid on the head, then you\u2019re being very disrespectful and condescending, which they are going to find very offensive. That probably escalates the situation right there and negates the quiet discussions and explanations. If you do not patronize your child, then you probably can solve most conflicts with quiet discussions and explanations. But, Dobson has a better answer:<\/p>\n

\u201cThe answer is found in this curious value system of children which respects strength and courage (when combined with love).\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

As evidence, he cites the popularity of cartoon shows like Superman, Captain Marvel and Wonder Woman. Yup, that explains everything!<\/p>\n

Also, there\u2019s this:<\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 \u201cWhy else do children proclaim, \u2018My dad can beat up your dad!\u2019?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well, let\u2019s see. I mean, there\u00a0could<\/em>\u00a0be another reason that children say things like that\u2026 Maybe it\u2019s said out of loyalty and love to one\u2019s dad. Maybe it\u2019s said in response to being bullied. Maybe it\u2019s unhealthy and shouldn\u2019t be said at all. Let us not forget, the dads beating each other up willboth<\/em>\u00a0end up\u00a0in jail, regardless of who wins.<\/p>\n

We continue,<\/p>\n

\u201cYou see, boys and girls care about the issue of \u2018who\u2019s toughest.\u2019 Whenever a youngster moves into a new neighborhood or a new school district, he usually has to fight (either verbally or physically) to establish himself in the hierarchy of strength. Anyone who understands children knows that there is a \u2018top dog\u2019 in every group, and there is a poor little defeated pup at the bottom of the heap.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So, basically Dobson is saying that kids bullying each other is self-evident and there\u2019s nothing to be done about it (does he even\u00a0want<\/em>\u00a0to do anything about it?). I cannot possibly disagree more. Um, how about we don\u2019t accept this horrible behavior from our kids? Why don\u2019t we start anti-bullying campaigns to bring awareness to this screwed-up social construct and take action to eliminate it or at least reduce it? Here\u2019s an idea: why don\u2019t teachers reprimand students they catch bullying other kids \u2013 send them to the principal\u2019s office or something? Honestly, this book is so ass-backwards! Don\u2019t tolerate your baby crying because he\u2019s hungry, but if your son or daughter is bullying the kids at school, well, that\u2019s just life. We\u2019ll see in the next section that that is precisely how he raised his own kids.<\/p>\n

Some additional thoughts: Dobson says that children value \u201ctoughness (when combined with love)\u201d but then he defines that toughness as behavior that is clearly bullying and should be unacceptable in any civilized society. When these broken dynamics are occurring in schools and neighborhoods, children are generally interested in who is \u201ctop dog\u201d to avoid getting beaten up. They don\u2019t \u201cvalue\u201d the toughness. They may fear it, but they do not value it. Everyone hates the schoolyard bully. There is absolutely no love there. This behavior he has described is not healthy. It is not something that should be modeled or repeated at home, and yet, that is exactly what he is advocating. Sick. Utterly and completely sick.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

By Victoria.<\/i> So, basically Dobson is saying that kids bullying each other is self-evident and there\u2019s nothing to be done about it (does he even want to do anything about it?). I cannot possibly disagree more. Um, how about we don\u2019t accept this horrible behavior from our kids? Why don\u2019t we start anti-bullying campaigns to bring awareness to this screwed-up social construct and take action to eliminate it or at least reduce it? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[420],"class_list":["post-22382","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-strong-willed-child"],"yoast_head":"\nStrong-Willed Child: Children Value Strength<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"By Victoria. 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So, basically Dobson is saying that kids bullying each other is self-evident and there\u2019s nothing to be done about it (does he even want to do anything about it?). I cannot possibly disagree more. Um, how about we don\u2019t accept this horrible behavior from our kids? 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