This past Friday, Jill and Jessa repeated their parents\u2019 minimization of their brother\u2019s actions, complete with their insistence that Josh was \u201cjust curious about girls.\u201d And what really hit me, hearing that, was the hypocrisy of all of this.<\/p>\n
First,\u00a0they\u2019re treating what Josh did as something normal for boys his age when molesting prepubescent girls as a teen is not<\/em> normal sexual behavior for adolescents. But more than that, this is the family that only allows \u201cside hugs\u201d before marriage, and yet they\u2019re minimizing Josh\u2019s sexual touching of his younger sisters because it was \u201cover clothing\u201d? Really?!<\/p>\n My head cannot contain these contradictions. It hurts.<\/p>\n First, Josh was\u00a0not<\/em>\u00a0\u201cjust curious about girls.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n Stop It Now, an organization that works to decrease the incidence of child sexual abuse, discusses the\u00a0sexual behavior of\u00a0children Josh\u2019s age as follows<\/a>:<\/p>\n ADOLESCENCE (13 to 16)<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Common:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Will need information and have questions about<\/span> Uncommon:<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n Masturbation in a public place.<\/span> Seriously, do some googling. Everything you\u2019ll find states it is normal for a teen\u00a0to experiment sexually with his or her peers, but abnormal\u00a0and\u00a0a sign that something is wrong\u00a0for a teen\u00a0to express sexual interest in significantly younger children. And yet, the Duggars are portraying Josh\u2019s actions as normal<\/em> and just\u00a0<\/em>something teenage boys go through<\/em>.<\/p>\n There\u2019s another reason I don\u2019t think this can accurately be portrayed as Josh being \u201cjust curious about girls.\u201d Josh didn\u2019t do what he did once, and then stop, his curiosity about female anatomy satisfied. No, he did it repeatedly, multiple times, over the course of a year. He did it even though he had been told in no uncertain terms to stop, and even though he was purportedly upset by his own behavior. This does not read to me as \u201cjust curious about girls.\u201d<\/p>\n Even if we were to accept the Duggars\u2019 claim that Josh was \u201cjust curious about girls,\u201d their takeaway is still wrong. If Josh was really so kept so ignorant of human anatomy and so isolated from girls his own age that touching his younger sisters was the only way to satisfy his awakening sexual questions and interest, well, that\u2019s a problem, <\/em>and the Duggars\u2019 solution\u2014putting locks on the bedroom doors, disallowing boys\u00a0from babysitting, and banning hide-and-seek\u2014does nothing to address it.<\/p>\n There\u2019s another issue here as well. Regardless of what drove Josh\u2019s behavior, what he did\u00a0to his victims was nonconsensual. This, too, makes Josh\u2019s actions abnormal and a sign that something is wrong. But as I\u2019ve written before<\/a>, Christians who hold\u00a0the Duggars\u2019 worldview do little to distinguish between consensual and nonconsensual sex. This makes them less able to see lack of consent as a problem and more likely to simply see any sexual contact at all as the problem\u2014and thus much less able\u00a0to effectively distinguish between normal and abnormal teenage sexual behavior.<\/p>\n Can we pause for a moment and appreciate the irony of the Duggars downplaying Josh\u2019s actions as \u201cjust curious about girls\u201d while adhering to\u00a0an organization\u00a0that teaches that masturbation is a sin and an evil and a grave moral failure<\/a>?<\/p>\n I honestly don\u2019t understand why the Duggars are downplaying Josh\u2019s crimes to begin with. How hard would it be for them to say \u201cJosh\u00a0sinned gravely, there is no excuse for his actions\u201d? They could still have their whole come-to-Jesus moment about how Josh found God and God turned his life around. We see this sort of narrative all the time! Why, then, the need to downplay the gravity of what Josh did, especially given how at odds their defense is with everything\u00a0they\u2019ve ever said\u00a0about teenagers and sex?<\/p>\n And now let\u2019s shift gears slightly and talk about another problem.<\/p>\n Second, the excuse-making is highly selective.<\/strong><\/p>\n Put simply, the\u00a0Duggars are making more excuses for Josh\u2019s sexual molestation of his younger sisters than they would for one of their children should that child have premarital sexual contact. Yes, you read that right.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n I\u00a0grew up in this culture. I lived it. Having premarital sexual contact was about the worst thing you\u00a0could\u00a0do. Can you even imagine what would have happened if Jim Bob or Michelle had caught Jill or Jessa having sex with Derrick or Ben before their weddings? The shame, the betrayal, the dishonor it would have been considered! And yet, here\u00a0they\u00a0are arguing\u00a0that what Josh did was\u00a0no big deal,<\/em>\u00a0really!<\/p>\n Let\u00a0me quote from<\/a> Jim Bob and Michelle\u2019s book,\u00a0A Love That Multiplies.<\/a><\/p>\n Imagine that your parents are going to surprise you and give you a brand-new bike for Christmas. Two weeks before Christmas, they buy your bike and hide it in the storage shed in the backyard. But then the boy next door sneaks into the shed and borrows your new bike; he stunt-rides it up and down the back alley.<\/p>\n On Christmas morning your parents lead you out to the shed to reveal the special gift they bought for you, and as they open the door and say, \u2018Surprise!\u2019 they\u2019re just as surprised as you are. You\u2019re all shocked to see that the bike looks like it\u2019s been thrown off a cliff. The front fender is missing, and the front tire is warped so it rubs on the frame. It\u2019s dirty, the paint is all scratched and chipped, and the seat has a big rip in it. It looks worse than something you would have bought at a garage sale.<\/p>\n I\u2019m sure you would still be grateful for the bike, and you would have fun riding it, but it won\u2019t be in the condition your parents had hoped and dreamed it would be when you received it. You would miss out on a lot of the enjoyment they meant for you to have.<\/p>\n In that same way, we don\u2019t want any boy (or girl) to come and steal your purity.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n This<\/em>\u00a0is how the Duggars talk about purity.\u00a0This.\u00a0<\/em>Think you that if Jessa had had sex with a boyfriend at age 15, her parents would say that she was \u201cjust curious about boys\u201d? Um,\u00a0no!<\/em>\u00a0Honestly, of everything that was said over the past week, this is what gets me the most. The Duggars would make no excuses\u00a0should one of their children have premarital sex. And yet Josh molested his prepubescent sisters and suddenly it\u2019s all \u201che\u00a0was just curious about girls\u201d\u2014What?!<\/em><\/p>\n Jim Bob and Michelle did not allow Jill or Jessa to have any physical intimacy beyond side hugs with their beaus.\u00a0Side hugs.<\/em>\u00a0If they had caught the girls beaus simply\u00a0feeling them up,<\/em>\u00a0even over clothes,\u00a0all hell<\/em>\u00a0would have broken loose. \u201cI only touched her over her clothes\u201d would not have cut it. No, Derrick or Ben would have been out on their backside in an instant.<\/p>\n I mentioned this to my husband earlier today and asked him what he thought would have happened if the Duggar parents had found one Jill or Jessa making out with Derrick or Ben. He laughed, a bitter sort of laugh. He remembers. He and I went through\u00a0a \u201ccourtship\u201d of our own, and he remembers visiting me in my parents\u2019 home the summer after we began our relationship. We barely touched, so scrutinized we were by my parents. If they\u2019d caught us feeling each other up\u2014my god. It would have been catastrophic.<\/p>\n How can the Duggars condemn any physical contact beyond a side hug between an of-age dating couple, and at the same time proclaim to the world that Josh was \u201cjust curious about girls\u201d and it was no big deal really because he only touched his victims over their clothes, except when it was under their clothes but that was only for a few seconds? Can they not see the rank hypocrisy here?<\/p>\n As someone who went through a controlling and manipulative courtship process and then lived in fear that my mother would find out I was having sex during my engagement, I am utterly and completely appalled at how the Duggars have approached this whole mess. Appalled<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" As someone who went through a controlling and manipulative courtship process and then lived in fear that my mother would find out I was having sex during my engagement, I am utterly and completely appalled at how the Duggars have approached this whole mess. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[398,520,105,181,158],"class_list":["post-25817","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-duggars","tag-josh-duggar","tag-sex-2","tag-sexual-abuse","tag-the-duggars"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
\n\u2022 Decision making<\/span>
\n\u2022 Social relationships and sexual customs<\/span>
\n\u2022 Personal values and consequences of sexual behavior.<\/span>
\nSelf stimulation in private is expected to continue.<\/span>
\nGirls will begin menstruation; boys will begin to produce sperm.<\/span>
\nSexual experimentation between adolescents of the same age and gender is common.<\/span>
\nVoyeuristic behaviors are common in this age group.<\/span>
\nFirst sexual intercourse will occur for approximately one third of teens.<\/span><\/p>\n
\nSexual interest directed toward much younger children.<\/span><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n