Temper tantrums, life, and calming down<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Last week I took Sally to the park. When we pulled in, she completely freaked out. She started crying and yelling. No! Not here! Go back out, mommy! I\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/06\/sallys-shenanigans-on-calming-down.html\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Temper tantrums, life, and calming down\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Last week I took Sally to the park. When we pulled in, she completely freaked out. She started crying and yelling. No! Not here! Go back out, mommy! 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{"id":5531,"date":"2012-06-26T12:45:58","date_gmt":"2012-06-26T16:45:58","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/?p=5531"},"modified":"2012-08-10T21:28:49","modified_gmt":"2012-08-11T01:28:49","slug":"sallys-shenanigans-on-calming-down","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.patheos.com\/blogs\/lovejoyfeminism\/2012\/06\/sallys-shenanigans-on-calming-down.html","title":{"rendered":"Temper tantrums, life, and calming down"},"content":{"rendered":"\n<\/head>

Last week I took Sally to the park. When we pulled in, she completely freaked out. She started crying and yelling.<\/p>\n

No! Not here! Go back out, mommy!<\/em><\/p>\n

I responded as I normally do.<\/p>\n

Sally, it\u2019s okay, calm down. Tell mommy what\u2019s wrong. <\/em>\u2026 Honey, just take a deep breath, calm down, and use your words. \u2026 Sally, I\u2019m trying to listen to you, but I can\u2019t understand what you want while you\u2019re crying.<\/em><\/p>\n

This went back and forth for a minute or two, with her crying and me trying to figure out what was wrong. Finally, Sally paused.<\/p>\n

I need calm down, <\/em>she said. Sleeping help me calm down. <\/em><\/p>\n

Do you want to go home and take a nap? <\/em>I asked.<\/p>\n

No. <\/em><\/p>\n

Do you want to take a nap in the car?<\/em><\/p>\n

Yes. <\/em><\/p>\n

So I turned the car off and sat back in my seat. Sally laid her head on her car seat and began to play with her hair as she is like to do. After about two minutes, I heard a perfectly calm and controlled voice coming from the back seat.<\/p>\n

Mommy? I not want go to this park. I want to go to OTHER park. Can we go to other park please? <\/em><\/p>\n

And so we went to the other park.<\/p>\n

The longer I\u2019ve parented the more importance I\u2019ve placed on calming down. <\/em>There are so many times when Sally gets so worked up that she literally can\u2019t communicate let alone reason or broker a compromise, and the solution is always the defuse the situation and help her calm down. <\/em>There are evenings at home where she becomes overwrought and I suggest she lay down on her bed and take a short nap \u2013 and she frequently takes me up on that, willingly. <\/em>If, in contrast, I don\u2019t try to defuse the situation and instead join Sally in escalating by responding in anger at her inability to communicate or at the amount of noise she is making, the situation simply gets worse rather than better.<\/p>\n

Positive Parenting resources actually recommend having a \u201ccalm down corner<\/a>\u201d for your small children for exactly this reason. The idea is that the calm down corner isn\u2019t a punishment, it simply gives the child time to calm down enough to actually handle the situation.<\/p>\n

And of course, calming down isn\u2019t just for the child. Sometimes it\u2019s just as important for me to calm down as it is for Sally. And really, when I calm down, maybe step outside or sit for a minute with a cup of tea or simply take a deep breath and remember what really is important and what isn\u2019t, well, the world looks just that much easier to handle \u2013 for me as well as for Sally.<\/p>\n<\/body><\/html>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"