{"id":44661,"date":"2019-08-26T08:20:41","date_gmt":"2019-08-26T12:20:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=44661"},"modified":"2019-08-26T08:22:09","modified_gmt":"2019-08-26T12:22:09","slug":"how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html","title":{"rendered":"How Lara Spencer’s Laughter Limits Boys"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

In a news broadcast last week, ABC Good Morning America co-host Lara Spencer made the following comments<\/a>\u00a0about England\u2019s six-year-old Prince George:<\/p>\n

In addition to the usual first or second grade things like math, science, and history, the future king of England will be putting down the Play-Doh to take religious studies, computer programming, poetry, and ballet among other things.\u00a0Prince William says George absolutely loves ballet. I have news for you, Prince William. We\u2019ll see how long that lasts.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Spencer finished her report laughing,\u00a0<\/em>because a boy taking ballet is apparently that funny. <\/em>In fact, the very moment she got to the word \u201cballet\u201d<\/em> she took on an affected tone\u2014as though a boy taking ballet was that<\/em> ridiculous.<\/p>\n

After her words came in for swift criticism\u2014no surprise there<\/em>\u2014Spencer apologized on Instagram<\/a> for her comments:<\/p>\n

\u201cMy sincere apologies for an insensitive comment I made in pop news yesterday,\u201d she wrote in conjunction with a picture of an open field and outdoor skyline. \u201cFrom ballet to anything one wants to explore in life, I say GO FOR IT. I fully believe we should all be free to pursue our passions. Go climb your mountain \u2013 and love every minute of it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I\u2019m reminded of an incident that happened to me earlier this summer that I\u2019ve been unable to get out of my head.<\/p>\n

I have a son who is about Prince George\u2019s age. This summer, when I went to the gym, I checked him into childcare. You know the basic setup\u2014parents can drop their kids off play with toys and activities under the watch of several gym childcare employees while they work out, retrieving them afterwards.<\/p>\n

One day this summer, as I walked into the childcare room to sign my son in, one of the childcare workers greeted my son by name and then added:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat do you want to play with today? We\u2019re playing with barbies over here, but you probably won\u2019t want to play with that!\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I cringed, but I let the comment go and didn\u2019t stay anything. The longer it has stuck with me, though, the more I think I should have said something.<\/p>\n

If I had<\/em> said something, the childcare worker, like Spencer, would have almost certainly have apologized (there would also have been a pseudo employer-employee dynamic in play, which wouldn\u2019t have given her much room for anything else\u2014so maybe I was right not to say anything). The childcare worker would have added that my son could absolutely play with barbies if he wanted to, perhaps with the same adamance of Spencer\u2019s \u201cGO FOR IT.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s a problem with this whole setup, though. By the time the apology arrives, it\u2019s already too late. The damage has already been done.<\/p>\n

Prince George almost certainly had no exposure to Spencer\u2019s comments, but other boys his age likely did. And in my situation, my son heard the idea that he might play with barbies dismissed out of hand, with a laugh\u2014as though it was ridiculous, or something unheard of. Even an apology doesn\u2019t make that initial impact disappear, especially when we\u2019re talking about fast developing children.<\/p>\n

Even if, on his arrival at childcare, my son had<\/em> been inclined to join the girls in playing with barbies, he\u2019s almost certainly not going to now<\/em>.<\/p>\n

One frustration I\u2019ve encountered, as the parent of a boy and a girl, is that while girls are increasingly encouraged to try boy-coded things, boys are still actively discouraged from doing girl-coded things. My daughter can play basketball, but if my son takes ballet he\u2019s treated as weird. My daughter can wear shirts adorned with science themes, but god forbid<\/em> my son wear a pink shirt with hearts on it.<\/p>\n

My son took ballet when he was younger. And he wears leggings, which we have to purchase out of the girls\u2019 section. In fact, I buy a lot of his clothes out of the girls\u2019 section, because shirts in the boys\u2019 section are covered in tonka trucks and other things he\u2019s not into. I try to stay away from anything \u201ctoo\u201d girly, though, because I don\u2019t want him to get teased by the other boys at school\u2014or by anyone else. So he wears a lot of peach tank tops with owls on them, that kind of thing.<\/p>\n

My son plays soccer obsessively, and spends time setting up elaborate cities using matchbox cars and brio trains. Most of his friends are boys. But what frustrates me is the extent to which the gender binary still defines boys\u2019 lives. I don\u2019t want my son to be a girl. I want him free to pick and choose what he likes, without adult women laughing at him when he picks the \u201cwrong\u201d thing.<\/p>\n

I want to live in a world where it is as acceptable for boys to play ballet as it is for girls to play basketball. I want to live in a world where a boy can wear a pink shirt with hearts on it without worrying about whether someone will laugh at him.<\/p>\n

Spencer\u2019s laughter\u2014and that of other women like her\u2014serves to constrain boys\u2019 choices and to keep them within a narrowly defined acceptable masculine and to prevent them from engaging in \u201cgirly\u201d behavior. Rather than a mere apology, I want a sustained effort to listen, understand, and create change going forward.<\/p>\n

I have a <\/b>Patreon<\/b><\/a>! Please support my writing!\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Spencer’s laughter—and that of other women like her—serves to constrain boys’ choices, to keep them within a narrowly defined acceptable masculine and to prevent them from engaging in “girly” behavior. Rather than a mere apology, I want a sustained effort to listen, understand, and create change going forward.<\/p>\n

Click through to read more!<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":44664,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[6],"tags":[135],"class_list":["post-44661","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-feminism","tag-gender"],"yoast_head":"\nHow Lara Spencer's Laughter Limits Boys<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Spencer's laughter---and that of other women like her---serves to constrain boys' choices, to keep them within a narrowly defined acceptable masculine.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How Lara Spencer's Laughter Limits Boys\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Spencer's laughter---and that of other women like her---serves to constrain boys' choices, to keep them within a narrowly defined acceptable masculine.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"Love, Joy, Feminism\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2019-08-26T12:20:41+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2019-08-26T12:22:09+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/wp-media.patheos.com\/blogs\/sites\/166\/2019\/08\/boy-1846310_1920.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"768\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"512\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Libby Anne\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html\",\"name\":\"How Lara Spencer's Laughter Limits Boys\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\"},\"datePublished\":\"2019-08-26T12:20:41+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2019-08-26T12:22:09+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\"},\"description\":\"Spencer's laughter---and that of other women like her---serves to constrain boys' choices, to keep them within a narrowly defined acceptable masculine.\",\"breadcrumb\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html#breadcrumb\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"BreadcrumbList\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2019\/08\/how-lara-spencers-laughter-limits-boys.html#breadcrumb\",\"itemListElement\":[{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":1,\"name\":\"Home\",\"item\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\"},{\"@type\":\"ListItem\",\"position\":2,\"name\":\"How Lara Spencer’s Laughter Limits Boys\"}]},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/\",\"name\":\"Love, Joy, Feminism\",\"description\":\"\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":\"required name=search_term_string\"}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/#\/schema\/person\/fae465c1bbb5cbdf26c9e73bfd1b73d2\",\"name\":\"Libby Anne\",\"description\":\"Libby Anne grew up in a large evangelical homeschool family highly involved in the Christian Right. 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