![\"\"](\"https:\/\/www.courtshipchallenge.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/08\/IMG_2235.png\")
<\/p>\nI\u2019ve run across a number of memes about what \u201creal men\u201d do. The most frequent seems to be that real men \u201cprotect\u201d women rather than abusing them. This meme has bugged\u00a0me because I\u2019d rather have a man\u2019s respect than his protection. On a whim, I went to google, typed in \u201creal men,\u201d and started scrolling through images. I found quite a number of these \u201creal men\u201d memes that were Christian-themed (most were probably created by evangelicals), and found myself cringing on a variety of levels.<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re like me, your social media feeds are probably filled with discussions of ISIS and refugees and epic battles between conservative friends and progressive friends. So today, let me offer you a break, such as it is. Let\u2019s look at some of the \u201creal men\u201d memes I found, and I\u2019ll take this opportunity to discuss some of the problematic aspects in evangelicals\u2019 approach to male-female relationships. Let\u2019s get started!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
And why do men need to lead women anywhere, pray tell? I think this is the biggest problem I have with Christian \u201creal man\u201d memes\u2014they all focus on male leadership. They don\u2019t treat women as people. Instead, women become objects to be protected, or cared for, or led here or there. What about \u201creal men listen to women\u201d? What about \u201creal men respect women\u2019s ability to make up their own minds\u201d? I could have stopped at \u201creal men respect women,\u201d but in Christian meme world that actually means \u201creal men don\u2019t have sex with women before they marry them,\u201d not \u201creal men listen to women and accept their decisions about their bodies and lives.\u201d<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/736x\/58\/4c\/36\/584c369b48ff57606b9a67a4b001ddf3.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
The problem with this meme is related to the problem with all of the memes about fathers and daughters. Men are supposed to be overly protective of their daughters, and controlling of their daughters, and possessive of their daughters\u2014or so the memes suggest.\u00a0It\u2019s as though their daughters are objects to be locked up or put on a shelf for looking at only. When was the last time you saw a meme where a father said he wanted his daughter\u2019s suiters to treat her with respect and let her make her own decisions and choices? That\u2019s right, never.<\/p>\n
And so here this meme is, suggesting that a \u201creal man\u201d should treat\u00a0his wife or girlfriend the way he would would want another man to treat his daughter. Given the way we talk about fathers and daughters in our society, this is extremely infantilizing. Respect for women as people disappears, swallowed up by a respect for women that is defined by their relationship to men.<\/p>\n
![\"\"](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/736x\/34\/af\/cc\/34afcca796338fbc52aff0afa1d8822f.jpg\")
<\/p>\n
I appreciate the assertion that woman was created from man\u2019s side \u201cto be equal,\u201d but nothing in the rest of the meme reflects this focus on equality. Instead there\u2019s a focus on women\u2019s tears<\/em>, because we all know women are delicate flowers who cry at the drop of a hat. And then there is a focus on women being created under man\u2019s arm, \u201cto be protected.\u201d Well guess what? A protector\/protected relationship is not equality<\/em>. Why not \u201ca real man gives women the tools they need to protect themselves\u201d? After all, if a woman must\u00a0rely on a man for protection, who will protect her from that man?<\/em><\/p>\n Let\u2019s talk about the stereotype of women crying easily for a moment. One thing I\u2019ve noticed is that sometimes women cry when they want to be heard but aren\u2019t being listened to<\/em>. Sometimes women cry\u00a0to get the attention of a man in their life because saying \u201cthis matters to me, please listen and take me seriously\u201d isn\u2019t enough. As a general rule, men don\u2019t tend to take women as seriously as they do other men. But when tears come\u2014then they listen. Then they realize shit<\/em>, this is serious, she really means this!<\/p>\n I\u2019m not saying that all women do this (they don\u2019t) or that this is what is happening every time a woman cries (it isn\u2019t). What I\u2019m saying is that I\u2019ve noticed a pattern where men refuse to pay attention to what a woman is saying until she cries, and then all of a sudden they realize it\u2019s important. But no, this meme can\u2019t be imposed upon to include any realization of this pattern. It\u2019s all \u201cbe careful\u00a0when you make a woman cry because God counts her tears\u201d rather than \u201ca real man listens to a woman and doesn\u2019t drive her to tears by refusing to take her concerns seriously.\u201d<\/p>\n Again with the protectors rhetoric\u2014and again I say, why not equip women to protect themselves?<\/em>\u00a0If a woman must always have a protector, she is vulnerable to abuse by that protector. If a woman is equipped to protect herself, she will\u00a0not have to depend on a fallible male to protect her. Seeing women as\u00a0beings that need protection gets in the way of seeing women as equals. Instead we are weaker vessels that need male protection\u2014and, presumably, male leadership, because\u00a0we apparently aren\u2019t capable of looking after ourselves.<\/p>\n Note too the use of the phrase \u201cour women.\u201d In this context, it denotes ownership.<\/p>\n Christian memes about \u201creal men\u201d often repeat traditional societal assumptions about male\/female relationships, such as the assumption that a man will pay for a woman\u2019s dinner on a date. Maybe it\u2019s just me, but I don\u2019t recall seeing that in the Bible, so it\u2019s worth noting that they\u2019re pulling things from cultural norms that date back to the Victorian Era and treating them as a sort of gospel truth. Either way, the wording in this meme\u2014\u201cpay for you,\u201d rather than the less confusing \u201cpay for your food\u201d or \u201cprovide for you\u201d\u2014is creepy.<\/p>\n While praying for a woman\u00a0doesn\u2019t have the same problematic aspects as the \u201cprotector\u201d rhetoric, I\u2019m curious about what rhetoric is to be engaged in these prayers. There\u2019s a difference between \u201cplease help Wendy today as she undergoes her performance review at work\u201d and \u201cplease help Wendy see that, as a woman, she needs to submit to my leadership\u201d or \u201cplease make Wendy realize that she shouldn\u2019t have stood up to me today.\u201d There\u2019s an assumption in these memes that prayer is always good, and a lack of understanding that there are certain sorts of prayer that can make a situation worse.<\/p>\n Here again we see the repetition of traditional patriarchal gender norms\u2014men are supposed to open doors and pay for their dates\u2019 food. Note also the last line, where men are presented as guides. Why does a woman need a guide, exactly? It is true that relationship partners influence each other\u2014as do individuals in other relationships\u2014but I\u2019m uncomfortable with the one-way nature of the phrase as used here and the centering of the idea of guiding, which suspects that one party must\u00a0lead and the other will naturally follow. Women aren\u2019t treated as independent entities who chose their own direction in these memes.<\/p>\n I could go on, but the memes have started to become repetitive. The same focus on protection and opening doors marches from meme to meme. In each meme, a focus on respect\u2014true respect, not simple sexual abstinence\u2014is glaringly absent. And this isn\u2019t only an evangelical thing\u2014secular memes about \u201creal men\u201d also tend to focus on protection and lack\u00a0any mention of respect. And that, quite frankly, is tragically sad.<\/p>\n But let\u2019s not leave off on a downer! Let me leave you with\u00a0this:<\/p>\n Note: This is all without even getting into what \u201creal men\u201d means. What\u2019s the alternative, \u201cfake men\u201d? Speaking of \u201creal men\u201d also ties into ideas of masculinity. Why not focus on how \u201cpeople\u201d should treat each other\u2014i.e. with compassion, respect, understanding\u2014rater than what \u201creal men\u201d should or should not do?\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" If you’re like me, your social media feeds are probably filled with discussions of ISIS and refugees and epic battles between conservative friends and progressive friends. So today, let me offer you a break, such as it is. Let’s look at some of the “real men” memes I found, and I’ll take this opportunity to discuss some of the problematic aspects in evangelicals’ approach to male-female relationships. Let’s get started!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,25,12],"tags":[129],"class_list":["post-27252","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-evangelicalism-fundamentalism","category-christian-patriarchy","category-purity","tag-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/736x\/1d\/74\/d8\/1d74d8d89da0e29bf3d85ea1dfcebb15.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/in1.ccio.co\/oD\/A7\/OB\/56948ec3ebbbc02a56475a651e59379e.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/236x\/13\/2e\/27\/132e277d47180e098d260607f8616816.jpg\")
<\/p>\n![\"\"](\"https:\/\/s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com\/736x\/36\/cd\/4b\/36cd4b004bcada39d7c5e74c0a61ffbe.jpg\")
<\/p>\n