near-constant\u00a0babywearing<\/a>, even in the home). I recycle, but I\u00a0don\u2019t eat organic. Both of my children are fully vaccinated and both were born in hospitals. I didn\u2019t have Bobby circumcised, but I do shave.<\/p>\nI don\u2019t have a problem with people being crunchy (except for the no vaccinations part, and providing any home births involve a certified midwife and have a backup plan). There\u2019s nothing wrong<\/em> with nursing longterm or cosleeping. But then, there\u2019s nothing wrong with not<\/em> nursing longterm or with not<\/em> cosleeping either. But I live in a college town that often seems like hippie heaven, and being crunchy is all the rage. I\u2019ve run into too many mothers who who view cosleeping or homebirthing as superior, and view mothers\u00a0who don\u2019t do these things as practicing inferior parenting and giving their children only second best.<\/p>\nSome would say it\u2019s only natural for people to view their parenting practices or lifestyle\u00a0practices as superior, given that people generally\u00a0choose the methods or lifestyle they think best. I don\u2019t actually think that\u2019s true. Yes, we tend to\u00a0choose the methods or lifestyle\u00a0we think best, but the key words missing there are for us<\/em>. There are plenty of times when people choose the methods or lifestyle that works best for them, but without thinking those things are best for everyone<\/em> or judging those who choose differently.<\/p>\nCosleeping may work well for one family, but terribly for another. I, for instance, need my space. If I were to try to force cosleeping, it would not go well for me. As it is, when my children climb in bed with Sean and me I generally put up with it as long as I can (and cuddling can be fun, for a time) and then\u00a0wiggle out and go sleep elsewhere. Even during the day, I don\u2019t like children permanently draped on me\u2014I need my space. I believe that sleeping in separate beds is best for me<\/em> and for my family<\/em>\u2014but that doesn\u2019t mean I think it is superior to cosleeping, or that I think it\u2019s best for every<\/em> family.<\/p>\nI draw a distinction between underlying principles and specific practices. I believe parents should form a loving and accepting relationship with their children, built on communication and respect. That\u2019s an underlying principle. Cosleeping, in contrast, is a specific practice. The importance of bonding with your newborn is an underlying principle, but trying to bond instantaneously through a water birth in the home is a specific practice (and one that doesn\u2019t work for everyone). To give another example, I let Sally choose her own bedtime, but that does not mean I think every parent should do this, or that I think parents who do set bedtimes are practicing inferior parenting. I think parents should listen to their children, work with\u00a0their children, and find ways\u00a0to make bedtime as pleasant as possible for everyone involved, but I don\u2019t think that boils down to a specific practice. Every family is different, and different families have different needs.<\/p>\n
As I explained to Sean, Ella\u2019s mother set off several crunchy indicators for me. Every time I see her she\u2019s wearing her one-year-old in a wrap, and she doesn\u2019t shave. I have absolutely no problem with this, and I suspect that Ella\u2019s mother and I would probably hit it off fine. I only mentioned anything\u00a0to Sean because of how\u00a0many times I\u2019ve been burned\u00a0by judgmental\u00a0crunchy mamas. It\u2019s uncomfortable, not being crunchy enough for the mothers around me, and I\u2019ve had enough judgement from my fundamentalist parents to fill my lifetime quota. I don\u2019t need to have someone judging me as second-best because my children don\u2019t drink raw milk or attend chicken pox parties.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
A couple of weeks ago we ran into a family at the park. We’d run into them several times before, and Sally had taken to their daughter, Ella. This time we learned that Ella will be attending kindergarten at the same school as Sally this fall. After we left the park, I remarked to Sean that it might be good to have this family over—that we might get on well with them. “But then I don’t know how crunchy she is,” I added. I was referring to Ella’s mother, and Sean asked what I meant. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43,108],"tags":[24,437],"class_list":["post-23061","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family","category-parenting","tag-children","tag-crunchy"],"yoast_head":"\n
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