{"id":4102,"date":"2012-05-18T08:00:38","date_gmt":"2012-05-18T12:00:38","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=4102"},"modified":"2012-08-07T22:23:55","modified_gmt":"2012-08-08T02:23:55","slug":"the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html","title":{"rendered":"The Purity Culture’s Guinea Pigs: Its Daughters"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

A reader named Carol left the following comment on one of my posts<\/a> regarding purity balls, purity rings, and the like:<\/p>\n

These moms and dads obviously were not raised this way, did not start believing in this claptrap until they had daughters, they have absolutely zero proof that staying pure, I mean, not even holding hands? until marriage ensures a successful marriage. I won\u2019t even say happy because that seems beside the point. And apparently, their marriages are successful anyhow, in spite of their pasts, at least some of them. These girls are locked up in their towers because the dads are trying a \u201cdo as I say not as I did\u201d experiment on them.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This is so true. My parents weren\u2019t raised on purity balls, purity rings, and the like. They weren\u2019t taught to save their first kiss for the altar, and they had never heard of such a thing as a parent guided courtship. They dated in high school, and in college without parental supervision of any kind. And you know what? With the exception of trying to force themselves into gender roles that frequently don\u2019t fit very well, they have to all appearances a pretty good marriage. And since they still kiss in the kitchen, their love life seems fine as well.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m willing to bet that the same is true of the vast, vast majority of parents now trying so conscientiously to raise their daughters in the purity culture. They talk about helping their daughters avoid the \u201cmistakes\u201d they themselves made, but they have no proof that the sort of extreme purity they push, both physical and emotional, will actually lead to healthy marital relationships. Their daughters are essentially guinea pigs in a grand experiment.<\/p>\n

And I was one of those guinea pigs.<\/p>\n

Imagine my surprise when I found, after marrying, that I regret not having dated<\/a>. Or that I regret not having sexual experience<\/a>. Imagine my surprise when I found that the purity culture resulted in me struggling with sexual dysfunction<\/a>. Or when I realized that my husband and I have sexual\u00a0compatibility\u00a0issues<\/a>. Or when I found that fostering a good marital relationship required so much more than coming into marriage as a virgin<\/a>.<\/p>\n

I was told that the purity culture would save me from pain and put me on the path to the most perfect, glorious fairy tale marriage I could imagine. That if I wore my purity ring, curbed every sexual thought, and refrained from kissing until the alter I would live happily ever after. But these promises aren\u2019t based on data or experience. What I didn\u2019t realize growing up was that I was in the middle of an experiment, an experiment fraught with problems and laced with pitfalls, an experiment that would leave me\u00a0disillusioned\u00a0and confused.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A reader named Carol left the following comment on one of my posts regarding purity balls, purity rings, and the like: These moms and dads obviously were not raised this way, did not start believing in this claptrap until they had daughters, they have absolutely zero proof that staying pure, I mean, not even holding […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[12],"tags":[97],"class_list":["post-4102","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-purity","tag-daughters-2"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Purity Culture's Guinea Pigs: Its Daughters<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"A reader named Carol left the following comment on one of my posts regarding purity balls, purity rings, and the like: These moms and dads obviously were\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Purity Culture's Guinea Pigs: Its Daughters\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"A reader named Carol left the following comment on one of my posts regarding purity balls, purity rings, and the like: These moms and dads obviously were\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-05-18T12:00:38+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2012-08-08T02:23:55+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"2 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html\",\"name\":\"The Purity Culture's Guinea Pigs: Its Daughters\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2012-05-18T12:00:38+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2012-08-08T02:23:55+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"A reader named Carol left the following comment on one of my posts regarding purity balls, purity rings, and the like: These moms and dads obviously were\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/the-purity-cultures-guinea-pigs-its-daughters.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"The Purity Culture’s Guinea Pigs: Its Daughters\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. 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