{"id":4218,"date":"2012-05-17T14:00:39","date_gmt":"2012-05-17T18:00:39","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=4218"},"modified":"2012-08-07T21:30:17","modified_gmt":"2012-08-08T01:30:17","slug":"are-you-mom-enough-really","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/05\/are-you-mom-enough-really.html","title":{"rendered":"“Are You Mom Enough?” Really?!?<\/i>"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

\"\"<\/p>\n

I\u2019m sure by now most of you have already seen this image. While I was annoyed that Time <\/em>chose a cover picture designed to sensationalize rather than one that looks at the reality of long-term breastfeeding (and as an avid proponent, I have to say, this is not<\/em> what it looks like), I was more annoyed by the title. \u201cAre You Mom Enough?\u201d I mean, really?!?<\/p>\n

Along with many others, I have called for an end to the \u201cmommy wars.\u201d<\/a> This Time <\/em>cover\u00a0\u00a0is designed to drudge them up again. If you were a <\/em>good mom, you would buy organic baby food. If you were a good mom, you would nurse till age three. If you were a <\/em>good mom, you would teach your infant sign language. If you were a <\/em>good mom, you would potty train your child at three months via elimination communication<\/a>. <\/em>And on and on and on.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m tired of the guilt game. I\u2019m tired of all of it. Can we acknowledge for once that every mom is different, and that there are many ways to parent, and that that\u2019s okay? Can we stop having this one \u201cgolden standard\u201d that every mom is supposed to somehow morph into?<\/p>\n

Can we realize that mothers are individuals first, and mothers second? <\/em><\/p>\n

What works for one mom might not work for another, and that\u2019s okay<\/em>. What works for one child might not work for another, and that\u2019s okay. <\/em>What works for one family might not work for another, and that\u2019s okay. <\/em>In fact, that\u2019s more than okay, that\u2019s normal<\/em>. That should be expected<\/em>.<\/p>\n

After giving birth to Sally, I became a mom. It\u2019s like your whole identity suddenly morphs when you become a mom, or at least people\u2019s perceptions of your identity do. When I pick Sally up from daycare, I\u2019m \u201cSally\u2019s mommy.\u201d When I go out with Sally, to the library or the mall, I\u2019m a mother out with my daughter. One thing I love about being a working mom is that when I\u2019m at work I\u2019m\u00a0me. <\/em>And it just so happens that I like <\/em>being me.\u00a0This article, On Pregnancy and Privacy and Fear<\/a>, articulates the\u00a0dynamic I feel perfectly.<\/p>\n

But for some reason, it\u2019s not okay to be an individual first. Our culture has a \u201cmommy mold,\u201d a stereotypical cultural ideal of what a mom \u201cshould\u201d be. This creates a culture in which the question \u201care you mom enough?\u201d can be asked. The guilt, the expectations, the mold the \u201cperfect\u201d mother is expected to\u00a0squeeze\u00a0into. Melissa wrote a bit about this in The \u201cShoulds\u201d of Motherhood<\/a>. She finishes with this:<\/p>\n

The idea that to be a good mother you must sacrifice everything about yourself is a myth. You are valuable too. You deserve care too. You have interests and ideas and gifts and talents. You have so much to offer the world and your children, and that doesn\u2019t involve giving up everything that makes you you.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This goes right along with what I said about being an individual first, and a mother second. We need to ditch the mommy mold and realize that motherhood is not \u201cone size fits all.\u201d Because every woman has her own \u201cinterests and ideas and gifts and talents,\u201d every woman will be a different mother.<\/p>\n

And that\u2019s okay<\/em>.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019m sure by now most of you have already seen this image. While I was annoyed that Time chose a cover picture designed to sensationalize rather than one that looks at the reality of long-term breastfeeding (and as an avid proponent, I have to say, this is not what it looks like), I was more […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6,108],"tags":[123],"class_list":["post-4218","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-feminism","category-parenting","tag-motherhood"],"yoast_head":"\n"Are You Mom Enough?" Really?!?<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I'm sure by now most of you have already seen this image. 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