While in college, I converted to Catholicism. I went through the full process and was received into the Church. I still have the dress I wore that day.\u00a0As a newly married Catholic, I relied on natural family planning (NFP) to plan and space out my children. Even after I found that I no longer believed in God, I continued using NFP, largely because I liked that it was natural and I was taught growing up that artificial birth control\u00a0was little better than poison. While today I have an IUD, I used NFP (and did so successfully) until after my second child was born.<\/p>\n
It was\u00a0as a former Catholic and former user of NFP that I read this description<\/a>\u00a0of the pope\u2019s recent remarks while visiting the Philippines:<\/p>\n The pope cited the case of a woman he met who was pregnant with her eighth child after seven Cesarean sections. \u201cThat is an irresponsibility!\u201d he said. The woman might argue that she should trust in God. \u201cBut God gives you methods to be responsible,\u201d he said.<\/p>\n He said there are many \u201clicit\u201d ways of regulating births that are approved by the church, an apparent reference to the family planning method of monitoring a woman\u2019s cycle to avoid intercourse when she is ovulating.<\/p>\n \u201cGod gives you methods to be responsible,\u201d he said, according to the National Catholic Reporter\u2019s account. \u201cSome think that \u2014 excuse the word \u2014 that in order to be good Catholics we have to be like rabbits. No.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019ve seen a lot of people point to this as evidence that the pope is being compassionate, and human. This leaves me a bit confused. So let\u2019s talk about this.<\/p>\n There is no change in Catholic doctrine here. For over fifty years now, the Church has held that artificial birth control is not allowed but that natural family planning\u2014choosing not to have sex during the days a woman is fertile\u2014is. Specifically, using natural family planning when there is just reason for limiting or spacing births<\/em> is permitted, but using NFP for selfish reasons<\/em> is not.<\/p>\n The pope says that \u201cGod gives you methods to be responsible.\u201d I have to wonder, why is NFP the only method God allows? I know the justification is that artificial birth control negates the procreative purpose of sex, but doesn\u2019t using NFP to prevent pregnancy do that as well? You know what\u2019s interesting? Of all methods of birth control, it is NFP that is most difficult to use. NFP also only works with complete cooperation of the male partner, which prevents a woman from making independent decisions about her own reproduction.<\/p>\n It\u2019s often been said that\u00a0this pope is a compassionate pope who is restoring the \u201chuman side\u201d to Catholic teaching. But wouldn\u2019t true compassion mean giving women the pope himself admits have good reason to limit the number of births effective means to do so?<\/p>\n Not only is NFP difficult to learn and use, it also doesn\u2019t work for everyone. I have a friend who planned to use NFP to space out her second child from her first, but ended up giving birth to an oops baby only 16 months after her first. After her second birth she\u00a0told me\u00a0she would be more careful, but then she had a second\u00a0oops baby 11 months later, three children in only two and a half years. And to top all of this off, she had a condition that made her morning sickness so severe\u00a0she could barely care for the children she already had. After my friend\u2019s\u00a0third child was born, her husband had a vasectomy.<\/p>\n How can the Church be \u201ccompassionate\u201d while condemning my friend\u2019s decision\u2014a decision that has given her freedom from her condition and allowed her to finally spend meaningful time with her children? Had my friend gone to a priest, she would have been told to give NFP another try. Perhaps\u00a0she could have made NFP work if she\u2019d given it a\u00a0third try,\u00a0but even then she\u2019d likely live in fear of another \u201coops\u201d baby\u2014and based on my own experience with NFP, that fear would likely bleed over into her sex life.<\/p>\n And it\u2019s not just my friend, either. Take a look at this post by a Catholic blogger and mother of four<\/a>. In this it, the author writes about being failed by NFP multiple times despite her best efforts, and about trying to cling\u00a0to the Church\u2019s teaching even as her sanity slips and her family\u2019s financial security is thrown into question.<\/p>\n Here is an excerpt:<\/p>\n [My husband]\u00a0didn\u2019t say much. We\u2019re in the same boat, me and him. Me terrified of the physical, mental and emotional toll wrought by more children, and him terrified of the financial weight on our already sinking ship. To tell the truth, I think he\u2019s equally terrified at the thought of losing me to a complete nervous breakdown, or a heart attack or stroke brought on by overwhelming stress. And neither of us have any answers. We know what the Church says. We know that we ought to have faith, and trust. Personally, I don\u2019t think I have any faith or trust left in me. I think that well was depleted by the last two pregnancies, immediately following courses in new methods of NFP. Ones that, we were assured, would really work. Is it possible that we did it wrong, that I misread signs, that it\u2019s all down to user error? Absolutely. I\u2019d even say it\u2019s probable. But there\u2019s only so much perfection in reading signs and charting that can be expected from a sleep-deprived, over-stretched mother whose every bathroom break is accompanied by a toddler or two. And there\u2019s only so much abstinence that can reasonably be expected of a couple not in a Josephine marriage. Seven, eight months last time? I lost count. How long this time? A year, two? And how do we deal with the incredible strain that so much abstinence places on our marriage? The frustrated desires, the feelings of rejection, the guilt, the anger, the loneliness?<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n Telling women that limiting their number of pregnancies is reasonable\u2014even that it is their responsibility<\/em>\u2014but allowing them only NFP to do so is not compassion. I was able to make NFP work for me, but only by being very very<\/em> careful, and I spent years being paranoid that it would fail (and for good reason!). Indeed, the\u00a0years I spent using NFP wreaked havoc on my sex life. NFP defenders might say I should have worried less, but if I had I might well have ended up like my friend.<\/p>\n While I\u2019m at it, I really have to address something else, too. In his recent remarks in the Philippines, the pope also said this:<\/span><\/p>\n \u201cEvery people deserves to conserve its identity without being ideologically colonized.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n I appreciate this remark, which is\u00a0about five centuries too late. It\u2019s also highly selective and more than a little disingenuous.<\/span><\/p>\n Use of contraception in the Philippines is a contentious issue, as the Philippine government only recently approved contraceptive access against forceful opposition from Catholic bishops, the National Catholic Reporter said.<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n In other words, the pope ma<\/span>de his remark in support of bishops who sought to maintain a ban on\u00a0artificial contraception. The 2012 Reproductive Health Law, which offered filipinos access to free contraceptives\u00a0and\u00a0survived legal challenge from\u00a0the Catholic Church, was welcomed by 72% of filipinos, according to one survey. Another study found a similar level of support<\/a> for contraceptives among husbands and wives as far back as 1993.<\/p>\n In other words, you could argue that the Catholic Church\u2019s efforts to prevent filipinos from having access to birth control\u2014access that is widely supported by the filipino people\u2014is an act of ideological colonization. Yes, the Philippines is a very Catholic country, but the pope\u2019s remarks\u00a0nevertheless represent the efforts of the global Catholic Church hierarchy working to force its will on the filipino people.<\/p>\n