Created To Be His Help Meet<\/a>, pp. 288-89<\/strong><\/p>\nBelieve it or not, next week will be the last installment of our Created To Be His Help Meet <\/em>series. We\u2019re finally there\u2014at the end of the book. I feel like we need to do something to celebrate\u2014after all, I\u2019ve been at this for over two years! I\u2019m thinking about finding a way to better organize these posts, and writing some concluding posts summarizing key themes and concerns. I\u2019m also thinking about what book to do next. I may put To Train Up A Child in this slot and resume my reviews, but I\u2019m also thinking about reviewing books by another author, possibly Joshua Harris\u2019s I Kissed Dating Goodbye. I\u2019m interested in your input on this!<\/p>\nToday, we will look at another of Debi\u2019s poems. I will not judge it on style (and I would be a poor judge indeed if I tried to, as I have never studied poetry), but will look instead at the content, and at what this poem tries to communicate.<\/p>\n
I Am His Water<\/strong>
\nBy Debi Pearl<\/em><\/p><\/blockquote>\nBy the title alone you can tell the direction this poem will take. First of all, when Christians say \u201cI Am His\u201d they usually mean God\u2019s<\/em>. As discussed before, Debi does not see wives as oriented primarily toward God, but rather toward their husbands. Their husbands belong to God. They<\/em> belong to their husbands.<\/p>\nIt\u2019s also worth noting that water takes the shape of whatever container you put it in, which makes it a good metaphor for Debi. As we have seen, Debi teaches that women should mold themselves into whatever complement their husbands need. She also says that women are not \u201cfixed\u201d like\u00a0men, but are rather more flexible and changeable.<\/p>\n
I am his water;
\nHe gazes at me as I ripple over the rocks,
\nThe sun glistening in a thousand places over my surface.
\nI dance and play,
\nDelighting him day after day;
\nSo beautiful! I hear him say;
\nI am his water, lovely and laughing.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
In this stanza (is that the\u00a0correct term?), Debi appears as an object. Her husband Michael looks at her, watches her dance and play, and calls her beautiful. The entire point is that Debi pleases her husband. Michael appears like an art dealer appraising a piece of art and proclaiming it worthy.<\/p>\n
Furthermore, Debi\u2019s use of the word play serves to infantilize.<\/p>\n
He thirsts for me
\nLike a man in a burning desert,
\nHot, dry sand burning his throat,
\nThe scorching sun beating upon him,
\nHe seeks me.
\nI am his deep well filled with fresh, clean,
\nabundant water;
\nAlways there, waiting to quench his thirst;
\nI am his water, fresh, clean, abundant.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Again the focus is on how Debi can please and fulfill Michael. Debi is always there ready to do whatever she needs to do to make Michael happy\u2014if this book is any guide, that is what she sees as\u00a0her purpose in life. This \u201cquench his thirst\u201d bit could be a sexual metaphor, but it likely also stands for her peaceful and calming presence\u2014peaceful and calming, in part, because Debi believes wives are to be subservient, to avoid challenging their husbands, and to put aside any criticism.<\/p>\n
I should note that Debi\u2019s presence surely cannot be peaceful and calming to people other than Michael. The way Debi talks about and treats other women in her book suggests that she is not a very kind or loving person at all. To Michael, though, she is different\u2014at least, if she follows what she preaches in this book.<\/p>\n
He looks for peace;
\nHis soul grows troubled.
\nRumors abound, he struggles;
\nHe comes to me;
\nHe lies in the soft green carpet of my banks;
\nI am the deep, still water.
\nAlthough he does not touch me, I give him rest.
\nSolace.
\nI am his water, deep, still; I bring him peace.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Again we see this idea that Debi presents a peaceful and calming haven for Michael. This would not necessarily bother me if it were not that (a) Debi presents this as a one-way type thing, rather than as spouses supporting and encouraging each other<\/em>, and (b) Debi has explicitly stated that wives should not criticize or challenge their husbands, and that they must \u201creverence\u201d their husbands whether they are worthy of it or not.<\/p>\nHe has forgotten who he is;
\nHe searches for reality, to claim his
\npersonhood.
\nHe stumbles and falls on his knees beside me;
\nHe stares into my depths, searching for truth.
\nI lie still and reflect the\u00a0man he is, good, strong, true;
\nHe sees and is reassured.
\nI am his water, reflecting, reassuring,
\nReminding him of who and what he is.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I\u2019m not sure what all this is referring to, because from what I have seen Michael is incapable of honest self-reflection. But regardless, we again see Debi as an object that exists for the good of Michael. Notice that Debi does not talk. She just lays there, and he looks at her, and that is all he needs.<\/p>\n
He has learned to trust me;
\nI have earned his trust.
\nI have\u00a0danced and laughed for him.
\nIn the bright sunshine he thought me beautiful.
\nI have been clean, fresh, and abundant water;
\nI have yearned always to quench his thirst;
\nWaters, abundant waters.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Notice that Debi says she has danced and laughed for him<\/em>, not with him<\/em>. Again, this is the central concern I\u2019ve having with this poem\u2014it\u2019s completely onesided, and suggests that Debi exists for Michael\u2014<\/em>to please him, to strengthen him, and so forth.<\/p>\nI have been quiet and deep;
\nI have soothed his troubled soul:
\nHe has found rest beside me.
\nWhen he peered into my depths, searching,
\nI reflected back to him strength and honor.
\nHe had no fear with me;
\nHe was safe being the man he was created to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Debi has said several times that husbands and wives are able to have especially intimate relationships when the wife follows the teachings she lays out because the wife does not criticize or mock the husband<\/em>. I do agree that spouses should not make fun of each other or shame each other, and that that each spouse should feel safe with the other. But it is completely and utterly false\u00a0that the sort of intimacy born of trust is only possible if the wife never criticizes her husband or tells him when he messes up. In fact, I would argue that you can\u2019t<\/em> have this sort of intimacy if both parties are not free to speak their minds. After all, in Michael and Debi\u2019s\u00a0relationship\u00a0Michael is free to be who he is, but Debi is not<\/em>. What sort of intimacy is that?<\/p>\nAs we\u2019ve discussed before, Michael does not appear to be able to take criticism. Remember how shocked he was when Debi suggested he by cheaper ground beef? The man cannot take criticism. The trouble\u00a0is that rather than seeing that Michael had a problem, Debi\u00a0concluded that the\u00a0problem was her<\/em>\u2014and now in her books and articles\u00a0she assumes\u00a0that every man is like her husband, and that the way her husband is is healthy and okay.<\/p>\nHere is how Debi ends her poem:<\/p>\n
Now he plunges into my cool, deep water;
\nI hear him laugh as he surfaces; I feel his
\nMuscles relax;
\nI see him find glory and honor\u2014
\nOther men marvel.
\nI am . . . his water.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Well, okay then.<\/p>\n
To sum up: I am disturbed by how one-sided all of this is, and by how often Debi serves as simply an object for Michael\u2019s pleasure. But then, that is the crux of my criticism of this book, boiled down into one sentence.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
To sum up: I am disturbed by how one-sided all of this is, and by how often Debi serves as simply an object for Michael’s pleasure. But then, that is the crux of my criticism of this book, boiled down into one sentence. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[259],"class_list":["post-23866","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-created-to-be-his-help-meet"],"yoast_head":"\n
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