{"id":27802,"date":"2016-01-18T09:44:49","date_gmt":"2016-01-18T13:44:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=27802"},"modified":"2016-01-26T22:21:05","modified_gmt":"2016-01-27T02:21:05","slug":"mary-lambert-and-the-ups-and-downs-of-being-a-survivor","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2016\/01\/mary-lambert-and-the-ups-and-downs-of-being-a-survivor.html","title":{"rendered":"Mary Lambert and the Ups and Downs of Being a Survivor"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In the time I\u2019ve spent around survivor communities, one thing I\u2019ve noticed is an alternating feeling of euphoria and despair. It is not uncommon for a person to feel they can take on the world one day and to feel like all they want to do is curl up and hide the next day. I\u2019ve watched this happen in various online communities as someone freshly liberated from an abusive home environment will post one day about how incredibly happy she is, as though she is floating, and the next day she\u2019ll post in tears, struggling with PTSD, fear, and self-doubt and asking if it ever gets better.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ve experienced this phenomenon myself.<\/p>\n

Anyway, I\u2019ve never seen this up and down illustrated so clearly as in two of the songs in Mary Lambert\u2019s 2014 album, Heart on My Sleeve<\/a>. These songs, Secrets<\/em> and Ribcage<\/em>, present the euphoria and devil-may-care attitude, on the one hand, and the desperate lows encountered as survivors of abuse or trauma on the other. Interestingly, they were intended that way.<\/p>\n

First, Lambert\u2019s\u00a0music video for Secrets. <\/em>You can\u00a0read the\u00a0lyrics\u00a0here<\/a>:<\/p>\n<\/iframe>\n<p>Here\u2019s <a href=\"http:\/\/www.thefader.com\/2016\/01\/11\/mary-lambert-ribcage-video\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">how Lambert\u00a0explains<\/a> the contrast between <em>Secrets<\/em> and <em>Ribcage<\/em>:<\/p>\n<blockquote>\n<p style=\"color: #222222;\">The genesis of \u201cRibcage\u201d was an interview that followed 2014 Grammy Awards, where Lambert performed her part in\u00a0<a style=\"color: #0d9bcf;\" href=\"http:\/\/www.thefader.com\/artist\/macklemore\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Macklemore<\/a>\u2018s \u201cSame Love.\u201d Soon after, she was blindsided on TV: \u201cI was asked without relevance or warning about my childhood abuse, as well as being raped in an army barracks as a teenager,\u201d the singer tells FADER in an email. \u201cI tried to respond as best I could, knowing that it was live television, but everything afterward was a blur. As soon as the cameras were off, I went into a full-blown panic attack. I didn\u2019t know it then, but this same situation would happen multiple times in the year.\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #222222;\">\u201cI questioned so much after that interview,\u201d Lambert continues. \u201cHave I done this to myself? Is this what happens when you are vulnerable and open? How do I take back control of the telling of my own story?\u201d<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #222222;\">\u201cI wrote \u2018Ribcage\u2019 because I was exhausted,\u201d she adds. \u201cI wrote it because my truth was hungover and needed a sarcastic joke. <strong>I wrote it because \u2018Secrets\u2019 was an optimistic version of vulnerability, and because self-empowerment doesn\u2019t always come wrapped in a bow.<\/strong> I will continue to talk about my own sexual trauma when I feel safe enough to, and when I\u2019m in control. I still believe in the power of vulnerability\u2014that openness is the key to empathy, and that empathy is the key to human connection.\u201d<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n<p style=\"color: #222222;\">You can read the lyrics for Ribcage\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.azlyrics.com\/lyrics\/marylambert\/ribcage.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">here<\/a>\u00a0and watch the music video below:<\/p>\n<p style=\"color: #222222;\"><iframe loading=\"lazy\" title=\"Mary Lambert - Ribcage ft. Angel Haze, K.Flay\" width=\"500\" height=\"281\" src=\"https:\/\/www.youtube.com\/embed\/vO-1to3nv6s?feature=oembed\" frameborder=\"0\" allow=\"accelerometer; autoplay; clipboard-write; encrypted-media; gyroscope; picture-in-picture; web-share\" referrerpolicy=\"strict-origin-when-cross-origin\" allowfullscreen><\/iframe><\/p>\n<p>I love this contrast because you almost can\u2019t believe the same person wrote and performed both songs. The one is so upbeat, so happy, and so peppy while the other is so sad and so dark. I find that extremely validating. In fact, I may start sending this pairing of videos to survivors I see going through this up and down. It\u2019s powerful. It\u2019s real. It\u2019s what vulnerability actually\u00a0feels like for so many of us.<\/p>\n<p>Since I\u2019m writing about Lambert, it\u2019s worth mentioning her background. In a 2012 blog post,\u00a0<a href=\"http:\/\/www.marylambertsings.com\/gay-christians-are-totally-okay-dog\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">Gay Christians Are Totally Okay, Dog<\/a>, Lambert wrote the following:<\/p>\n<blockquote><p>I grew up in a strict <a href='https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/library\/pentecostal' target='_blank'>Pentecostal<\/a> home. My parents would speak in tongues and were devout in prayer and we were at church 3-4 times a week. The church was known for ostracizing folks who were said to \u201cgo against God\u201d. After a traumatic upbringing, and having my family shunned from the church because of my parent\u2019s divorce, I was decidedly agnostic for many of my grade-school years.<\/p>\n<p>A friend brought me to an Evangelical church in high school, known as Mars Hill, where I fell in love with the music and the bands that played on Sunday evening. The pastor was funny, charismatic, and made the bible seem simple. I was sad that my gay friends were going to hell, but the pastor said that I could still be friends with them. \u201cLove the sinner, hate the sin\u201d was the accepted rhetoric. When I fell in love with my first girlfriend, I recognized my sin immediately. She was also Christian. When you\u2019re 17, and you feel like a freak already, and you\u2019re in love with a girl, and high school is a battlefield, you can\u2019t stand to let another part of your life down. I remember making a conscious effort to accept my sin. My recognition allowed me to repent daily. I prayed often, apologizing to God, but accepting that this is who I had always been and always would be. I still went to Mars Hill. I was never hated on, never felt rudeness from the community, but the sermons were difficult to hear.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n<p>You can read the rest of Lambert\u2019s post <a href=\"http:\/\/www.marylambertsings.com\/gay-christians-are-totally-okay-dog\/\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">here,<\/a>\u00a0but it shouldn\u2019t be at all surprising that I see Lambert as a kindred spirit. By now we\u2019re hopefully all familiar with Mars Hill, <a href=\"http:\/\/www.huffingtonpost.com\/2011\/10\/21\/mark-driscoll-masturbation_n_1023743.html\" class=\" decorated-link\" target=\"_blank\" rel=\"nofollow\">discredited evangelical pastor Mark Driscoll\u2019s former church<\/a>. I look forward to seeing where Lambert\u00a0goes from here and hope she has a long, fulfilling career.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>In the time I’ve spent around survivor communities, one thing I’ve noticed is an alternating feeling of euphoria and despair. It is not uncommon for a person to feel they can take on the world one day and to feel like all they want to do is curl up and hide the next day. I’ve watched this happen in various online communities as someone freshly liberated from an abusive home environment will post one day about how incredibly happy she is, as though she is floating, and the next day she’ll post in tears, struggling with PTSD, fear, and self-doubt and asking if it ever gets better.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":28079,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[322],"class_list":["post-27802","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-abuse"],"yoast_head":"\n<title>Mary Lambert and the Ups and Downs of Being a Survivor<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"In the time I've spent around survivor communities, one thing I've noticed is an alternating feeling of euphoria and despair. 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