If you\u2019ve been watching the CW\u2019s third season of Jane the Virgin this fall, you know that Jane is a virgin no more. I\u2019ve been meaning to write about the episode in which Jane\u2014I hate the terminology here, \u201cgives up her virginity\u201d implies something was lost but \u201cbecomes sexually active\u201d isn\u2019t as clear as it should be\u2014but to be perfectly honest, I probably should have written about this show long before this moment.<\/p>\n
I\u2019ve been watching the CW\u2019s Jane the Virgin since the first season was released on Netflix. I was cautious, initially. I was raised in a conservative evangelical community that tied women\u2019s value to their virginity. That was not a healthy approach, to say\u00a0the least, and I\u2019ve spent years overcoming the negative effects virginity-centered purity culture had on my sex life\u2014even after I was married<\/em>.<\/p>\n I gave the show a very tentative try\u2014and immediately loved it.<\/p>\n The show centers on three generations of women living together in the same home: Jane, a college student still living at home; Xo, her single mother; and Alba, Xo\u2019s mother, called Abuela by nearly every other character. Alba\u00a0is a devout Catholic who uses manipulative imagery to urge\u00a0Jane to remain a virgin until marriage. Alba\u00a0gives Jane a flower, and explains that having sex before marriage would be like crumpling that flower. This is a terrible<\/em> metaphor.<\/p>\n I would likely have found this show very uncomfortable to watch, given my background, if it were not for several mitigating factors. First, while the show\u2019s portrayal of Alba\u00a0is sympathetic, you never get the sense the producers either\u00a0endorse or approve of\u00a0her urging. This is not a moralistic fable designed to promote virginity until marriage as an ideal to aspire to, and Alba herself is a\u00a0flawed\u00a0character.<\/p>\n Second, Jane\u2019s mother, Xo, who also lives in the household, is both single and openly sexually active. There is tension between Xo and Alba, but Alba\u00a0neither disowns Xo nor throws her out of the house. Xo presents Jane with an alternative approach\u00a0from that presented by Alba. In other words, celibacy until marriage and sex positivity are actively represented in the household as models for Jane.<\/p>\n Third, Jane is allowed to spend time alone with her boyfriends without being subject to guilt, manipulation,\u00a0or monitoring, and she\u00a0does not have a problem with heavy doses of making out (something that was verboten in my own upbringing). There is none of the control or surveillance surrounding Jane that there was surrounding dating and physical contact in my parents\u2019 household.<\/p>\n Have a look at this excerpt from the pilot episode:<\/p>\n