{"id":23499,"date":"2014-10-01T23:55:27","date_gmt":"2014-10-02T03:55:27","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=23499"},"modified":"2014-10-01T23:55:27","modified_gmt":"2014-10-02T03:55:27","slug":"can-heitman-prevent-his-daughter-from-going-to-college","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2014\/10\/can-heitman-prevent-his-daughter-from-going-to-college.html","title":{"rendered":"Can Heitman Prevent His Daughter from Going to College?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Pastor Karl Heitman recently wrote a blog post titled \u201c2 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Not Go to College.<\/a>\u201d<\/p>\n

I pledged to myself that I will not sacrifice my daughter on *the altar of men* by sending her out of my home, care, and protection at age 18 just so that she can get a degree and achieve some worldly status. I will count those years as a precious time for my wife and me to prepare her for the wonderful task that\u2019s ahead. The job of being a wife and mother is a high calling and I would argue is the most important job under the sun.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The first thing that occurred to me is that this isn\u2019t Heitman\u2019s decision, it\u2019s his daughter Annalise\u2019s decision (Annalise is only five at the moment). Whether Heitman\u00a0likes it or not, when Annalise turns 18 she will be a legal adult and he will have no control over her decisions. Or will he?<\/p>\n

Our current system of paying for college is messed up\u2014including our financial aid system. If Heitman\u2019s daughter wants to file a FAFSA to apply for financial aid, she will have to have a parent\u2019s signature. If Heitman refuses to sign her FAFSA, Annalise is out of luck where financial aid is concerned\u2014unless, of course, she can prove that she was abused. But I\u2019ve seen that process, and it can be complicated, because you have to present supporting evidence.\u00a0And besides, what if she isn\u2019t abused, at least in any legal sense of the term?<\/p>\n

But of course, even this presumes Annalise\u00a0qualifies for financial aid. She might not. The general assumption is that when a young adult\u2019s parents\u00a0make too much money for her to qualify for financial aid, her parents will pitch in and help pay for her college. After all, the system is set up specifically to help young adults whose parents can\u2019t<\/em> afford to pay for their college. If Heitman makes enough money,\u00a0Annalise may not qualify for financial aid.<\/p>\n

So, Heitman could deprive Annalise\u00a0of financial aid, and it\u2019s possible that she might not qualify anyway. What then? It\u2019s very unlikely that Annalise\u00a0will have money to pay for college herself, especially given the rising expense. She might have a family member\u2014an aunt or grandparent\u2014who could help her out, but chances are her only other option would be a loan. And guess what? Someone has to cosign a loan. What if Heitman refuses to cosign a loan? Annalise\u00a0might be able to find an uncle or cousin to cosign, but that\u2019s uncertain.<\/p>\n

Our current college financing system presumes that parents\u2014whether poor or rich\u2014want their children to be able to go to college. It assumes that parents of young adults\u2014and we\u2019re talking anyone between 18 and 24\u2014will help pay for their children\u2019s college if they can afford it, and that those who can\u2019t afford it will sign their children\u2019s FAFSAs so that they can get financial aid. But these assumptions are not always accurate, and when they\u2019re not, it\u2019s the young adult who is left holding the bag.<\/p>\n

Our economic system is set up such that some of the greatest financial burdens an individual will bear occur at the very beginning of adulthood. Unfortunately, when a young adult\u2019s parents don\u2019t help them out\u2014by signing a FAFSA, helping out financially, or cosigning loans\u2014their futures and options may be severely curtailed. Yes, there may be other options\u2014various trades, attending community college while working\u2014but some doors are simply closed.<\/p>\n

What of Heitman\u2019s plan for Annalise\u00a0to spend her adult hears as a wife and mother?\u00a0The trouble is that during\u00a0the years parents\u2014usually mothers\u2014spend as homemakers and caregivers, they aren\u2019t accruing\u00a0social security benefits, they don\u2019t make money, and they don\u2019t acquire career skills or work experience. Now yes, there are things that matter more than money. But the trouble is that, in the system we currently have, a mother who stays at home (and it is usually the mother) is incredibly\u00a0dependent on her husband. She\u2019s dependent not only in a current sense (financially) but also in a future sense (social security benefits) and in a sense that increases over time (as the gap on the resume widens). This is especially<\/em> true if a woman did not attend college or gain work experience before transitioning to life as a stay-at-home mother.<\/p>\n

As for me, I was lucky. My parents taught me that my role in life was to be a wife and mother, and absolutely not to have a career, but they still sent me to college. They told me they wanted me to have a backup plan, and options available if I didn\u2019t marry immediately or if my husband someday were to lose his job or die. They also said that college-educated men generally want to marry college-educated women, for the intellectual compatibility. In fact, they described the money they paid for my college as my \u201cdowry.\u201d Of course, college graduates marrying college graduates is\u00a0likely\u00a0more about social\u00a0homogeneity\u00a0than intellectual compatibility and college is not always necessary to ensure\u00a0that a young woman is prepared to support herself.<\/p>\n

But Heitman isn\u2019t saying that he wants to prepare is daughter to support herself using avenues outside of college. He explicitly states<\/em> that he doesn\u2019t think his daughter should<\/em> be prepared to support herself. I\u2019d like to say that Heitman is unaware of just how dependent he plans to make his daughter on her future husband, but his words make it clear that that\u2019s not true. He argues\u00a0that it is\u00a0right and natural for a woman to be dependent on her husband\u2014and obedient to him. And of course, divorce is not seen as an option. A married woman is supposed<\/em> to be shackled to\u00a0her husband, for good or for bad.<\/p>\n

And besides, what if Heitman\u2019s daughter doesn\u2019t marry straight out of high school, or until her thirties, or at all? What would Heitman have her do\u2014live at home with him, waiting for her prince charming to appear? Unfortunately, he answers this question with a resounding \u201cyes<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve read a variety of commentary on Heitman\u2019s article, and want to highlight this bit:<\/p>\n

Better titled \u201cMany numbered reasons your daughter will distance herself from you when she realizes she has been given free will and stops being afraid to use it.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This father may not realize it, but his assumption that he can dictate his daughter\u2019s life trajectory and make her adult decisions for her will likely come back to bite him in the end, especially if he deliberately sabotages her options. Again, I have watched this happen. I know young women who have found themselves in this position, with parents unwilling to sign a FAFSA or help out in any other way. The young women generally make it through, with blood, sweat, and tears, but their relationships with their parents generally don\u2019t.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Pastor Karl Heitman recently wrote a blog post titled \u201c2 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Not Go to College.\u201d I pledged to myself that I will not sacrifice my daughter on *the altar of men* by sending her out of my home, care, and protection at age 18 just so that she can get a […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,25],"tags":[165],"class_list":["post-23499","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-evangelicalism-fundamentalism","category-christian-patriarchy","tag-stay-at-home-daughters"],"yoast_head":"\nCan Heitman Prevent His Daughter from Going to College?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Pastor Karl Heitman recently wrote a blog post titled "2 Reasons Why My Daughter Will Not Go to College." 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