{"id":33081,"date":"2017-05-30T05:03:54","date_gmt":"2017-05-30T09:03:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=33081"},"modified":"2017-06-02T11:19:31","modified_gmt":"2017-06-02T15:19:31","slug":"evangelicals-obsession-with-sex","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html","title":{"rendered":"Evangelicals Are the Ones Obsessed with Sex"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In an effort to deflect accusations that his patriarchal teachings give shield to abuse, Wilson has been writing a series of letters to Gabrielle, a fictional survivor of sexual abuse perpetrated by her father. In one of the most recent installments<\/a>, Wilson gives Gabrielle advice on handling relationships during college. His advice\u00a0included this cringeworthy passage:<\/p>\n

Whether or not you\u00a0feel<\/em>\u00a0that way on any given day, you are a beautiful girl. And others will notice this, whether or not you are noticing it. Boys\u00a0will<\/em>\u00a0start coming around. And\u2014here is the Dutch uncle part\u2014you have to recognize that when young men are singling you out, paying you focused attention, one of two things is happening. I am not talking about if a guy says\u00a0hi<\/em>\u00a0to you in passing, or if another guy holds a door for you going into the Student Union. I am talking about if he is paying you guy\/girl attention.\u00a0Either<\/em>\u00a0he is trying to figure out a way of getting you into bed dishonorably,\u00a0or<\/em>\u00a0he is trying to figure out how to do it honorably.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019ve seen this same basic idea suggested over and over and over<\/em> again. Indeed, I heard it growing up\u2014I was told that \u201cboys are only interested in one thing\u201d before I even knew what that one thing was<\/em>. Believe me, it\u00a0was confusing!<\/em>\u00a0It also does not reflect my experience in college, or with my husband.<\/p>\n

Sure, there are one-night stands where the physical attractiveness of the other party is ostensibly the only factor of importance. But relationships typically involve far more than sex. They\u2019re based on shared interests, compatibility, life goals, and so forth.\u00a0I initially got to know my now-husband through long discussions of politics and religion during college. We were both intellectual, and never seemed to run out of subject matter.\u00a0Would Wilson seriously suggest that all of this was simply an elaborate pretext to bed me?<\/p>\n

Evangelicals often\u00a0decry the \u201csex obsessed\u201d world, but frankly, they\u2019re the most sex obsessed group I\u2019ve ever come in contact with.\u00a0The sex drive is, yes, strong and important and not to be discounted. But men and women are capable of approaching each other as people<\/em>, and not simply as objects of sexual desire.\u00a0Not all men are as shallow as those Wilson has had the misfortune of knowing.<\/p>\n

Growing up, I was told not only that boys only think about one thing, but also that once they got what they were after, they\u2019d leave.\u00a0If I wanted a guy to marry me, and not just hang around for the benefits and then take off, I had to withhold sex until marriage. It wasn\u2019t until years later that I realized how horrifying this line of thought is\u2014who would want to be married to a man who only married her so that he could get under her skirt? And what kind of message does that send about relationships?<\/p>\n

Promoters of abstinence frequently speak about pheromones. The idea is that unmarried couples who are having sex with each other are in some sense bonded. When I was engaged to my now-husband, my disapproving parents told me I was incapable of making a good decision because\u00a0I was blinded by love,<\/em>\u00a0but what they really meant was lust<\/em>. It wasn\u2019t that they thought I was having sex, it was that they believed I was blinded by my feelings. What is the solution, then? Arranged marriage?<\/p>\n

My sister approached me, years ago, asking me if I didn\u2019t think that early marriage (say, age 18, 19) was perhaps a good idea, because waiting to have sex until marriage was otherwise so difficult and impractical. At the time, I rather agreed with her\u2014it made sense. Today, all I can think about are the negative consequences of this obsession with sex and love affair with abstinence.<\/p>\n

If young people are likely to make unwise decisions about love and marriage due to their hormones\u2014and if bedding girls is\u00a0really is the only thing guys are thinking about when they approach them romantically\u2014doesn\u2019t it make more sense to allow premarital sex and encourage young people to put off their decisions about marriage until they find someone they want to marry for reasons of companionship, support, and shared interests and purpose, rather than sex?<\/p>\n

What a toxic soup.<\/p>\n

I have a <\/b>Patreon<\/b><\/a>! Please support my writing!<\/b><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was told that “boys are only interested in one thing” before I even knew what that one thing was. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":33106,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[40,12],"tags":[105],"class_list":["post-33081","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-evangelicalism-fundamentalism","category-purity","tag-sex-2"],"yoast_head":"\nEvangelicals Are the Ones Obsessed with Sex<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Growing up, I was told that 'boys are only interested in one thing' before I even knew what that one thing was.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Evangelicals Are the Ones Obsessed with Sex\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Growing up, I was told that 'boys are only interested in one thing' before I even knew what that one thing was.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2017-05-30T09:03:54+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-06-02T15:19:31+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2017\/05\/kiss-2277803_1920.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"1196\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"804\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html\",\"name\":\"Evangelicals Are the Ones Obsessed with Sex\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2017-05-30T09:03:54+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-06-02T15:19:31+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"Growing up, I was told that 'boys are only interested in one thing' before I even knew what that one thing was.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2017\/05\/evangelicals-obsession-with-sex.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"Evangelicals Are the Ones Obsessed with Sex\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. 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