{"id":284,"date":"2011-09-04T18:22:00","date_gmt":"2011-09-04T22:22:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/09\/men-and-women-in-christian-patriarchy-masters-and-slaves-or-equals\/"},"modified":"2012-09-18T10:33:20","modified_gmt":"2012-09-18T14:33:20","slug":"men-and-women-in-christian-patriarchy-masters-and-slaves-or-equals","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/09\/men-and-women-in-christian-patriarchy-masters-and-slaves-or-equals.html","title":{"rendered":"Men and Women in Christian Patriarchy: Masters and Slaves or Equals?"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

My parents always taught me that men and women were equal. Indeed, I was never made to feel inferior for being a woman. My parents taught me that men and women were different and had different roles to play, but that men and women and their roles were also equal and of equal worth.\u00a0The male role is to provide for his family and protect them, to engage in politics and spiritual warfare, to have a career and make the decisions for his family. The female role is to keep the house and home, raise and teach her children,\u00a0exercise\u00a0hospitality and offer service to others, and support her husband. I was taught that these two roles are equally important and that men and women were thus different, but equal.<\/p>\n

I was actually taught that this view is more positive toward women than is the feminist view that women should compete with men in the male sphere and abandon their God-given female sphere. After all, men only truly succeed when they remain within their sphere, and women only truly succeed when they remain within their sphere. I was told that feminism has twisted these spheres and jumbled the natural order of things, resulting in a world where men and women are lost and confused. In contrast, within their natural spheres men and women were equal and had equal roles.<\/a><\/p>\n

Except that this is a load of bull. How are men\u2019s and women\u2019s roles equal when women are told that they must always be under and obedient to male authority, be that a father or a husband? How are men\u2019s and women\u2019s roles equal when men are given the option of a myriad of different careers incorporating different interests and skills while women are shoehorned into homemaking? They aren\u2019t.<\/p>\n

I recently came across an article by Debi Pearl that illustrates this perfectly. For those of you who don\u2019t know, Debi Pearl wrote a horrible book called Created To Be His Helpmeet<\/a>, and then a similar but equally destructive volume called Preparing To Be A Helpmeet<\/a>, targeted to teenage girls. These books teach that wives are\u00a0always to obey their husbands,\u00a0period (okay, so she offers a few exceptions, such as if a husband is sexually abusing his children or if a husband tells his wife to watch porn with him). According to Debi, even questioning your husband\u2019s decision in a matter is a no-no. My mother keeps her copy of Created To Be His Helpmeet by her Bible.<\/p>\n

Almost at the very beginning of her article, \u201cLearning To Become A Multi-Colored Girl,\u201d<\/a> Debi reveals that all the talk about men\u2019s and women\u2019s roles being equal is nothing but rhetorical flourish:<\/p>\n

As Adam was created in God\u2019s image, Eve was created in Adam\u2019s image. God could have shaped two clay figures and breathed life into both, but he chose to take the woman from the man\u2019s own flesh and bone. I have come to see that tiered process as very significant, making it consistent with nature that the woman should be the helper in the chain of command.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I could stop here. Man was created for God, woman was created for man. This is not equal. You can dress it up in fancy language all you want, but you\u2019re not going to change the fact that you\u2019re essentially talking about servanthood here. The man belongs to God, the woman belongs to man.<\/p>\n

The whole premise of Debi\u2019s article is that women must shape themselves to their man and his needs \u2013 and she makes it clear that this is a one way process.<\/p>\n

God did not create women as he did men, strongly fixed in one type or another. Being created in the image of man, we are more muted and flexible in our types.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

You see? Man is fixed and set. Woman is muted and flexible, waiting for a man about whom to shape herself. What? This is like saying that men have characters and personalities, but that women are born empty, like clay to be shaped at the whims of men. Which is, by the way, exactly what Debi says next:<\/p>\n

The woman was called to be her man\u2019s helper, to fashion herself to be what he needs her to be.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Somehow, I\u2019m not seeing a lot of equality going on here\u2026 There is man, and then there is woman. Man is what really matters, and the woman lives only for the man. This is actually what Debi says outright in the introduction of her book \u2013 that woman was created\u00a0solely\u00a0for man, and that serving and helping him is her purpose in life. Debi continues:<\/p>\n

When a girl marries a man she becomes a new person. She becomes his bride, his woman, his helper. It is God\u2019s will that her life be fashioned to help him. If a girl comes into marriage knowing that she is equipped and appointed to be this one new person, then she can adapt and find fulfillment in her new self expression.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Again, man is fixed. Woman, in contrast, is but a possession of man. The woman\u2019s own character and personality do not matter; all that matters is that she fashion her life to help her man. Is the man called on to fashion his life to help his wife? NO. Man was created for God, and woman was created for man. Woman matters not, except to serve man.\u00a0Finally, Debi\u2019s advice for young unmarried women:<\/p>\n

Practice being flexible in your likes and dislikes, how you feel about things, and what you hope to accomplish. Start striving to shape your life to help others, and hide God\u2019s Words in your heart concerning becoming a wife. Lastly, make a written committment to honor the man God provides for you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Ah, so the woman\u2019s own likes and dislikes and feelings about issues or goals for the future do not matter. The woman is to adjust to the likes and dislikes and feelings about issues or goals for the future of her man. Also, don\u2019t be fooled. In Debi-speak, \u201chonor\u201d means \u201cobey.\u201d And what\u2019s with the \u201cwritten\u00a0commitment\u201d here? It sounds like a slavery contract to me.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

In her article, Debi explains how she would have been a completely different woman if she had married a factory worker instead of her husband, or if she had married a minister, or an Amish man. Her goal is to show how flexible women have to be, shaping themselves around their husbands and their husbands\u2019 needs. What Debi forgets is that her husband\u2019s life would have been completely different if he had chosen to be a factory worker, or a minister, or to become Amish.\u00a0This assumption that men are steady and know where they\u2019re going and that women are fluid and simply fill in the margin\u2019s of a man\u2019s life is crap. Everyone makes choices in life, and those choices affect who they are and where their lives will go. For example, my life would be very different if I had chosen to study law instead of getting my Ph.D. in a humanities field, or if I had gotten my degree in library science. But this is true for both men and women. Men and women are equally steady and flexible, having some character traits that don\u2019t change and others that evolve over time as life circumstances change. Debi doesn\u2019t seem to realize this.<\/p>\n

But more than that, Debi\u2019s article makes it clear that \u201cdifferent but equal\u201d is not equal. Men\u2019s role is to serve God, and women\u2019s role is to serve man. And it\u2019s not just Debi Pearl who believes this; rather, it is an idea universally held within Christian Patriarchy. And so I have to ask, how can men and women be equal if women were created to serve men? How can men and women be equal if men\u2019s role is to act in the world and women\u2019s role is to serve men? I don\u2019t understand how I didn\u2019t see this as a child or a teen. I totally bought the lie that men and women have separate but equal roles. I never felt pushed down as a woman. Rather, I prepared to excel within my female role, being the best I possibly good be and serving God by serving my husband. How was I so blind?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s not just me, though. This lie helps to keep women in the Christian Patriarchy movement,\u00a0persuading\u00a0them that they are not being treated as inferior, or being degraded or used. Indeed, they are convinced that their role as wife, mother, and homemaker is of equal worth and value to men\u2019s role as protector and provider, and work to excel within their role, for which they gain praise and admiration from their companions. By some slight of the hand, Christian Patriarchy convinces women to willingly and eagerly be\u00a0subservient\u00a0slaves while seeing themselves at the same time as being of equal value to their masters. You have to give some credit to the Christian Patriarchy movement: such a feat is as\u00a0mind-boggling\u00a0and impressive as it is horrifying and tragic.<\/p>\n

The standard defense of the idea that men\u2019s and women\u2019s roles are equal in spite of their differences that I have heard is that a man couldn\u2019t make it without his wife. This meant, somehow, that men\u2019s roles and women\u2019s roles were of equal worth, both necessary in building the Kingdom of God. Well, I have news for you. The plantation owners in the antebellum South could never have \u201cmade it\u201d without their slaves. That did not, however, mean that the slave owners and the slaves were \u201cequal.\u201d Rather, one side had all the power and the other all the drudgery.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

My parents always taught me that men and women were equal. Indeed, I was never made to feel inferior for being a woman. My parents taught me that men and women were different and had different roles to play, but that men and women and their roles were also equal and of equal worth.\u00a0The male […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[25],"tags":[155,135,106,62],"class_list":["post-284","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-christian-patriarchy","tag-debi-pearl","tag-gender","tag-marriage-2","tag-submission"],"yoast_head":"\nMen and Women in Christian Patriarchy: Masters and Slaves or Equals?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"My parents always taught me that men and women were equal. Indeed, I was never made to feel inferior for being a woman. 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