Many of my readers likely read the article about Jerry Falwell on Political several weeks ago, or are at least aware of it. The article is titled \u2018Someone\u2019s Gotta Tell the Freakin\u2019 Truth\u2019: Jerry Falwell\u2019s Aides Break Their Silence<\/a>. While much of the article dealt with Falwell\u2019s dictatorial hand on the organizations he leads, and some possible financial improprieties, there\u2019s one particular piece that I haven\u2019t been able to get out of my head.<\/p>\n Longtime Liberty officials close to Falwell told me the university president has shown or texted his male confidants\u2014including at least one employee who worked for him at Liberty\u2014photos of his wife in provocative and sexual poses.<\/p>\n At Liberty, Falwell is \u201cvery, very vocal\u201d about his \u201csex life,\u201d in the words of one Liberty official\u2014a characterization multiple current and former university officials and employees interviewed for this story support. In a car ride about a decade ago with a senior university official who has since left Liberty, \u201call he wanted to talk about was how he would nail his wife, how she couldn\u2019t handle [his penis size], and stuff of that sort,\u201d this former official recalled. Falwell did not respond to questions about this incident.<\/p>\n More than simply talking with employees about his wife in a sexual manner, on at least one occasion, Falwell shared a photo of his wife wearing what appeared to be a French maid costume, according to a longtime Liberty employee with firsthand knowledge of the image and the fallout that followed.<\/p>\n Falwell intended to send the image to his and Becki\u2019s personal trainer, Ben Crosswhite, as a \u201cthank you\u201d for helping his wife achieve her fitness goals, the employee said. In the course of texting, Falwell accidentally sent the message to several other people, necessitating a cleanup.<\/p>\n In a statement, Falwell denied this. \u201cI never had any picture of Becki Falwell dressed in a French maid uniform, and never sent such a non-existent photo to Ben Crosswhite.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I can\u2019t say for sure what actually happened here, and if everything alleged here did happen, Falwell\u2019s actions are pretty \u2026 out there. Especially the bit about sharing the picture. But what keeps sticking in my mind is this: within evangelical purity culture, particularly among those in leadership, there is a willingness\u2014an eagerness, even\u2014to boast about all the marital sex one is getting\u2014and how hot one\u2019s wife is.<\/p>\n Within evangelical purity culture, some men are prudish in the ways they talk about sex, even within marriage, but not all are. Boasting about your wife\u2014and how awesome the marital sex you\u2019re getting is\u2014can be a way to signal one\u2019s manliness. Within evangelicalism, the avenues for boasting about male sexual prowess are circumscribed. You can\u2019t talk about all the hot girls you pick up, or make a show out of lusting over all the hotties around. But marital sex? That\u2019s acceptable. That\u2019s kosher.<\/p>\n Mind you, I\u2019m not saying that any of the above is good. I don\u2019t think manliness should be measured by how much sex a man is getting, or by how virile he proves himself in his interest in pursuing hot women. At all. But because our society is still steeped in sexism, these norms exist. Given the way gender roles are policed in conservative churches, being a pastor often requires proving one\u2019s manliness. And how better to do that\u2014within a sexist, highly gendered society and community\u2014than to boast about how hot<\/em> one\u2019s wife is.<\/p>\n Evangelicals have spent decades writing about how very good and godly sex is\u2014and not just procreative sex. Fun sex.\u00a0<\/em>Some pastors have virtually made their careers on sex.\u00a0In 2012, the Christian Post ran an article titled\u00a0Why Are Mark Driscoll, His Wife Talking About Sex So Much?<\/a>\u00a0Driscoll penned a book titled Real Marriage: The Truth about Sex, Friendship, and Life Together<\/a>. It wass mostly about sex.<\/em><\/p>\n Driscoll frequently preached about sex in sermons<\/a>:<\/p>\n During the sermon, which was entitled \u201cSex, a Study of the Good Bits from Song of Solomon,\u201d Driscoll interpreted Song of Solomon 2:3 as referring to oral sex and then said, \u201cMen, I am glad to report to you that oral sex is biblical\u2026The wife performing oral sex on the husband is biblical. God\u2019s men said, Amen. Ladies, your husbands appreciate oral sex. They do. So, serve them, love them well. It\u2019s biblical. Right here. We have a verse. \u2018The fruit of her husband is sweet to her taste and she delights to be beneath him.\u2019\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Sometimes it seems like every male pastor of any fame wanted in on the sex manual market. Fundamentalist guru Michael Pearl wrote a book titled Holy Sex: The Way God Intended It<\/a>. A note warned readers that:<\/p>\n This material is intended for mature audiences. Don\u2019t read this book unless you are married, have definite plans to be married in the next few weeks, or are an older teenager whose parents have first read it and approve of you doing so.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n I\u2019m halfway tempted to get my hands on a copy of the book just to see how spicy it actually is, but then, I\u2019ve already read more than I\u2019d like to<\/a> about Michael Pearl\u2019s sex life.<\/p>\n And then there are things like this<\/a>:<\/p>\n Megachurch pastor Ed Young<\/a> is going to be spending Friday the 13th in bed. Oh don\u2019t worry, he\u2019ll still be at the church where he works, in fact he\u2019ll be on top of the church\u2026<\/p>\n in bed\u2026<\/p>\n with his wife\u2026<\/p>\n for 24 hours straight\u2026<\/p>\n live streaming for the world to see.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Young, by the way, co-wrote a book titled Sexperiment<\/a> with his wife. He used his gimmick to market his book, which recommended running an \u201cexperiment\u201d by having sex with your spouse every day for a week. This was billed as promoting intimacy. As a parent of two young children, it merely sounds stressful<\/em>.<\/p>\n (Young also wrote a book titled Fifty Shades of They<\/a>.)<\/p>\n We\u2019ve gotten a bit afield, wandering into the field of high-profile pastors using sex to market themselves, their churches, and their books. My point is this: In this day and age, pastors\u2019 wives are expected to be super sexy, and pastor husbands are expected to rave about all of the amazing sex they get at home. What Falwell is described as doing is not at all\u00a0<\/em>outside of the general norm for evangelical leaders of his stature.<\/p>\n Have a look at this excerpt from a book about pastors wives<\/a>:<\/p>\n The phenomenon of talking about a wife\u2019s spicy side became so common that\u00a0Relevant\u00a0<\/em>magazine published the plea, \u201cOK, Let\u2019s Stop With All the Talk About \u2018Smokin\u2019 Hot\u2019 Wives,'\u201d when even the pastor giving the opening prayer for the NASCAR Nationwide series race thanked his wife for being so hot.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n This practice is so prevalent that if you do a google search for \u201cpastors who call their wives hot,\u201d\u00a0you\u2019ll find scads of articles begging pastors to stop doing this.<\/p>\n The Ungodly Allure of the Pastor\u2019s Smokin\u2019-Hot Wife<\/a>\u00a0was published in December 2018. \u201cChristian leaders can\u2019t seem to stop talking about their red-hot-smokin\u2019 stone-cold-fox wife back home,\u201d read its byline.\u00a0Pastor, Your Wife Might Be \u201cSmokin\u2019 Hot,\u201d But\u2026<\/a> reads the title of an August 2018 piece on a site for church leaders.\u00a0Stop Calling Your Wife Hot<\/a>, another article on the same website begged again in February 2019.<\/p>\n Take a look at this excerpt, from that last article:<\/p>\n I\u00a0saw a tweet from a friend recently that said, \u201cIf I hear one more Christian guy call his wife hot (every time he talks about her), I\u2019m going to throw a plate at the wall.\u201d I suggested that he actually throw the plate at the guy calling his wife hot, or \u201csmokin\u2019 hot\u201d for that matter (tongue in cheek, of course). Maybe it would knock some sense and normalcy into them.<\/p>\n Fellas, calling your wife<\/strong> hot to other people is awkward. We can\u2019t agree with you. That would be really weird. We can\u2019t disagree with you. That would be really mean. Ignoring you is rude, but it\u2019s probably our\u00a0best option in this case. Do you really want us trying to determine if your wife is, in fact, hot? I\u2019m glad you\u00a0think she\u2019s a 10. You should. But calling attention to her hotness doesn\u2019t honor her as much as it creates an opportunity for others to judge. And that\u2019s just awkward.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n Articles like this abound, some published as early as 2013. Pastors, Stop Calling Your Wives Hot<\/a>. Thoughts on the Pastor\u2019s Smokin\u2019 Hot Wife<\/a>.\u00a0Should Christian Men Call Their Wives \u201cSmokin\u2019 Hot\u201d?<\/a>\u00a0Dude, Quit Telling Me About Your Smoking Hot Wife<\/a>. Godly men and Smokin Hot Wives<\/a>. Even Christianity Today<\/em> has pitched in: I\u2019m Sick of Hearing About Your Smoking Hot Wife<\/a>. And on and on it goes.<\/p>\n How does a man signal his virility in an evangelical subculture that expects him to abstain from sex before marriage, remain faithful to his wife, and keep his eyes from wandering? This is how: by boasting constantly about how very hot his wife is, and about all the hot hot sex he is having. While shocking, Falwell only did what has become increasingly expected of high profile evangelical pastor-leaders.<\/p>\n