{"id":25744,"date":"2015-05-30T09:58:28","date_gmt":"2015-05-30T13:58:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=25744"},"modified":"2015-05-30T10:38:00","modified_gmt":"2015-05-30T14:38:00","slug":"sexual-purity-and-the-pool-battle-plan","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2015\/05\/sexual-purity-and-the-pool-battle-plan.html","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Purity and the Pool Battle Plan"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

A\u00a0recent article by Heath Lambert, executive director of the Association of Certified Biblical Counselors, got me thinking about the way purity culture harms men. The article was titled Pursuing Purity at the Pool<\/a> and aimed at preparing men for going to\u00a0the beach or pool this summer. Take a look at this paragraph, for instance:<\/p>\n

During this time of year many show up to swim wearing very immodest swimming gear. \u00a0Such immodesty creates a struggle for many seeking sexual purity. \u00a0We may choose to decry immodest swimming apparel, but the reality is that outside of our own homes and families there is not much we can do about it. \u00a0That means that we will have to take responsibility for our own eyes and hearts as we venture out to\u00a0 swim this summer. \u00a0Here are five suggestions to help us stay pure while many are wearing provocative attire near the water.\u00a0<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

In order to understand what the author, Heath Lambert, is getting at, you have to understand that evangelicals and fundamentalists who enforce strict modesty standards and subscribe to what I call \u201cpurity culture\u201d believe that even thinking about sex<\/em> is sinful. To be more precise, thinking about sex with someone you are not married to<\/em> is held to be sinful. But what this really boils down to is seeing sexual attraction<\/em> as sinful.<\/p>\n

When Heath talks about the difficulty of staying \u201cpure\u201d at the pool, he is not talking about how difficult it is to avoid having sex with<\/em>\u00a0sexually attractive women in swimming attire, he\u2019s talking about how difficult it is to avoid having\u00a0feelings of sexual attraction for<\/em>\u00a0attractive women in swimming attire.<\/p>\n

Have you ever tried not<\/em> thinking about something? It\u2019s really hard, isn\u2019t it? An ordinary guy is going to go to the pool and think \u201cmmm, sexy\u201d from time to time, and that\u2019s about it. A guy who believes sexual thoughts are sinful is instead going to spend the entire time obsessing over sex in an attempt not to think about it. How sad is that?<\/p>\n

(As a side note, while Heath does\u00a0say that men should take\u00a0responsibility for their own eyes, he also describes women\u2019s swimwear as \u201cprovocative,\u201d which generally implies an intention<\/em> to provoke. I for one do not evaluate my swimming attire based on whether or not it will cause the men around me to think sexual thoughts.)<\/p>\n

Heath offers several suggestions to help men avoid feelings of sexual attraction to women at the pool or beach.<\/p>\n

\n

1. \u00a0Don\u2019t Go<\/strong><\/p>\n

One suggestion is not to go to the pool, lake, or beach where others will be dressed immodestly. \u00a0For some, the temptation to lust will be too overpowering and should be avoided. \u00a0The suggestion to avoid such temptation may sound ridiculous to some. \u00a0What is summer without the water? \u00a0The beach? \u00a0But this suggestion is not mine. \u00a0Jesus thought of it long before I did. \u00a0If your eye causes you to sin, tear it out and throw it away. \u00a0it is better for you to enter life with one eye than with two eyes to be thrown into the hell of fire\u00a0(Matt 18:9<\/em>). \u00a0Jesus\u2019 words here are very candid instruction indicating that it is better to be pure than to be by the pool.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

And there it is\u2014\u201cthe temptation to lust.\u201d Evangelical author\u00a0Josh Harris defines lust as \u201ccraving sexually what God has forbidden.\u201d Evangelical theologian John Piper defines lust as \u201cthe realm of thought, imagination, and desire that leads to sexual misconduct,\u201d and\u00a0makes it very clear<\/a> that he any sexual thought can lead to sexual misconduct and all of it is counts as lust.\u00a0\u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

\n

2. \u00a0Pray<\/strong><\/p>\n

Many will not have to take such radical measures. \u00a0Such people will find it possible to be near the scantily-clad bodies of people near the water, but they will need to get ready before they do it. \u00a0This will at least mean that we need to pray. \u00a0Prayer should be part of our preparation of heading to the lake every bit as much as buying sunscreen. \u00a0We should pray for a heart of purity before we head out and we should be ready to depend on God in prayer while there. \u00a0The immediacy of prayer means that we can call out to God in the moment of temptation and receive his help right when we need it (Heb\u00a04:16).<\/p>\n

3. \u00a0Memorize and Meditate<\/strong><\/p>\n

In addition to prayer we can also prepare our hearts for the pool by memorizing and meditating on Scripture\u2014I have hidden your Word in my heart that I might not sin against you\u00a0(Pss 119:11)<\/em>. \u00a0The passages you select might be focused on purity,\u00a0For this is the will of God, your sanctification: that you abstain from sexual immorality\u00a0(1 Thess 4:3).<\/em>\u00a0\u00a0Or the passage may be focused on some other glorious truth of Scripture that redirects your heart towards the things of God,\u00a0Christ is the image of the invisible God, the firstborn of all creation. \u00a0For by him all things were created, in heaven and on earth, visible and invisible\u00a0(Col\u00a01:15-16)<\/em>. \u00a0It really doesn\u2019t matter as long as you are taking your thoughts captive to Christ (2 Cor 10:5).<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Most people can get ready to head for the pool without creating a spiritual battle plan. And perhaps, to me, that is what is most sad here. Articles like this, with their\u00a0conflation of sexual attraction with sin, make visits to the pool a Huge Freaking Deal and in doing so create elevated levels of sexual tension.<\/p>\n

If Heath and other guys like him would stop trying so very hard not to think about sex, they might actually find themselves thinking about it less. Ironic, isn\u2019t it?<\/p>\n

\n

4. \u00a0Stay Focused<\/strong><\/p>\n

While you\u2019re out swimming stay focused. \u00a0For me, I never have an occasion to be swimming without my wife and children, and so staying focused means two things. \u00a0First, I keep my gaze fixed on my family. \u00a0I look at my wife or my kids. \u00a0I work to avoid looking around at other people. \u00a0Second, I stay focused on my work as a husband and father and work to serve my family. \u00a0I focus on trying to play with my kids, talk with my wife, keep everyone safe, and do what I can to help everyone enjoy their time. \u00a0I find this helps keeps my eyes and heart focused where they should be.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m a parent of young children myself, and I\u2019m trying to think of the last time I had the time to think\u00a0\u201cmmm, sexy\u201d while at the pool. Ordinarily\u00a0I spend the bulk of my time trying to make sure my children don\u2019t, you know, drown<\/em>. My older child is transitioning to\u00a0swimming without a floaties, which is freaking me out, and while my younger child still wears a flotation device, he doesn\u2019t always stay as close to me as I would like. If I switch off with my husband and take\u00a0a break from the kids, I usually go to the hot tub, close my eyes, and enjoy a moment of relaxation.<\/p>\n

I guess what I\u2019m getting at is that most people spend the bulk of their time at the pool focused on themselves or their friends or family members, not checking out sexy people. But because\u00a0of Heath\u2019s conflation of sexual attraction with sin, and because of his obsession with not thinking about sex, what is ordinarily\u00a0normal becomes difficult and a challenging and part of a battle plan.<\/p>\n

\n

5. \u00a0Sing<\/strong><\/p>\n

When all else fails . . . sing. \u00a0So many people I know find that when they are really tempted they can break the back of sin and temptation by singing songs that redirect their attention to the Lord. \u00a0In God\u2019s world he causes music to be one of the main ways we treasure Christ and the Word (Col\u00a03:16). \u00a0Songs like\u00a0Turn Your Eyes Upon Jesus<\/em>,\u00a0It Is Well with My Soul<\/em>, and\u00a0Before the Throne of God Above<\/em>\u00a0are all songs that I sing to help orient my heart to Jesus. \u00a0You don\u2019t have to be live in concert in front of everyone at the beach. You can sing silently and it will still work.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

If someone wants to maintain\u00a0an internal soundtrack, that\u2019s fine by\u00a0me, but again I would point out that this wouldn\u2019t be such an issue without Heath\u2019s obsessive focus on not<\/em> thinking about sex. How is it not obvious that trying not<\/em> to think about something is only going to make one\u00a0think about it more?<\/p>\n

\n

I am praying for you this summer. \u00a0My prayer is that in God\u2019s kindness you would spend as much energy this summer fighting for purity as you do having a blast by the water. \u00a0I pray that these suggestions help you do that very thing.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

So basically, going to the pool is one part fighting lust and one part having fun in the water. That does not sound so fun. I mean, there\u2019s the whole battle plan aspect of it\u2014you have to be always on your guard, on the alert, etc. How can you actually relax?<\/p>\n

Purity culture doesn\u2019t just hurt women, it hurts men, too. I honestly and truly feel sorry\u00a0for Heath. He is obsessing over sex to the point that he can\u2019t simply\u00a0enjoy a trip to the pool\u2014and yet he thinks that in doing so he is being virtuous<\/em> and honorable <\/em>and that it is everyone else <\/em>who is obsessed with sex.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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