{"id":49078,"date":"2020-07-10T12:28:46","date_gmt":"2020-07-10T16:28:46","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/admin.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=49078"},"modified":"2020-07-10T12:28:46","modified_gmt":"2020-07-10T16:28:46","slug":"island-of-aquarius-plastic-explosives-bloom-like-muffins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2020\/07\/island-of-aquarius-plastic-explosives-bloom-like-muffins.html","title":{"rendered":"Island of Aquarius: Plastic Explosives Bloom Like Muffins"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Escape from the Island of Aquarius, pp. 128-139<\/strong><\/p>\n

So. Dr. Cooper has decided, suddenly, not to kill Kelno after all. Instead, he says, he\u2019s going to try to save him.<\/p>\n

\u201cVengeance belongs to God, not to me. You can answer to Him for what you\u2019ve done. In the meantime, I\u2019m going to pass God\u2019s grace along. Jesus saved me;<\/em> I\u2019m going to try to save you.<\/em>\u201c<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Because the island is sinking, of course.<\/p>\n

Dr. Cooper, Jay, and the Real Adam MacKenzie step into the square and begin to speak to the people.<\/p>\n

The whole crowd gasped, looking at Adam and Jay, and then at Dr. Cooper, and then at Adam again. The same thing could be clearly read on all their faces: What is happening here? These men are back from the dead!<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

The writing here is just so\u00a0odd.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway, the Real Adam MacKenzie speaks out to those he knows, and he tells everyone that the island is sinking, drawing their attention to the quakes, etc. Kelno stands by and yells at the people not to believe MacKenzie.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe\u2019s lying!\u201d shouted Kelno. \u201cI have the truth. This island will never sink. I will not allow it.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Really though, what is<\/em> his game plan? Does Kelno know the island is sinking?<\/p>\n

Adam responded, \u201cThe foundations fo the island are being eroded away by the sea right now, as we speak. The core of the island is breaking up.\u201d<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Yeah, uh, okay.<\/p>\n

Blah blah, argue argue. We must leave! No, stay! This goes on for some time. I don\u2019t want to die! No, these men are liars! But then, just as Kelno says the earthquakes are an illusion (what?), the ground heaves, and a jagged crack tore through the village. Wait, didn\u2019t this already happen once though, or else why did MacKenzie and the Coopers see a house with glass windows fall into the crack that opened why they were underground? Regardless, with that, the people turned against Kelno, and the conversation ended.<\/p>\n

Families ran after him, some college professors ran after him, some laborers leaped over the deep, still-widening crack to follow. All the screaming and yelling and threatening that Stuart Kelno could muster would not bring them back.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Somehow this just feels really\u00a0boring.\u00a0<\/em>So let me take you to something more \u2026 interesting. Lila and the Dude are loading Lila\u2019s canoe with supplies from the huts.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo!\u201d yelled Candle, urging both of them to hurry. \u201cWe go plenty!\u201d<\/p>\n

They ran into the supply hut. Lila grabbed two cans of gasoline. Candle picked up what looked to him like a box of muffins, popping one into his mouth.<\/p>\n

Lila saw it just in time. \u201cNo, Candle, no!\u201d<\/p>\n

He made a horrible face and spit it out. She caught it before it hit the ground.<\/p>\n

\u201cNo,\u201d she said. \u201cThis isn\u2019t food. This is plastic explosive. Bad stuff! Plenty bad stuff!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBad stuff,\u201d Candle agreed, putting the box back.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo this is why the boat didn\u2019t explode when they burned it. Candle, you\u2019re a real blessing,\u201d she laughed.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo! We go plenty!\u201d was his only response, grabbing a box of real food.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Wait \u2026 why is Lila grabbing cans of gasoline?!<\/p>\n

But also\u2014how in the heck would the Dude know what \u201ca box of muffins\u201d looked like to begin with?? This village doesn\u2019t have a supply chain! It\u2019s on a secret, mysterious island! Did Kelno bring a huge stash of packaged muffins??<\/p>\n

Interestingly enough, this is one of the things I remembered specifically, from reading this book as a teen\u2014that the Polynesian character ate plastic explosives, thinking they were muffins. Clearly, this stuck out to me. Maybe it stuck out because\u00a0it\u2019s utterly bizarre.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I just had a look around google and I can\u2019t find a single picture of plastic explosives that look anything like \u201ca box of muffins.\u201d Clearly, plastic explosives could be shaped<\/em> to look like muffins. But are they ever packaged<\/em> that way?<\/p>\n

The closest I could find was this:<\/p>\n

<\/p>\n

I suppose you\u00a0could\u00a0<\/em>think that looked like a muffin. But it\u2019s also wrapped individually, and the text doesn\u2019t reference the Dude\u00a0unwrapping\u00a0<\/em>anything. The text only says he \u201cpicked up what looked to him like a box of muffins, popping one into his mouth.\u201d Sorry I\u2019m so hung up on this, it\u2019s just \u2026 so so weird.<\/p>\n

And not for no reason. There\u2019s a trope going on here. A ridiculous native\u00a0<\/em>trope. Or an\u00a0ignorant native\u00a0<\/i>trope. Whatever exactly it is, it\u2019s\u00a0not great.\u00a0<\/em>Peretti makes the Dude out to be ridiculous, wearing a torch on the top of his head, talking in pigeon English when the Polynesians in Kelno\u2019s village speak perfect English, trying to eat plastic explosives because he thinks they\u2019re muffins. He\u2019s a character that everyone laughs<\/em> at.<\/p>\n

Gozan was the cowering, fearful, greedy Arab; the Dude is the kindly, ignorant Polynesian that white people find ridiculous and amusing. I\u2019m halfway surprised the Dude hasn\u2019t done some sort of silly native dance.<\/p>\n

Ugh.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

To be clear, I don\u2019t think native dances are silly. It\u2019s just that I\u2019m pretty sure the white people who find the Dude so very amusing\u2014from Lila to Peretti\u2014are the exact same sort of white people who see native dances as\u00a0silly<\/em>.<\/p>\n

I find the Dude\u2019s portrayal as maddening as Gozan\u2019s was, though in a very, very different way. We\u2019re not meant to sneer at him; but we are<\/em> meant to laugh<\/em> at him.<\/p>\n

Wait what. Wait I turned the page, and what. MacKenzie is taking all the people who decided to follow him into the sacrificial pit<\/em>. Into the tunnels. Where that giant snake is. Why in the blazes didn\u2019t they just go to\u00a0Kelno\u2019s\u00a0<\/em>boat?<\/p>\n

Oh by the way, speaking of Kelno, back during the earlier argument Kelno said things like \u201cThis gospel, this talk about Jesus, is only a deception, something to destroy your faith in your own power\u201d and \u201cThere is no savior except yourself.\u201d But then, what was with the talk of a god force living in the island? It\u2019s like Peretti just mashed all sorts of New Age, cult, and pagan beliefs together without any thought to whether they were consistent.<\/p>\n

My god, we\u2019re doing that thing where we flip\u00a0really quickly\u00a0<\/em>between the two storylines, and it\u2019s getting to me. Switching three times\u00a0on one page\u00a0<\/em>is a bit much. Well I\u2019m not doing it. Especially when these sections are so small that\u00a0nothing\u00a0actually happens in them.\u00a0<\/i><\/p>\n

So, Kelno does still have some followers. He takes those followers to the pit and tells them to go down and\u00a0get\u00a0<\/em>the others. They\u2019re not impressed by this command, but Kelno doesn\u2019t give a shit.<\/p>\n

It was either go into the Pit or face Stuart Kelno\u2019s earth. In single file the men grabbed the rope and started down.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

This book is getting\u00a0weirder.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Wait. What the hell is happening.<\/p>\n

Adam, the Coppers, and their precious twenty-seven had reached that horrible rift that had cut the tunnel in half. The two walls were still moving, shuddering, shifting in and out like two chewing jaws. Adam\u2019s adrenalin was really pumping; with a running leap he bounded across the chasm, landing and tumbling on the other side. He caught the rope tossed to him by Dr. Cooper and secured it around a rock formation. Dr. Cooper secured his end the same way, and now they had a safety rope.<\/p>\n

\u201cC\u2019mon, Joe, you can do it!\u201d Dr. Cooper shouted, and the others rooted for the former business executive as he took a running jump and learned the chasm.<\/p>\n

Now he turned and encouraged his wife and son, and they ent for it. The walls closed just enough. They both made it across.<\/p>\n

\u201cGo, Randy!\u201d they all yelled, and the young carpenter made it.<\/p>\n

\u201cSteady, Chuck!\u201d they shouted, and Chuck crawled hadn\u2019t over hand along the rope to where many hands could finally grab him.<\/p>\n

He was followed by some families and some single folks. One little girl was too small and too terrified to jump, so her father inched his way along the rope with her clinging to his chest. They made it.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

What is happening.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

If they\u2019re running and jumping, how does a rope strung across the chasm serve as a \u201csafety\u201d rope? And did this last guy really cross the chasm by letting himself down into it, and then going hand over hand across the rope, with a child clinging to him? Does Peretti know how\u00a0hard\u00a0<\/em>that is?<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Dr. Cooper\u2019s turn last, so he unties his end off the rope and ties it around himself. It\u2019s a good thing, too, because the chasm widens just as he prepares to jump, and he hits the wall of the cavern below the tunnel, and falls.<\/p>\n

Oh right\u2014remember, these people are all jumping from one tunnel opening to another, across a chasm. I don\u2019t see any reason to even assume that the two tunnel openings are lined up, at this point.<\/p>\n

Just. What.<\/p>\n

Somehow, when the rope snapped taught when Dr. Cooper missed the opening, MacKenzie got hacked off the edge of the cliff, only saving himself by grabbing the rope. So both of them are hanging over the edge, from the rope.<\/p>\n

Jay and the faithful twenty-seven began to shout frantically and pull on the rope.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

Oh\u00a0lord.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

Anyway they do ultimately get safely up, because of course they do. That wasn\u2019t really ever in question. Only bad guys like the president of Nepur in the last book die sudden tragic deaths.<\/p>\n

I\u2019ll tell you two last things. First, when Lila and the Dude arrive at the cavern entrance in their canoe, they find it is under water. It shouldn\u2019t be, but it is. The island has has sunk too far. Candle is frantic. Meanwhile, MacKenzie and the Coopers and their \u201cfaithful twenty-seven\u201d make it to the cavern in the center of the island, and find that the water is higher\u2014but the boat is still safe, floating on the water, off of its blocks. They all get onto the boat, and steady it, but they have a problem\u2014two problems, actually.<\/p>\n

First, Kelno\u2019s men arrive in the tunnel and begin shooting at them. But second, as they sail the boat toward the tunnel to get away from Kelno\u2019s men, as I said, they find that the tunnel is under water.<\/p>\n

The end. Just kidding. It\u2019s not the end. Lila has the plastic explosives.<\/p>\n

I have a <\/b>Patreon<\/b><\/a>! Please support my writing!\u00a0<\/span><\/b><\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I just had a look around google and I can’t find a single picture of plastic explosives that look anything like “a box of muffins.” Clearly, plastic explosives could be shaped to look like muffins. But are they ever packaged that way?\u00a0<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":845,"featured_media":49088,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-49078","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"yoast_head":"\nIsland of Aquarius: Plastic Explosives Bloom Like Muffins<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I just had a look around google and I can't find a single picture of plastic explosives that look anything like "a box of muffins." Clearly, plastic explosives could be shaped to look like muffins. 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