Question 1: Please introduce yourself before we get started. Are you married or unmarried? Are you in school, holding down a job, or staying home? Do you have children? What religious beliefs or lack thereof do you ascribe to today? Provide whatever additional information you like.<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m 21, married and building my empire, which is a fancy way of saying I\u2019m employing myself while not making very much money. I have a seasonal job with a local non-profit in the winter which doesn\u2019t pay much either, but it\u2019s something and I enjoy the environment, the people, and being an elf for christmas. I don\u2019t have children and don\u2019t plan to. Religiously is all up in the air right now, for the sake of everyone I\u2019m related to, I still ascribe to christianity, but not like they do and very loosely at that. Mostly, I\u2019m searching, and letting my heart and intuition have a chance to lead. I have a cat.<\/p>\n
Question 2: How did your parents first come under the influence of Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull teachings? What leaders did they follow and what publications did they receive?<\/strong><\/p>\nThey sort of came to that on their own. When I was about 7 or so they became involved in a cult called \u201ccleansing stream\u201d which \u201ctaught\u201d them how to read the bible and things just kinda spiraled from there. While they eventually left the cult and abandoned some of the crazy teachings, they never truly exited.<\/p>\n
Question 3: In what ways was your family a \u201ctypical\u201d Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull family? In what ways was it \u201catypical\u201d?<\/strong><\/p>\nThey were typical in that they had oodles of spawn, were very strict and into gender roles. Atypically, my mom was instigating it and\u00a0my dad is\/was sort of her puppet (seemingly \u2013 it\u2019s hard to tell). We weren\u2019t skirts only either, could wear one-piece swimsuits without shirts over them.<\/p>\n
Part 2: Living the Life<\/h1>\n
Question 1: What sort of a church did your family go to while you were growing up? Were the other families who attended the church also involved in the Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull movement?<\/strong><\/p>\nThere\u2019s not really a \u201csort\u201d of church that we went to \u2013 we went to and left (or were booted out) of all kinds of churches. When we were there long enough to start calling it a church home, we left. There were a few churches where P\/QF families were prevalent but we didn\u2019t stay in them long and it was more a families who happen to be thing than the church itself.<\/p>\n
Question 2: In many ways, every Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull couple has a different dynamic. What sort of a dynamic did your parents have? Was one more sold on the Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull ideology than the other? Or, if you grew up in a broken family, how did this affect your experience?<\/strong><\/p>\nI don\u2019t really know how to describe my parents\u2019 dynamic. My mom is very pushy for someone who talks until she\u2019s blue in the face about submission. My dad goes along with whatever she says for the most part, but they both are equally into the thing, except my dad is less prone to control than my mom is. Which leads to dad saying one thing and mom changing his mind and saying something else later.<\/p>\n
Question 3: How often did you, your siblings, and your parents read the Bible? Were you guided by your parents or pastors in how to interpret the Bible, especially certain passages, or were you generally free to form your own ideas about what the Bible said?<\/strong><\/p>\nEvery night for the most part there was family devotions, and every morning before school. If we stayed home on Sunday we\u2019d have a full day (I mean 4-6-8 hours) of \u201chome church\u201d where they would study the bible and tell us how to defend the family beliefs (not how they\u2019d describe it, but it\u2019s what it was). They said we could think for ourselves and stuff, but we all knew better than to actually try to say something contrary.<\/p>\n
Question 4: What role did race play in the Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull community in which you grew up? Were there any black or Hispanic families? Were they treated differently?<\/strong><\/p>\nWell we didn\u2019t really have a community\u2026we kept leaving them. There were two families that were sort of hispanic, my family only was friends with one and didn\u2019t treat them differently. We grew up in Florida and then moved to GA so it wasn\u2019t weird to be around a lot of minorities and we didn\u2019t treat them differently.<\/p>\n
Part 3: A Gendered Childhood<\/h1>\n
Question 1: How many siblings did you grow up with? Did responsibilities in your family differ by gender, with the girls having certain chores and the boys having others? Explain.<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m the oldest of 8, but there were 10 full term pregnancies. This always confuses me. Responsibilities absolutely differed by gender. My brother got away with a lot more things and only doing boy chores \u2013 he also got away with not taking crap and speaking up for himself. I did \u201chousehold\u201d things, and he did outside things.<\/p>\n
Question 2: If you were an older daughter, do you feel that you were expected to play \u201cmother\u201d for your younger siblings? Explain.<\/strong><\/p>\nI was sudo-mom. Every pregnancy my life would be placed on hold and as I got older and started objecting we would have \u201ctalks\u201d that would berate me and tell me I was selfish for wanting to have a life of my own and not take over child raising for nine months every other year. They\u2019d practically brag to other families about how I did that, and they told me that it was essentially my job on more than one occasion.<\/p>\n
Question 3: In what ways were boys and girls in your family expected to dress or act differently from each other? Were there certain things it was appropriate for girls to do but not boys, and vice versa?<\/strong><\/p>\nMost glaringly, my bother was allowed to have and visit friends on a regular basis and I wasn\u2019t (I had lots of little sisters to take care of and didn\u2019t need socialization?). Boys couldn\u2019t do ballet or anything my dad considered feminine, I could play at politics but couldn\u2019t be \u201cabove\u201d a male or run for office where I might be \u201cin charge\u201d of a guy.<\/p>\n
Question 4: In what ways were boys and girls in your family raised differently vocationally (i.e., the boys pushed toward careers and the girls pushed toward homemaking)? How did this play out as you came of age (apprenticeship, college, staying home, etc.)?<\/strong><\/p>\nI wasn\u2019t allowed to have a job \u2013 my brother was and has since he was 16 or 17. The one paying job I had they pulled me out of before I\u2019d worked there a month. Girls were deemed to not need higher education (they\u2019re only going to be making babies anyway!) and boys should all go to trade school. College, was of course a tool of \u201cthe enemy\u201d because it made people \u201close their faith\u201d.<\/p>\n
Part 4: Homeschooling<\/h1>\n
Question 1: Why and when did your parents originally decide to homeschool? Did their reasons for homeschooling change over time?<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m told, originally, it was because my private school wouldn\u2019t let me start first grade because I was ahead of my pre-k\/kindergarten class. My mom went to college for deaf-ed but never finished and thought she could challenge me more. Over time, and many pregnancies later it changed to something more religious.<\/p>\n
Question 2: Briefly describe your experience being homeschooled, including the amount of interaction you had with other homeschoolers or non-homeschoolers (socialization) and what sorts of textbooks or homeschool program your family used (academics).<\/strong><\/p>\nWhen we first started homeschooling we had a lot of interaction with our huge homeschool group. Mom used the Noah plan for a while, but by the time I hit 5th grade I was schooling myself while she taught everyone else. I taught myself and took a few brief co\/op classes from the age of 10 on. We primarily used Alpha-Omega but for history we read a lot of extra books and did unit studies. I had one extra-curricular a year, for 7 years that was \u201cballet\u201d (actually just worship dance) and for 2 years after that it was NCFCA. I started making my *own* friends after we moved to Atlanta when I was 14, so that way I\u2019d always have people to talk to on the interwebs when the inevitable life-stopping events came. They pulled me out of NCFCA because I wasn\u2019t winning, but I went to TeenPact also a few times a year. My siblings all do church little league and I don\u2019t know what my brother did after we moved and he couldn\u2019t do baseball.<\/p>\n
Question 3: What do you see as the pros and cons of having been homeschooled? Do you feel that your homeschool experience prepared you well socially? Academically?<\/strong><\/p>\nI like that I got to study as much as I wanted the things that I wanted. But I wasn\u2019t very well prepared to relate to people who weren\u2019t homeschooled. I love that I know how to learn and that my parents unwittingly raised great thinkers, but I feel like I don\u2019t quite measure up academically, at least as far as math goes.<\/p>\n
Question 4: Do you perceive of your academic or social abilities differently today than you did when you were being homeschooled?<\/strong><\/p>\nWhile I was in school, I thought that I was smarter than everyone because I was homeschooled. Now I see places where I am or was seriously lacking and I\u2019ve had to adjust. I question whether or not I actually made the grades my mom said I did, or if she just said I did. I guess in short, I\u2019m not sure I fully trust the education I got \u2013 graduating at 15 seemed cool at the time, now it feels a little insane. I wasn\u2019t ready, but I didn\u2019t know that until I grew up.<\/p>\n
Question 5: Do you plan to homeschool\/are you homeschooling your children? Why or why not? If you do plan to homeschool, in what ways will you\/do you do it differently from your parents?<\/strong><\/p>\nThis is a weird topic. I absolutely do not ever want to homeschool. My husband does not want to send a kid to a school. So, stalemate much? Thankfully both of us absolutely do not ever want children. We\u2019ve talked about it though and we decided that if we homeschooled, I\u2019d have a part time job and we\u2019d take turns and send it to classes and NOT homeschool the way we were homeschooled. We\u2019ll have crypod taught by people who know what they\u2019re talking about and fill in the gaps that we can\u2019t cover. I guess really, if it came to that (god forbid) we wouldn\u2019t do it alone, and we\u2019d find non-religious support groups.\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\nPart 5: Purity<\/h1>\n
Question 1: What were you taught about physical purity, emotional purity, and courtship and dating? How was sex education handled?<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/strong>There was a glass of water with a tiny drop of milk in it. Which meant that even a little bad ruined you. There was also a thing with a car and a tea cup? Courtship was how it\u2019s done and dating was evil (said the people who dated and had sex before being married) You never wanted to \u201clead someone on\u201d and you had to dress so no one would notice you. Emotional purity was largely shit I picked up on my own that no one bothered to dispel. I didn\u2019t get in trouble for having a crush once, but I felt really guilty about it. Sex-ed. omg. That was like, not cool. I never studied my vulva in anatomy, so when my mom all of a sudden brought out technical terms in a 5 minute this-is-how-babies-are-made talk, I was clueless. I was like there\u2019s a hole somewhere in me, and that thing I keep thinking I\u2019m gonna break on my 9 month old brother is supposed to go in? it wasn\u2019t good. Internet forever! Scarletteen and wikipedia and two days talking with my boyfriend\/husband was marginally better (because his was just as bad or worse).<\/p>\nQuestion 2: Did you participate in a parent-guided courtship? If so, what was your experience? If not, why not?<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/strong>Unintentionally. We were gonna do courtship, but my parents were initially going to be hands off but that didn\u2019t happen. It was hell. In summary, they broke us up, I was depressed and borderline suicidal, I felt like my husband wouldn\u2019t want me back and because of the glass cup analogy, I felt like because I had been in love with someone, no one else would want me either, because I was now \u201cdamaged goods\u201d. Bad mind things going on, add guilt and berating from parents on top of and it was not a healthy time.<\/p>\nQuestion 3: How do you feel about purity and courtship teachings today? Have you rejected some parts of it and kept other parts of it? How do you plan to handle these issues with your own children?<\/strong><\/p>\nAll of it is bull made up by people who get kicks out of controlling other people. I would never recommend it \u2013 that\u2019s one place parents absolutely have no jurisdiction on. They need to trust that they raised their kid well and instilled enough self-worth that they won\u2019t go hit up drug lords and if they think they haven\u2019t, they should stop beating down on their kid and tell them that they have value. If there is ever a spawn, they can go about having a relationship however and with whoever they want, I\u2019ll tell them to value themselves and stay true to themselves and that they can say no (or yes) and always have options and that I\u2019ll always be there, and that\u2019ll be the end.<\/p>\n
Question 4: Do you feel that the purity and courtship teachings you were raised with still have lasting impact on your life today? If so, how?<\/strong><\/p>\nThey used to, but I think I\u2019ve fleshed them out now and their gone. Mostly, I just regret that I suffered so much unnecessary damage at the hands of my parents and authors who supported the idea that older people (who\u2019ve made different choices and aren\u2019t you) know better than you and you should always without fail listen to them and do as they say. I wish that I could stop the people I love from falling into that needless death trap too, because I see it happening with friends and relatives but I can\u2019t say anything without damaging any other impact I may have and try to make.<\/p>\n
Part 6: Questioning<\/h1>\n
Question 1: How were you first exposed to \u201cmainstream\u201d American culture? What were your first impressions?<\/strong><\/p>\nHm, probably after I was married. My first impression was that I was lied to, because the world out here really isn\u2019t nearly as bad as it was made out to be.<\/p>\n
Question 2: What first made you question the beliefs you were raised with? Was this initial questioning a frightening or liberating experience?<\/strong><\/p>\nWhile I was courting, when I realized that I could no longer trust my parents with anything. That\u2019s what got me started and it was really scary, it\u2019s always scary. I\u2019ve been sorting things ever since and revising and doing the one thing that was most evil of all, changing my opinion (which is only evil if it disagrees with their current opinion).<\/p>\n
Question 3: What did you struggle with most when you were in the midst of questioning and\/or leaving Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull ideology? What was the hardest part?<\/strong><\/p>\nWell it was just like, bits of my world started falling apart. Over the last two, maybe three years I\u2019ve been trying to find my footing again, just trying to figure out what way to turn and where things are and what truth is. The hardest thing was knowing that in some ways I was lied to, and then having to go find the lies which were connected to other lies and half truths and things that I just could not accept. But it was the broken trust that hurt the most.<\/p>\n
Question 4: Among those you grew up around who were also raised with Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull ideology, what proportion has remained in the movement and what proportion has left?<\/strong><\/p>\nIt\u2019s hard, because some of them are CP and not QF. The CP ones seem to have stayed for the most part, which is sad to me because I want to help but I can\u2019t. The QF ones seem to have mostly left, actually, or at the very least deviated (which can sometimes almost be the same as leaving itself).<\/p>\n
Part 7: Relating to Family<\/h1>\n
Question 1: How did your parents and siblings respond to you questioning\/rejecting their beliefs? How did those you grew up with respond?<\/strong><\/p>\nMy parents sent me an email saying they basically wanted nothing to do with me until I came back and apologized and stopped being who I am. Most of my siblings are too young to understand. The people I grew up with and still trust are supportive, the others, I don\u2019t know because we don\u2019t talk.<\/p>\n
Question 2: What is your relationship with your parents and siblings like today? What is your relationship with those you grew up with who remained in the movement like?<\/strong><\/p>\nPeople who remained in the movement haven\u2019t talked to me, which is fine, people who are fans of my parents haven\u2019t talked to me either which is cool. My relationship with my parents is currently relatively non-existant. I keep getting emails about who I\u2019m related to, but the break of not talking has been so good for me. My relationship with my closest -in-age sibling is coming back which makes me so very happy and I can be there and supportive.<\/p>\n
Question 3: For those who are no longer Christian, are you \u201cout\u201d to your parents or siblings? If so, how did you do it and how did they respond?<\/strong><\/p>\nI think my parents think I\u2019m not christian, and that I\u2019m going to hell if I don\u2019t shape up. But they like to judge everyone\u2019s salvation in accordance to how close to like my parents they are\u2026<\/p>\n
Question 4: Have any of your siblings (or perhaps even parents) left Quiverfull\/Christian Patriarchy ideology? How do you approach the relationships with siblings who have not?<\/strong><\/p>\nI don\u2019t know\u2026only one is an adult right now, and my parents are still in it.<\/p>\n
Part 8: Adjusting<\/h1>\n
Question 1: Do you still feel as though you are \u201cdifferent\u201d or that your past experiences emotionally isolate you from society?<\/strong><\/p>\nSometimes. I\u2019m mostly just frustrated because I can\u2019t seem to escape this conservative bubble. I\u2019m good with people, and I\u2019ve been playing cultural catch up for a while, and I immerse myself in current culture, so I can keep up pretty well and seem normal as long as people don\u2019t ask about my past.<\/p>\n
Question 2: Since most of the world doesn\u2019t understand Quiverfull\/Christian Patriarchy culture, do you feel this creates barriers in friendships or in romantic relationships? Do people have a hard time understanding you and your past?<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/strong>Well, not so much anymore. If it comes up I explain it using terms people understand even if they\u2019re misnomers and I\u2019ve lately just realized that I don\u2019t have to let what happened in my past define who I am today. I can be who-ever I want to be now. Finally, and people can accept that or not. It took me a long time to get here. Most people I talk about my past to are people who\u2019ve been there and do understand. I don\u2019t really get out much besides my hobby shop where we play games and just be, so it doesn\u2019t really come up either.<\/p>\nQuestion 3: What do you think is the biggest way being raised in a family influenced by Christian Patriarchy\/Quiverfull ideas has influenced who you are today?<\/strong><\/p>\nI\u2019m more guilt prone, I put up with crap I don\u2019t need to put up with and I second guess myself. My self worth was always in question until just recently and being around pregnant people or families send me into fight or flight mode and I\u2019m very uncomfortable around them. I can\u2019t go to church and not feel the need to have an escape route planned. It\u2019s inhibited a lot of things that are developed in most people, so I try to find ways around them or to avoid those situations entirely.<\/p>\n
Question 4: How did you perceive your childhood at the time compared to how do you see it now?<\/strong><\/p>\nDepends on which point in my childhood you\u2019re talking about. Pre-puberty it was cool, fine, fun, normal, even. After I started puberty it just started to collapse and I felt that way then too.
\n<\/strong><\/p>\nQuestion 5: Do you sometimes wish to go \u201cback\u201d?<\/strong><\/p>\nNever \u2013 thinking about it gets my adrenaline rushing. I still have stress dreams about my family.<\/p>\n