{"id":27111,"date":"2015-11-03T05:01:56","date_gmt":"2015-11-03T09:01:56","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=27111"},"modified":"2015-11-02T21:16:39","modified_gmt":"2015-11-03T01:16:39","slug":"its-not-just-a-guy-thing-oh-wait-yes-it-is","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2015\/11\/its-not-just-a-guy-thing-oh-wait-yes-it-is.html","title":{"rendered":"It’s Not Just a Guy Thing—Oh Wait, Yes It Is"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

When I saw that a prominent Christian blogger, Tim Challies, had posted an article about sinning with your eyes titled It\u2019s Not Just a Guy Thing<\/a>, I was excited. Ever since the Victorian Era de-sexed women, evangelicals have generally positioned things the sin of\u00a0lust squarely in male territory. Now to be clear, I have a problem with this entire construction, and I don\u2019t believe visual sexual enjoyment is wrong\u2014though exploitation clearly is. But when I saw the article title, I expected to find some recognition that women, too, are sexual beings who experience sexual desire and sexual attractions just like me.<\/p>\n

And then I found myself severely disappointed.<\/p>\n

\n

Every guy has received a warning about \u201cthe second glance.\u201d Here\u2019s how it works: When you see an attractive woman, you are morally responsible for the second glance, not the first. Because you cannot help seeing what is there in front of you, the second glance is the one where you will display sin or virtue. It is here that you make the moral choice\u2014the choice to lust or the choice to direct your eyes and your thoughts to something that honors\u00a0God.<\/p>\n

I have never been completely comfortable with the second glance logic. More on that in a moment, but first we need to see that this is not only a guy\u00a0thing.<\/p>\n

Women can have the same issue or one that is very closely related. For some women the issue is identical\u2014looking with lust. For others it may be something else, such as alighting your eyes on someone who doesn\u2019t fit in and then allowing yourself condescending thoughts about her. It may be thinking unkind thoughts about the immodest woman or the too-modest woman or the woman whose children are dressed so perfectly or so imperfectly. Whether you are a man or woman, you will be tempted at times to allow your eyes to direct you to people who will then take your thoughts in unholy directions. It is a universal\u00a0problem.<\/p>\n

Back to the question: Is it only the second glance that counts? Yes and\u00a0no.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n

Wait\u2014wait\u2014wait<\/em>. This entire blog post is called It\u2019s Not Just a Guy Thing, and that is literally all we get on that topic? Really?! The entire rest of the post is about whether it\u2019s really only the second glance that counts! Sigh.<\/p>\n

Okay, first some background. I grew up in an evangelical home and, like (probably) most evangelicals, I was taught that guys couldn\u2019t help the first<\/em> glance at an immodestly dressed woman\u2014after all, how are you going to know she\u2019s there without looking at her\u2014so it was the second<\/em> glance that counted as a sin. Challeis is challenging that idea here, but, as he puts it, \u201cmore on that in a moment.\u201d<\/p>\n

Challeis titles his post It\u2019s Not Just a Guy Thing and states in the post that \u201cfirst we need to see that this is not only a guy thing.\u201d But in fact he touches on that only momentarily, mentioning that \u201cwomen can have the same issue or one that is very closely related\u201d and that \u201cfor some women the issue is identical\u2014looking with lust.\u201d But then he goes on to talk about women looking judgmentally at other women, and then states that being \u201ctempted at times to allow your eyes to direct you to people who will then take your thoughts in unholy directions\u201d is \u201ca universal problem.\u201d<\/p>\n

Challeis admits that some<\/em> women look with lust, but the actual equivalence he appears to be making when stating that \u201cit\u2019s not just a guy thing\u201d is between men looking at others with lust and women looking at others with judgement<\/em>. These are not the same things! At risk of stating the obvious, people of both<\/em> genders look at others with judgement and people of both<\/em> genders look at others with lust.<\/p>\n

As a slightly bisexual woman, let me tell you, I find lots<\/em> of people sexually attractive. And since evangelicals tend to define lust as \u201cdesiring sexually what God has forbidden<\/a>,\u201d i.e. being<\/span>\u00a0sexually attracted to someone who is not your spouse, well, that\u2019s lots<\/em> of lust. And you know what? The same is true of every woman I know<\/em>, with the exception of those who are asexual (and in case anyone is wondering, there are asexual men too).<\/p>\n

I expected to find an acknowledgement of this reality in Challeis\u2019 blog post, coupled of course with a strong dose of \u201cthis is wrong, do not do it,\u201d but no. Instead we get \u201cwomen totally judge other women and that\u2019s totes the same as men lusting after women.\u201d How about no.<\/p>\n

In the rest of his post, Challeis argues that rather than just thinking in terms of first glance\/second glance, it\u2019s important to think in terms of mindset. He argues that certain mindsets\u2014submitted to God v. discontent and grumbling\u2014make us more or less likely to take the second glance, and that these mindsets affect the first glance as well. Evangelicalism sometimes seems to focus on how to best make people feel constantly guilty, but honestly, my real gripe here is the false advertising\u2014the post is titled\u00a0It\u2019s Not Just a Guy Thing, but content\u00a0only reinforces a\u00a0gender binary.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I expected to find an acknowledgement of this reality in Challeis’ blog post, coupled of course with a strong dose of “this is wrong, do not do it,” but no. Instead we get “women totally judge other women and that’s totes the same as men lusting after women.” How about no. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[135,173],"class_list":["post-27111","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-evangelicalism-fundamentalism","tag-gender","tag-lust"],"yoast_head":"\nIt's Not Just a Guy Thing---Oh Wait, Yes It Is<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I expected to find an acknowledgement of this reality in Challeis' blog post, coupled of course with a strong dose of "this is wrong, do not do it," but no. 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