For years\u00a0I prayed for a young man I had yet to meet: my daughter\u2019s husband. I asked the Lord to make him godly, kind, a great dad, and a good provider. I was proud of a wish list void of unrealistic expectations. After all, I knew not to ask for a college football quarterback who loved puppies, majored in nuclear rocket science, and wanted to take his expertise to the mission field. I was an open-minded mom.<\/p>\n
But God called my bluff.<\/p>\n
This white, 53-year-old mother hadn\u2019t counted on God sending an African American with dreads named Glenn.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Can we pause for a moment and remember that Bob Jones University didn\u2019t lift its ban on interracial dating until 2000? And can we remember that, particularly in the South, much of the opposition to interracial marriage came from fundamentalist Christians, who believed that \u201crace mixing\u201d was against the Bible? What we see here, of course, is both more benign than these examples, and also, I would argue, more common. It\u2019s also not limited to evangelicals.<\/p>\n
Have a look at this excerpt from the article:<\/p>\n
\nIt wasn\u2019t long ago that interracial marriage\u2014particularly a black man like Glenn marrying a white girl like Anna\u2014was considered the ultimate taboo in American white society. (In fact, it was\u00a0illegal in 16 states until 1967, when the\u00a0Supreme Court\u00a0ruled in\u00a0Loving v. Virginia<\/a><\/em>\u00a0that race-based restrictions\u00a0violated the Constitution\u2019s\u00a0Equal Protection Clause<\/a>. Hence the film releasing this fall,\u00a0Loving<\/em><\/a>.)\u00a0Though I never shared\u00a0this prejudice, I never\u00a0expected the issue to\u00a0enter my life.<\/div>\n<\/blockquote>\nToday, 87% of Americans approve of interracial marriage. See this graph:<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
But I suspect that\u00a0many\u00a0individuals who think<\/em>\u00a0they approve of interracial marriage, and would say<\/em> they approve of interracial marriage\u2014like Gaye Clark, the author of this Gospel Coalition article\u2014would respond differently if faced with the issue directly, in their own lives. Clark claims that she \u201cnever shared this prejudice,\u201d but her troubled reaction to her daughter\u2019s choice of a mate makes it clear that she did<\/em> share this prejudice\u2014she just didn\u2019t realize she did.<\/p>\n
I grew up in an educated upper middle class family.\u00a0I didn\u2019t realize I held class prejudice until one of my siblings married someone from a working class background, someone\u00a0with no college education and no expectations or plans of obtaining such education. I didn\u2019t respond to that situation by claiming that I had never held class prejudice, I just \u201cnever\u00a0expected the issue to\u00a0enter my life.\u201d Um, no. I didn\u2019t respond perfectly, and it took me time to realize that my priorities were askew, but I ultimately responded to the situation by admitting and naming my class prejudice,<\/em> and then taking steps to fix it. And you know what?\u00a0Denial doesn\u2019t help with that<\/em>.<\/p>\n
Anyway, Clark next adds a list of things parents who \u201cnever envisioned\u201d their children in \u201can interracial marriage\u201d should bear in mind if their \u201cwhite daughter brings a black man home for dinner.\u201d Let me just hit on a few of them.<\/p>\n
Glenn moved from being a black man to beloved son when I saw his true identity as an image bearer of God, a brother in Christ, and a fellow heir to God\u2019s promises.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
This from a woman who claims she never \u201cshared this prejudice.\u201d Um no, I\u2019m sorry, but if your daughter\u2019s beau being \u201ca black man\u201d is something you have to get over, something you have to find a way to see beyond, you hold some pretty serious racial\u00a0prejudice<\/em>. And completely unacknowledged, it appears.<\/p>\n
One woman in church looked over at Anna and Glenn and gingerly asked, \u201cAre they . . .\u00a0dating<\/em>?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cEngaged!\u201d I grinned and winked at them.<\/p>\n
She gave a pained smile, and then sighed and shook her head. \u201cIt\u2019s just . . . their future children. They have no idea what\u2019s ahead of them!\u201d<\/p>\n
I nodded. \u201cWhen Jim and I were married, we had no idea what was ahead of us either. I stopped believing the lie we could control our trials years ago.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Oh I see. So it\u2019s a-okay to take glee in\u00a0your daughter\u2019s interracial marriage shocking your fellow parishioners when you yourself<\/em> had to get over your daughter\u2019s fianc\u00e9\u2019s\u00a0race before you could welcome him. Nope<\/em>.<\/p>\n
Calling Uncle Fred a bigot because he doesn\u2019t want your daughter in an interracial marriage dehumanizes him and doesn\u2019t help your daughter either.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
I\u2019m sorry, but Uncle Fred is<\/em> a bigot. That\u2019s just how words work<\/em>. Using words accurately does not dehumanize people. Do you know what dehumanizes people? Racism<\/em>. And do you know what contributes to that dehumanization? Allowing your loved ones\u2019 racism to slide by because you\u2019re not willing to call them\u00a0out for it.<\/p>\n
Clark may feel comfortable around Uncle Fred, but has she even stopped to wonder\u00a0how comfortable her soon-to-be son-in-law feels around Uncle Fred? Or about how comfortable her future brown grandchildren will feel around their Great-Uncle Fred? It\u2019s far easier\u00a0to accommodate racists when you\u2019re not the one feeling the full force of their prejudice.<\/p>\n
Several people asked Anna and Glenn,\u00a0\u201cWhich world will you live in\u2014black or white?\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
The problem may be worse than I\u2019d thought.<\/p>\n
Before the wedding\u00a0I reached out to Glenn\u2019s mom, Felicia. As we sat and talked about our children, we realized we have similar hopes and dreams for them. As we share a common bond, I\u2019m hopeful Felicia can become a friend.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
So, honest question: Had\u00a0Clark ever met a black woman before? Actually, let me rephrase this: Had Clark ever had a black woman as a friend before? Because Clark\u2019s\u00a0surprise that Felicia has\u00a0the same hopes and dreams<\/em> for her son that she has for her daughter suggests that the answer to this question is no<\/em>. I mean, seriously? Clark\u00a0acts like she was surprised<\/em> to find that her daughter\u2019s black boyfriend\u2019s mother was a person she can relate to, a person like her. WTF is going on here?<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s be very clear here. In choosing to publish\u00a0this piece, the Gospel Coalition acknowledged\u00a0that prejudice against interracial marriage is a big enough problem in the evangelical community to need a rebuttal. After all, there\u2019s no need for Clark\u2019s list of things for parents to bear in mind if interracial marriage is no big deal in the first place<\/em>. There\u2019s only need for this list if, well, if there are still lots of evangelicals\u00a0like Clark out there\u2014individuals who fancy themselves not prejudiced when they are in fact definitely prejudiced<\/em>. I\u2019m seriously shaking my head over here.<\/p>\n
I have multiple friends who have personally experienced prejudice against interracial marriage within fundamentalist and evangelical communities. In telling their stories, they\u2019ve often had religious leaders or friends accuse them of imagining things. Oh no, they\u2019re told! Racism is a thing of the past! The church today doesn\u2019t see color! This article\u2014whether or not the Gospel Coalition realizes it\u2014is a serious validation of my friends\u2019\u00a0experiences. They aren\u2019t imagining a thing.<\/p>\n