{"id":296,"date":"2011-08-22T16:52:00","date_gmt":"2011-08-22T16:52:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/08\/theyre-born-that-way\/"},"modified":"2012-08-07T21:46:37","modified_gmt":"2012-08-08T01:46:37","slug":"theyre-born-that-way","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2011\/08\/theyre-born-that-way.html","title":{"rendered":"They’re Born That Way"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>
Earlier today I came upon an excerpt from lawyer Rena Lindevaldsen\u2019s new book, <\/span>Only One Mommy. <\/span>In it, Lindevaldsen explains how people become gay. <\/span>\n

\u201cFor men with temperaments that predispose them to same-sex attractions, two key factors are (i) the lack of a strong father-son bond, and (ii) same-sex abuse as a child. For women, two key life factors are (i) the lack of a healthy relationship between mom and dad and (ii) sexual abuse (primarily opposite-sex) as a child.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

According to Lindevaldsen, children become gay because they had unhealthy relationships with their parents and\/or because they were sexually abused. This is the same logic I was taught as I grew up, the same logic put forward by James Dobson and others like him. <\/a>Lindevaldsen goes on to explain how this happens: <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cPicture for a moment, a boy who is artistic, sensitive, talkative, and, as is frequently the case, not very athletic. Now imagine that his father has made clear that he had dreamed of having a boy that would be a star athlete. At some point, in some way, the father conveys his disappointment to his son, either expressly or implicitly \u2013 perhaps the father doesn\u2019t spend time with this son or takes no interest in his son\u2019s more artistic interests. The son soon realizes that he hasn\u2019t lived up his father\u2019s expectations and that he\u2019s different (since the kids at school also make fun of his interests and personality.).\u201d <\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

So far, this story sort of makes sense. We can see the artistic young boy whose football tossing father doesn\u2019t appreciate him. We can even see him getting picked on at school for not being athletic enough, or not being macho enough. But what does this have to do with \u201cmaking\u201d someone gay? <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cIt doesn\u2019t take long before the son wishes he could be more like his father. Soon, the desire to be more like his father leads to the son idolizing other boys and men who have all the characteristics he believes that he is lacking. In essence, he idolizes all that he thinks he is not.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Well\u2026maybe. I have to say I find it difficult to believe that this boy would idolize those who are making fun of him and maybe even making his life a living hell. But then, I suppose plenty of girls hate what the popular girls do to those \u201cbeneath\u201d them and simultaneously want to be like them. So I guess it\u2019s totally possible. I\u2019m just saying that alternatively this boy could just hate his father for being a prick and not appreciating any abilities outside of football, and hate those bigger boys who pick on him. This is a minor point, though, because the real kicker comes next. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cAs he gets older, the feeling change from idolizing to a longing to be close with men \u2013 to be attracted to them. From the son\u2019s perspective, he hopes that having a sexual relationship with a man he perceives to be all that he is not will fill the void in his life, will make him feel whole, but it does not.\u201d<\/span><\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Um. WHAT? See, this is the problem here. This unappreciated artistic boy might want to be like his manly daddy or the more macho boys at school, but how the heck does that lead to him <\/span>being sexually attracted<\/span> to them? Here\u2019s an example. I greatly admire Natalie Zemon Davis, the preeminent medieval historian. However, that admiration does not make me get all wet between my legs. Admiring someone, wanting to be like them, does NOT cause one to have sexual feelings towards them. Period. <\/span> Regardless of what some religious leaders would have us believe, sexual feelings are not something we can change. We look at a picture of a fit man or woman and we are either sexually attracted to them or we are not. You can\u2019t change that, it\u2019s part of your biology. You\u2019re born with it. No amount of absent fathers is going to make a boy sexually attracted to other males. It doesn\u2019t work like that. <\/span> This was first driven home to me when I asked a gay friend I made in college (we\u2019ll call him Bob) how he realized he was gay. He told me that he literally never felt sexually attracted to girls. When he was around ten his friend shared one of his dad\u2019s porn magazines with him, and Bob felt nothing. He watched his friend leering over the naked photos, and realized that he was different. What they did for his friend, they didn\u2019t do for him. As he went through puberty and his friends all went crazy over girls, he didn\u2019t. Because he literally wasn\u2019t attracted to them. Bob\u2019s older brother noticed that he was different and hired a girl to seduce him in an effort to fix him. It didn\u2019t work, because it <\/span>couldn\u2019t <\/span>work. Bob had no sexual feelings toward this girl, none at all. Those feelings that all of his friends had toward girls \u2013 those sexual urges, longings, and rushes \u2013 he didn\u2019t have. Instead, he had those same feelings toward guys. <\/span> The bottom line is this: Who you are sexually attracted to is a product of your <\/span>biology<\/span>, not a product of your <\/span>upbringing<\/span>. Just like you can\u2019t change your skin color, even so you can\u2019t change your sexual orientation. <\/span><\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Earlier today I came upon an excerpt from lawyer Rena Lindevaldsen\u2019s new book, Only One Mommy. In it, Lindevaldsen explains how people become gay. \u201cFor men with temperaments that predispose them to same-sex attractions, two key factors are (i) the lack of a strong father-son bond, and (ii) same-sex abuse as a child. For women, […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40],"tags":[110],"class_list":["post-296","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-evangelicalism-fundamentalism","tag-lgbtq"],"yoast_head":"\nThey're Born That Way<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Earlier today I came upon an excerpt from lawyer Rena Lindevaldsen\u2019s new book, Only One Mommy. 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