A recent Harper\u2019s Bazaar article bore the headline \u201cWhy Conservative Women Are Ok with Harassment<\/a>.\u201d My initial reaction was denial, but on reflection, I told my initial reaction to GTFO. There\u2019s something very real going on here.<\/p>\n In the article, Jennifer Wright offers several examples:<\/p>\n This week, we learned that women in the GOP seem to think that it\u2019s very common for men to commit sexual assault. In a CNN <\/em>clip<\/a> showing various GOP women talking about Kavanaugh, one remarked, \u201cWhat high school boy didn\u2019t do this?\u201d<\/p>\n \u2026<\/p>\n In 2016, after Trump was caught on tape laughing about grabbing women by the pussy, in a since-deleted post, Sarah Palin wrote<\/a>, \u201cGive me a break. Hillary feigns outrage over Trump\u2019s locker room trash talk. It IS trash\u2014however, as a former sports reporter I\u2019ve heard much worse in locker rooms.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Wright asks why these conservative women\u2019s reaction isn\u2019t rage<\/em>. If attempted rape and jokes about sexual assault really are so common that you can almost imagine them adding a #yesallmen hashtag, why aren\u2019t they up in arms to change this?<\/p>\n [T]hese women appear to be engaged in a campaign to make the world worse for themselves. It\u2019s deeply counterintuitive. It\u2019s like seeing someone get punched and shouting, \u201cthis is fine, because I have experienced harder punches.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n How does Wright explain this response?<\/p>\n [A] lot of women brought up with very traditional values have learned to tolerate a great deal of bad behavior from men. In part, that\u2019s because they\u2019re told to see themselves as existing in relation to men\u2014they\u2019re a wife, or mother, or daughter before they\u2019re simply \u201ca human being worthy of respect.\u201d<\/p>\n If the way you have worth amidst a group is to exist in relation to a man, then one way you can ensure that you are well liked by men is to set your expectations of male behavior so low they\u2019re essentially non-existent. A man commits adultery? No big deal. He brags about sexual assault? That\u2019s fine. Maybe it\u2019s even something you say you\u2019re into, like the woman who defended<\/a> Trump\u2019s comments about sexual assault by saying, \u201cOkay, No. 1, I think that\u2019d be great. I like getting groped!\u201d<\/p>\n Doing so indicates that men (the really important people in the world) can totally come hang out with you, because you\u2019re fun. You\u2019re a cool girl. Not like those mean feminists.<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n Sure, that may be a piece of it, but I think there\u2019s a lot more going on here. A lot<\/em> more.<\/p>\n Most conservatives, including both those who are and are not religious, tend to embrace the idea that men and women are extremely divergent in an underlying biological way, and that their roles in life are different as well.<\/p>\n It may seem odd that this idea is embraced not only by religious conservatives, such as evangelicals, but also by those who are secular. Part of the reason for that may be a knee-jerk response to the connection between feminism and the Left; part may be the conservative embrace of the past, and of maintaining the traditional, and what has been.<\/p>\n What do these divergent gender roles look like? Simply put, men are expected to be aggressive, sexual, and dominating. Women are expected to be demure, attractive, and accommodating. This isn\u2019t to say that women can\u2019t get to the top in conservative circles\u2014they can and they do. But they have a specific femininity playbook they follow while doing so.<\/p>\n Many conservatives see being sexually aggressive as simply part of being masculine. Men are supposed<\/em> to push. Sure, there are lines they\u2019re still not supposed to cross. Violently<\/em> raping someone? Nope. But grabbing a woman\u2019s ass? Who can blame the guy? It\u2019s in a man\u2019s DNA to appreciate beautiful women. It\u2019s in a man\u2019s DNA to be assertive and make a move. There are some things that should just be overlooked. Would you ask a crocodile not to have sharp teeth?<\/p>\n It becomes the role of women to navigate around men and their aggressiveness and their assertive sexuality\u2014and many conservative women take pride in their ability to effectively do so, while maintaining their femininity.<\/p>\n Take these comments by Dennis Prager<\/a>, for instance:<\/p>\n When my wife was a waitress in her midteens, the manager of her restaurant grabbed her breasts and squeezed them on numerous occasions. She told him to buzz off, figured out how to avoid being in places where they were alone and continued going about her job. That\u2019s empowerment.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n That\u2019s empowerment.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n In a very real sense, Megan Kelly broke the code when she went public with allegations of sexual harassment against Fox News CEO Roger Ailes. When Kelly told a supervisor<\/a> about it, years before going public, the supervisor told her to protect herself by avoiding being around Ailes. At the time, she says, she thought it was good advice. It was the Dennis Prager response\u2014that\u2019s just how guys are; empowered women navigate around them<\/em>. And so she did, for a long time.<\/p>\n Men will be men, after all. Women should respond by being women\u2014by staying out of the way of certain men to protect themselves, or by using their \u201cfeminine wiles\u201d to manipulate the men around them in order to get what they want. Rather than expecting men to improve their behavior, conservatives frequently expect women<\/em> to change theirs<\/em>.<\/p>\n Kelly might never have come forward if Gretchen Carlson hadn\u2019t first. Carlson came forward because, she said, she\u2019d been fired by Fox News because she would not accept Roger Ailes\u2019 advances. Carlson no longer has a job in conservative news media. She broke the code\u2014or did she only come forward because she had decided she was ready for a different career?<\/p>\n Remember that thing about \u201cfeminine whiles\u201d? There\u2019s a belief in conservative circles that women use sex to get ahead\u2014that what may look like sexual harassment by a male boss to feminists may actually be a woman trying to get ahead. Men may be sexually aggressive because they are male, but women, for their part, use their looks and \u201cfeminine wiles\u201d to get ahead. Is one really better than the other? In each case, they use their masculinity or femininity to get what they want.<\/p>\n And then there\u2019s the idea that being groped just means you\u2019re pretty. You should take it as a compliment when men catcall you! Some people\u2014disproportionately in conservative circles\u2014actually believe that. Men are expected to express their appreciation for women; women are expected to put up with it. Here Wright\u2019s discussion comes into play\u2014conservative women are expected to be the \u201ccool girl\u201d and not make a fuss. You wouldn\u2019t want to be labeled a troublemaker.<\/p>\n And besides, if you play your cards right, if you\u2019re the \u201ccool girl\u201d all the men like to hang out around, you just might be able to work yourself into a career like that. Look sweet, dress sexy, be accommodating. Lather, rinse, repeat.<\/p>\n Next let\u2019s turn to religious conservatives. I\u2019m going to focus particularly on the sort of conservative evangelicals who comprise the Christian Right. Like their more secular counterparts, these conservatives believe that men and women have very different roles.\u00a0Conservative evangelicals, however, believe that women should not work outside the home to begin with. They also believe that all sexual contact outside of marriage is sin.<\/p>\n Among conservative evangelicals, sexual harassment is often framed as the woman\u2019s fault. If she didn\u2019t want to be whistled to in the street, she shouldn\u2019t have worn that outfit. If she didn\u2019t want to have sex with her boyfriend, she shouldn\u2019t have changed into pajamas. If she didn\u2019t want to be sexually harassed by her boss, she shouldn\u2019t have taken a job outside of the home. Men are sexual beings. Yes, Christian men are expected to deny their urges\u2014but Christian women need to help them by not being available<\/em>, and non-Christian men can\u2019t be expected to act with restraint from the outset.<\/p>\n Conservative evangelicals are not okay<\/em> with sexual harassment, in a strict sense. They do, however, accept it as a fact of life. It\u2019s how men are wired. This is a fallen world. The correct response, for women, is to protect yourself\u2014and the men around you. Dress modestly. Don\u2019t go to bars. Marry, and be a homemaker.<\/p>\n The world is a dangerous place for women. Nothing short of converting the unsaved masses will fix that\u2014sexual harassment isn\u2019t something you can educate<\/em> men out of. Of course, even in a world where all men are believers, women shouldn\u2019t dangle things in front of men, because even Christian men are wired just so. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.<\/p>\n Be careful. Boys are only after one thing<\/em>. As a preteen I\u2019d already gotten this message loud and clear\u2014boys are only after one thing\u00a0<\/em>was drilled into my head\u2014but I knew nothing about sex.\u00a0I used to wonder\u2014what is the \u201cone thing\u201d boys are after? It terrified me, because of how it was stated. I was homeschooled, I only knew other homeschooled evangelical boys, and still\u2014boys are only after one thing.<\/em> Dress modestly. Stay under your father\u2019s protection. That will keep you safe<\/em>.<\/p>\n Women who dress like \u201ctramps\u201d and end up raped or groped\u2014what did they expect would happen? They should have stayed in the home. They should have dressed like \u201cvirtuous\u201d women. Women in the workplace who get sexually harassed? What were they wearing? Did they put themselves out there? Why weren\u2019t they at home, tending to children?<\/p>\n And, at a deep, fundamental level: Women aren\u2019t supposed to be in the workplace at all<\/em>. That is the men\u2019s<\/em> world. Women\u2019s world is the home, the family, the community. Sexual harassment in the workplace may not be a good<\/em> thing, but it\u2019s to be expected. Men are wired that way, after all. Women need to change their own actions to accommodate.<\/p>\n It\u2019s not just conservative evangelical men who believe these things\u2014it\u2019s women too. Conservative evangelical women are raised to blame themselves when something happens. A man whistles at you on the street? Cue immediate reevaluation of the clothes you\u2019re wearing. Your boss makes a move? You\u2019re not really supposed to be in the workplace anyway. Why are you putting yourself there, in front of him, day after day? Maybe you were too forward? Did you lead him on?<\/p>\n Change your clothes. Change your actions. Quit your job and stay home, where you\u2019re safe. And above all, don\u2019t blame the men. That\u2019s just how they\u2019re wired. It\u2019s your job to say no, to dress modestly, to remove yourself from a situation.<\/p>\n In a very real sense, then, Wright is correct\u2014conservative women are<\/em> okay with harassment. Both secular and religious conservative women alike accept sexual harassment as a fact of life\u2014as something they can\u2019t change, something that will never change, something that women must instead navigate around. After all, men are wired that way.<\/p>\n I have a <\/b>Patreon<\/b><\/a>! Please support my writing!<\/b><\/p>\n \u00a0<\/p>\n\n