Oh, \u2018Brother,\u2019<\/a>\u201d made me think about just what I was taught to call adults growing up. Sierra writes that in her church she was encouraged to call other church members \u201cBrother This\u201d or \u201cSister That.\u201d We, in contrast, did not do that. I don\u2019t think my parents would have seen that as respectful, actually.<\/p>\nMy parents required us to always address adults with the titles \u201cMr.\u201d or Mrs.\u201d followed by a last name. If it was a fairly young adult, we might be allowed to use the titles \u201cMr.\u201d or \u201cMiss\u201d followed by a first name. \u201cMiss Sarah,\u201d for instance. This usage actually included the teenage babysitters we had when we were young. Anyway, using these titles was a requirement; to not use them was considered disrespect.<\/p>\n
This created some problems. In middle school I was briefly involved in our church\u2019s youth group \u2013 a short lived experiment \u2013 and the youth minister insisted on being called by his first name. I was, however, specifically forbidden from calling adults by their first names. When I needed to ask him something I therefore used the title \u201cMr.\u201d The result was that he completely ignored me as he apparently did anyone who refused to call him by his first name.<\/p>\n
Similarly, one of my younger aunts was distinctly uncomfortable with us using the title \u201cAunt.\u201d She just wanted to be called by her first name, at least by us older children, and she requested as much. We were not allowed to comply. We went right on calling her \u201cAunt Such-and-Such\u201d regardless.<\/p>\n
I think part of the reason these sort of titles were considered so important was that they created a strong boundary between \u201cadults\u201d and \u201cchildren.\u201d It segregated the two into two distinct groups, with children in need of training and adults deserving of respect and obedience. It made sure that the lines between children and adults could not be forgotten.<\/p>\n
And I think that in some way adults like that youth minister or my aunt actually want to blur that line in some way by rejecting the use of such titles. The youth minister wanted to be approachable and available to the young people he ministered to, wanted to be seen as a friend and confidant rather than a distant or authoritative adult. My aunt wanted a relationship with her nieces and nephews that was built on companionship rather than authority or\u00a0hierarchy.<\/p>\n
I think the divide between adults and children is often too distinct and artificial, especially as children approach adulthood.\u00a0After all, dividing the world strictly into \u201cchildren\u201d and \u201cadults\u201d ignores the fact that there is a great deal of difference between a two-year-old and a sixteen-year-old, and a great deal of difference between a twenty-tw0-year-old and a fifty-year-old.<\/p>\n
One area where I try to break down that strict divide is in my own mothering. I see myself as my daughter\u2019s guide, not her commander. I want a relationship with my daughter based on love and trust, not authority or hierarchy. And, as my daughter grows older, I plan to give her more and more freedom, autonomy, and say in her life. I don\u2019t want her to see the world in terms of \u201cus\u201d verses \u201cthem,\u201d but rather in terms of people of all sorts of different shapes, sizes, ages, talents, and abilities.<\/p>\n
And yet I do ask Sally to call me \u201cmommy.\u201d Sometimes she calls me by my given name, because she knows it, and I don\u2019t make a big deal out of it when she does. What I encourage her to call me, though, is \u201cmommy.\u201d Why? Because, I tell her, anybody can call me \u201cLibby\u201d but only she can call me \u201cmommy.\u201d<\/p>\n
What do I have Sally call other adults? Well, in many ways it depends on what those other adults want or are comfortable with. I don\u2019t have a problem with her calling our friends by their first names, but if they prefer otherwise, I let her know what they want to be called. And Sally is still young, so this is something I haven\u2019t completely worked out yet. I do know, however, that I definitely won\u2019t be requiring her to use \u201cMr.\u201d or Mrs.\u201d with every adult she comes in contact with.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Sierra\u2019s recent post, \u201cOh, \u2018Brother,\u2019\u201d made me think about just what I was taught to call adults growing up. Sierra writes that in her church she was encouraged to call other church members \u201cBrother This\u201d or \u201cSister That.\u201d We, in contrast, did not do that. I don\u2019t think my parents would have seen that as […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[43],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-family"],"yoast_head":"\n
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