How to Talk to a Woman Who Is Wearing Headphones<\/a>,\u00a0by self-proclaimed relationship expert Dan Bacon.<\/p>\nLet me start by saying that I could write the content for that article with one word: Don\u2019t<\/em>. Women who wear\u00a0headphones are doing so because they are listening to music or podcasts or what have you, and it is rude to interrupt (unless there\u2019s fire or blood or something like that, of course). In fact, some women wear headphones specifically to signal to men that they don\u2019t want to talk\u2014because yes, constantly getting chatted up by men on your commute, or your run, can get old.<\/p>\nLook, the other day the mom of one of my daughter\u2019s new friends at school, whom I haven\u2019t met, walked by my home. The family lives nearby and I want to get the mom\u2019s phone number so we can arrange playdates and such. But you know what? I did not go out and introduce myself because she was talking on the phone<\/em>. It would have been rude to interrupt. The same basic idea applies to someone wearing headphones\u2014they\u2019re already engaged, they\u2019re doing something, leave them alone<\/em>.<\/p>\nBut you probably don\u2019t need to be told that that is not what the article says.<\/p>\n
Check this out:<\/p>\n
Of course, not all women are open to being approached because not all women are single and looking.<\/p>\n
However, if a woman wearing headphones is single and hoping to meet a boyfriend (or even a new lover), she will usually be happy to take off her headphones to give you an opportunity to create a spark with her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
There\u2019s a\u00a0pretty big\u00a0assumption at work here\u2014that being\u00a0single and interested in meeting a new boyfriend\u00a0correlates strongly with being okay with being interrupted by a stranger while wearing headphones. This is absolutely not a safe assumption. There are plenty of women who are really interested in their music\/podcasts and honestly don\u2019t want to be taken away from it. There are plenty of women who have had bad experiences being chatted up by strange men and would prefer to meet a new boyfriend\u00a0through acquaintances or common interests. And there are plenty more women who are tired and on their way home from work, or zoning out during a run, and wearing headphones in part to keep people from talking to\u00a0them.<\/p>\n
And have a look at the assumptions at play here:<\/p>\n
Her taking off her headphones doesn\u2019t always mean that she is super interested and wants you to ask for her number or anything serious like that. Sometimes, it\u2019s simply a cause of her being open to what you\u2019ve got to say and to then see where it goes.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Look, I\u2019ve been the rude interrupting person before. I once asked a woman on a train where she\u2019d gotten something\u2014maybe a coat?\u2014and the look on her face as she took off her headphones was something I\u2019ll never forget. She wasn\u2019t glaring;\u00a0she was simply annoyed, and also confused\u2014why was I talking to her when she had headphones on? She\u2019d been in her zone! She took them out not because she was \u201copen\u201d to what I had to say but rather because that\u2019s what you do when you\u2019re wearing headphones and someone tries to get your attention<\/em>. I felt terrible, I apologized, and I haven\u2019t interrupted someone wearing headphones since.<\/p>\nBut that\u2019s not all that\u2019s going on here. Bacon also makes a habit of moving the goalposts. After giving\u00a0a lengthy example of how a man might go about chatting up a woman wearing headphones, he writes this:<\/p>\n
It\u2019s just two, normal human beings having a conversation that either leads to a phone number exchange or not.<\/p>\n
Nothing wrong with that.<\/p>\n
If anyone has a problem with that, you\u2019re barking up the wrong tree. I will never back down from the fact that it\u2019s perfectly normal for a man and a woman to talk to each other.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
No one has a problem with two human beings having a conversation<\/em>. It is indeed perfectly normal<\/em> for a man and a woman to talk to each other! But you know what is not<\/em> normal? A man coming up to a woman wearing headphones in a public place and interrupting her! Not only is that not normal, it\u2019s downright rude<\/em>. Just because it\u2019s normal for a man and woman to talk to each other does not mean that men should interrupt women who are clearly otherwise engaged (or indeed, approach women on the street at all\u2014but more not hat later).<\/p>\nBacon advises his readers to interrupt beheadphoned women as follows:<\/p>\n
Stand in front of her (with 1 to 1.5 meters between you).<\/p>\n
Have a confident, easy-going smile and say,\u00a0\u201cHey, how\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0to start a conversation with her.<\/p>\nMost women are polite and friendly and will take off their headphones to talk to you at that point, so just start talking and have a conversation with her.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Notice that it is \u201cpolite and friendly\u201d for women to take their headphones off and talk to a strange man trying to get their attention. So if a man tries to get a beheadphoned woman\u2019s attention and she refuses to give him the time of day, she\u2019s<\/em> the one being rude.<\/p>\nHowever, if she hasn\u2019t looked at you or hasn\u2019t noticed you yet, simply get her attention with a wave of your hand.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Yes, really.<\/p>\n
Wave your hand in her direct line of vision so she can see it and say,\u00a0\u201cHey, how\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0She most likely won\u2019t hear you say those words is she\u2019s listening to music, but it\u2019s just a way of showing her that you\u2019re trying to talk to her.<\/p>\nShe will most likely take off her headphones to talk to you when you say,\u00a0\u201cHey, how\u2019s it going?\u201d<\/em>, but if she doesn\u2019t, just smile, point to her headphones and confidently ask,\u00a0\u201cCan you take off your headphones for a minute?\u201d<\/em>\u00a0as you pretend to be taking headphones off your head, so she fully understands what you mean.<\/p><\/blockquote>\nYes, really!<\/em><\/p>\nThen, go ahead and have a conversation with her.<\/p>\n
Of course, if you notice that she doesn\u2019t want to take off her headphones and doesn\u2019t seem interested in talking to you at all, just respect that and leave the interaction without trying to talk to her any further.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
Pray tell me, how is a man to notice that a woman doesn\u2019t want to talk to him \u2018t Bacon is advising him to wave and talk loudly and mime at them if they don\u2019t take their headphones off after the initial attempt? Newsflash: That woman your think hasn\u2019t heard you yet is ignoring you because she\u2019s wearing headphones and doesn\u2019t want to talk to anyone. And she\u2019s probably feeling really awkward, and you should definitely stop.<\/p>\n
Now let\u2019s talk about Bacon\u2019s example. He has his male character say this:<\/p>\n
Hey \u2013 I know it\u2019s not normal for people to talk to someone with headphones in, but I was walking along and saw you and thought \u2013 wow, she\u2019s hot, I have to come over and say hi. I\u2019m Dan, what\u2019s your name?<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
And also this:<\/p>\n
Cool\u2026nice to meet you Jessica. I don\u2019t normally talk to girls with headphones on, but your big green headphones were just calling out to me.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
First, most women don\u2019t want strange men walking up to them in public places and telling them they\u2019re hot. Not okay<\/em>. Second, is it just me or is Bacon\u00a0encouraging men to lie to the women they\u2019re trying to ask out? After all, he\u2019s advising men to make a practice of interrupting women with headphones on, so what\u2019s with this \u201cI don\u2019t normally talk to girls with headphones on\u201d bit?<\/p>\nAnd would you like\u00a0to know one of the \u201ccommon mistakes\u201d Bacon says men make when interrupting women wearing headphones? Giving up too easily<\/em>.<\/p>\nSome women wear headphones because they don\u2019t want guys or anyone else to speak to them, so if you try to talk to a woman and she clearly shows that she\u2019s not interested in talking to you, just respect that and walk away.<\/p>\n
However, sometimes a woman will be interested in talking to a guy, but she won\u2019t immediately pull out her headphones and show interest. Why?<\/p>\n
Some women like to test to see how confident a guy is by ignoring his attempts to converse with her and then seeing what he does next.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n
How the hell are women to let\u00a0men know they\u2019re actually not interested?<\/em>\u00a0Bacon is advising\u00a0his readers to\u00a0consider that a beheadphoned woman who ignores them may actually want them to try harder, rather than just wanting to be left alone<\/em>.<\/p>\nAt core, I\u2019m\u00a0baffled by Bacon\u2019s belief\u2014common with \u201cpick-up artist\u201d types\u2014that striking up random conversation on the street is the way to meet a new girlfriend (or lover). In my experience, people tend to meet their partners through friends or through shared activities, not randomly on the street. Why don\u2019t pick-up artists advise men to follow their hobbies, invest in their friends, and focus on meeting new people with shared interests rather than random hot chicks on the sidewalk?<\/p>\n
One last thing. I showed this article to a friend who regularly rides the train to work. Her response? \u201cI wear headphones all the time, usually with nothing playing on them, specifically as a sign DONT TALK TO ME.\u201d So yeah. Let us ride the train in peace.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I recently came upon an article titled How to Talk to a Woman Who Is Wearing Headphones, by self-proclaimed relationship expert Dan Bacon. Let me start by saying that I could write the content for that article with one word: Don’t. Women who wear headphones are doing so because they are listening to music or podcasts or what have you, and it is rude to interrupt (unless there’s fire or blood or something like that, of course). In fact, some women wear headphones specifically to signal to men that they don’t want to talk—because yes, constantly getting chatted up by men on your commute, or your run, can get old.<\/p>\n
Click through to read more!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":30227,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-30225","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\n
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